After The Storm
by MidnightStarr
Summary: Love and loss. Realizations and revelations. The Before and After of the Storm that started it all; the past, present, and future. And what it all adds up to. mustreadBTS.
1. All Or None

**MS: **Ladies and gentlemen. Here we are. The story we've all been waiting for! After months of delayed writing, the worst writer's block I've ever suffered and so many other things in between ATS is finally seeing the light of (sunny) day. Be thankful; once or twice, I was scared maybe I couldn't get back into my groove. But never fear; ATS is here! Now a few notes... This story has alot going on. Even though the majority of it's chapters will make you smile or cry and nothing more. This installment, for one, has no timeline; chapters will be before BTS, after BTS, not in the timeline for BTS and years in the future from the end of BTS. Hence; After The Storm. Though it dabbles in everything. Be prepared for not a rollercoaster, but a boatride through time and time again. Enjoy. And always review.

* * *

It was pretty outside, most of the time now. A few days it rained.. The wind blew hard.

To Sam though, every day he was walking on cloud nine where the sun was bright and the stars shone at night and even though it was overcast down on Earth in dreary La Push, he was in heaven where things couldn't have been better.

Leah was recovering.

It was slow... It was hard and it was painful and tiring and the damndest most depressing sort of shit Sam could've ever watched in his wildest dreams (_nightmares)_ but she was making it. Leah was still sick... It wouldn't be a fast healing either. It would take time and lots of work on everyone's part.

But knowing his LeeLee was going to be okay... Made the sun shine for Sam in each and every way.

There were only... A few minor '_problems'_ standing in Sam's way. He held Leah close every night... Slept with her in the forgotten hospital bed at the Cullens'. But every morning, as he thanked god his baby was okay, the other woman would come knocking at the hardwood door.

_'Emily we've been through this... I can't come home. Not now. Not yet. I don't want to talk.'_

_'Sam you're being ridiculous! You've spent way too much time here, Leah's going to be __**fine**__ so please just come home..! I miss you, Sam... God you don't even understand...!'_

_'I do... For now I just don't give a damn. I'll come home when I'm ready.'_

The door would slam, Sam would come and Leah would be pushing herself up on her aching ribs and back and stomach to look up at him before he even made it to the edge of the mattress.

He hated those eyes... Leah looked at him then like... Like she was doubting everything he had changed and done for her. Like it wasn't enough, that she couldn't be confidant that he was over Emily.

He was proven correct.

"Sam... You're still so unsure..." Her quiet words chased with a cough. Leah noticed... Hell, she noticed everything. Emily came every day... Wanting to see Sam, wanting to talk to her. Sam would send her away, each and every time. Yet he had not once told her that it was the end.

She hated the way his eyes seemed so accused, so withering under what he probably thought was scrutiny.

"Leah... Just because I haven't told her yet, it doesn't mean-"

"It's okay... Y'know, it's okay." Her dry lips morphed into something resembling a small, knowing smile. A reflection of her confidence and trust in Sam's decisions. (Though it was a recently regained trust, none the less.)

"Leah...," Sam spoke again. Hot bile gathered in his throat, and he flushed it down. That same smile that same vacant look in her shining eyes... In the cave, in his arms. When she'd given up. "...I am not, going to leave you again." _'That's it Sammy, sound the words out loud and clear.'_

"...I've made my choice." Sam hoped the words came out as strong as he'd intended.

Leah's blue eyes shone no hope.

"Just know-" Her hand rested over her heart, her chest, another soft cough and Sam inched closer out of reflex. "..Just know that," Leah breathed in deeply, more air for her battered lungs still on the mend. "...I would never blame you if you left again."

XXXXX

The gravel seemed like pavement under his coarse feet. Well it had never really bothered him since becoming a wolf, but he used to be able to tell it was ground up rocks instead of smooth black asphault.

Maybe he didn't notice because Sam's mind was too lost in the previous hour's conversation.

_"What...? Leah... No, I don't like it when you say shit like that!" He didn't want to sound angry, he wasn't... He was hurt. Because, he __**had**__ made a mistake. And now here she sat proclaiming his righteousness._

_Yeah, King of La Push Uley._

_Leah's head dipped downward. God, she still looked so fragile... It was as if Sam's harsh words just now had gone and cracked another bone._

_"Leah," Sam breathed out, kneeling by his love's bedside. "Why do you think like that...?"_

_"She's prettier than me... Y'know she always was, especially before the scars... You deserve someone pretty, Sam." _

_His stomach twisted like he'd been kicked in the guts._

_"You're fucking beautiful." His hand brushed back her soft hair. He loved it long. "She doesn't friggen compare, she never will and I hate myself for thinking once that she did."_

_Leah was silent for a second._

_"I know you love homemade things... Like cake, and bread and muffins." _

_'Oh, jesus.'_

_"I can't bake that good Sam..."_

_"I loved when you cooked for me! I didn't care what it was, Leah I loved it because you cooked it!" Sam spoke at her softly. He wanted her to get the point... He just didn't want her to be reprimanded. No. Never again._

_"An'... And you used to complain sometimes because I couldn't make beds right... Emily can, Emily can do anything..." What was miraculous to Leah herself was how her voice did not shake. Yes, she could hear the pain it wrung from her in her own ears but her voice didn't quiver. Her eyes didn't water. "Emily can get the stain out of... Out of any piece of clothing... And she doesn't mind bein' home all the time..."_

_Now he hated Emily Good; Leah Bad._

_"Leah why can't you see that none of that matters to me...? You are so... You're so amazing. Better than her no matter how many goddamn flaws you think you have." _

_He was going to __**make her**__ see this._

_Leah's soft blue eyes flitted across the room, to the window where the morning rain was still wet on the glass and dew shone in the leaves of the trees._

_"And she's nicer than me... Sam, she's perfect." So many times, Leah had wondered. If it had been Emily in her place, would Emily have been as mean and bitter to the boys...? Probably, most certainly not._

_Sam gulped again. "No..."_

He walked up his steps; the second one still creaked. Leave it to her to never be able to do a goddamned thing on her own.

His hand was on the doorknob.

He pulled it open.

As soon as Emily saw him, her eyes lit up and right away it seemed like she wanted to hug him. Then as quick as lightning they began to burn; blister into a fire so hell-bent and ugly that it matched the scars on her face. And she made damn sure the side she turned towards him was that one.

Just.. Fuck. It wasn't like Sam needed to be reminded of another mistake. His fists clenched at his sides.

Sam had hated himself for scarring up Emily... Jesus, he'd wanted to die when she was at the hospital, all bandaged up and crying. But now... Seeing how she was so used to willingly using the scars to get her way around and with him, he hated her.

Briefly, he thought,

_'The scars are appropriate.'_

"So you finally come home!" Her hands waved at her sides, one bradishing a wooden spoon like she was going to hit him with it. "You don't know how _long _I've waited-"

"Just as many days as I spent in the cold, out in the wild watching your cousin die?"

Emily's face hardened.

"I know what happened to Leah was horrible... But Sam, I'm your _wife!_ I should come before all others! You promised me...!"

Sam's lip quirked. '_Guess I really do suck at keeping promises.'_

"You are not my wife."

Emily stepped further, copper cheeks staining a blistering red that intensified her already angry hazel eyes. Inside, though, it was another story. The fires of hell burnt within her tanned body, a flickering flame that was licking at her heart and any and all sympathy she could've had or ever felt for her cousin. How could she...? How could Leah do this to her!

And Sam... Well fuck, if Emily had the claws perhaps she would've made them match.

"Of course I'm your wife...!" '_Don't you dare try to tell me different, Samuel Uley not after everything you've put me through...' "_And I know for a fact I haven't deserved _any _of the treatment you've shown me the last few months!"

Her voice was rising in decibel now. Sam stood fast. He wouldn't move. His eyes wouldn't leave her's, but not because they couldn't.

For now, there was no aching, stinging throb that tied their hearts together.

Now she was the homewrecking slut who'd helped fate snatch away his happily ever after.

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. But I still treated you that way, didn't I?"

You know, he'd been hoping to get through the conversation without being a total dick. Honestly even when Sam had broken Leah's heart he hadn't went about it with a single cruel word. Hell he'd cried and begged her forgiveness when she walked in on him and Emily. But Emily was making it very very difficult.

The more he talked back, the louder she got.

"Sam! Why are you being like this!"

(Inside, honestly Emily knew... Emily could see it in his eyes. She just didn't wanna believe it.)

"If you'd stop screeching, I would explain-"

The wooden spoon hit the floor, causing a rattle that seemed deafening in the tense household. Sam refused to flinch; she didn't deserve that much. The crack of wood on wood was a lot louder than he thought it would be.

(Actually, he didn't think Emily had the strength in her flabby arm.)

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to stop screaming Sam!" She was practically shaking now, Sam could almost feel the heat of her anger ricocheting forward in large ripples. He'd never thanked fuck before like now that Emily was Makah instead of Quileute, and didn't have the ability to phase. If she did, one side of his face might've very well ended up like her's.

Non-accidentally.

But he couldn't worry about himself right now... Or her, really. His mind still rested on Leah. Not because it had to. Because he wanted it to.

Running over his lines, his carefully thought-out words in his head one more time, Sam made another attempt to speak.

"Emily, I know you're angry. Please, just give me the chance to-"

"SHUT UP SAM! _You _give me a chance to explain things! I'm your _fiancee, _and I've been _sitting home alone _for a month now wondering where the hell my husband went..!"

There she goes again... That 'husband and wife' thing.

But drawing out the patience he'd harbored away for this event the same way he'd kept his feelings for Leah hidden, Sam managed to let Emily say her piece. '_Hurry the fuck up.'_

"Sam I know Leah's still important to you... Jesus she's so, so important to me...!" Sam wanted to scoff; but he didn't. "And you spending all sorts of your time helping the boys find her I completely understand! It's just... She's been home and safe now Sam for almost a week and you still haven't been by the house even twice...!"

Ahhh... There was the break he was looking for. Emily's criss-crossed chin was starting to quiver and that meant she wouldn't be able to raise her voice anymore. He could get a damn word in finally.

"I know I haven't come by. Because, I was where I was needed more. Leah's side. It's where I intend to stay, for quite a while longer Emily. I'm sorry. Truth be told, I came home the two times I did only because I needed some fresh clothing."

Emily's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. No, this couldn't be happening...

Sam kept going.

"I had a lot of time to think, Em, up in the mountains. A lot of things happened, that really made me wonder why I ever gave into this imprinting bullshit in the first place. I'd told you before, that if you hadn't come to La Push I would still be with Leah and now I've got that choice back. And I'm taking it. You know I'll always feel something for you..."

'_No...! This can't be how Leah felt when he said this shit to her!...'_

"Sam... Sam please..."

He sighed.

"I'm sorry. I want to call off our engagement. I'm not happy anymore. ...Not sure if I ever was."

Inside the copper-skinned woman something shattered and fell to the ground. Everything she had worked for, all the stops she'd pulled to ensure Sam was making the right choice...! Everything she'd done for him...

No. It _wouldn't _end like this...!

"No, but Sam you... You can't... You don't know everything that you're giving up Sam you _can't _do this!" Here comes the volume again.

Along with the tears. Sam still, somewhere deep down, couldn't help but feel a stab of pity as he saw the salty drips pour down the remains of Emily's tattered face, hand that had been previously holding the spoon clutching at her other like she would rather lose the entire appendage instead of the ring he had begifted her.

Then she turned side on, by purpose absolutely and made very well he could see naught but the scars. And the pain he had inflicted.

Sam's teeth clenched (like he possibly needed to lose anymore enamel; jesus he didn't think he had any left as it was.)

'_Let her talk, Sam... She's trying to make you feel sorry for her.'_

"Leah's just... She's so... Sam!" Emily whimpered, stepping even closer to his bare chest like if she held onto him she actually had the power to make him stay. "Leah can't cook for you like I can, or-or fold perfect laundry and keep your house clean...!"

_'Yes she can. Leah can do all that. And if she can't...'_

_'Who gives a fuck?'_

Sam let out a heavy sigh, irritation blossoming in his chest. Like she truly expected him to stand there while she came up with reasons why Leah was so much less of a woman than she was.

"A clean house is a small price to pay, Emily for spending eternity with the one you love."

Emily bit her bottom lip.

"Sam... I've given up so much for you..." One of her hands raised to her wet, scarred cheek.

Jesus.

Sam wasn't heartless. Knowing he was breaking another woman's heart and soul was painstakingly brutal but he knew now more than ever where he belonged and who he belonged with. He had made a mistake that nearly killed them all; and it took that somber, frightening ordeal to sober up his clouded mind so that he could see really how beautiful and amazing he'd had it before.

Before the imprint.

Before, when he could breathe still after leaving his girlfriend's house. Where he wasn't a mutant canine. When it was sunny, almost all the time...;

Sam forced his steely chocolate eyes to soften; but not to show any give.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. You know I could apologize 'till the end of time, Emily, but that won't make those scars go away. If I knew what to do to make them disappear, believe me I would do it. You're important to me, perhaps you always will be. Imprint or not."

Her chin quivered once again, more tears pouring out of her hazel eyes.

"..But I don't love you."

The look in those big brown pools made Sam's heart clench; his will waver. But he knew he had to be strong. Hell, he'd made himself finally believe that yes, he was greedy. He knew that. While he had been with Emily, he'd desired Leah. (Yes he'd finally faced that truth too.)

And while he had been with the one true love of his life, he had desired fate's replacement and cheated behind Leah's back.

(_'fucking idiot.')_

"Sam you can't do this! Please! I'm _begging_ you!.."

He looked away from her torn up face.

Sam Uley had spent too long living in the confines of rules and his own guilt. It was time to step out into the sun, face his hard truths and do everything he possibly could to make things right again. Starting with this, and fixing his LeeLee.

"I'm sorry." _'Not really.' _"Emily, please get your things together... I want you out of my home by tonight or at the latest, tomorrow. We're no longer engaged or romantically involved in any way. Like fuck I would love to see fate try to tell me different." He leant back against the counter as Emily let out a guttural sob of pain and humiliation.

"Oh and another thing, Emily; stop trying to intimidate me with your scars... It's in the past for me now and I know I'm not an animal for hurting you. Leah helped me see that."

She slapped him across the face quicker than he could blink. He sighed, again.

Then Sam focused on the small lilac purple bowl he and his now-ex fiancee kept on the counter for their odds and ends, sitting beside him on the granite slab.

He tilted his head and pursed his lips.

"Is that your housekey?" He didn't wait for an answer; he picked it out of the bowl and shoved it into the pocket of his deep green cutoffs.

Then Sam Uley walked out.

And left Emily Young crying and sobbing on the kitchen floor.

XXXXX

It was a little after supper time, when Sam returned to the Cullens and retired to Leah's hospital room. As much as it needed to be done, breaking off everything he and Emily had accomplished together was hard and tiring.

Would he miss it? Maybe.

Was it worth it? Not in the least.

Not when he had Leah.

He just wished he'd realized that truth earlier on, under less harsh circumstances... But hey, you take what you can get and Sam would still spend every night of the rest of he and Leah's life together thanking god and every other deity he could think of for, exactly them having a life to spend with one another.

As he neared the door down the long thin hallway, Sam heard the dull playing of the radio. Perhaps he wasn't going to get much sleep after all.

He pushed open the door, and walked inside. Leah looked up at him from the bed, sitting up slowly with her still somewhat-frail appearance.

_I don't know, what I've done;  
Or if I like, what I've begun..  
But something told, me to run  
And honey; You know me, it's all..;  
Or none._

"Hey..." Her voice was still so soft, like she was fresh off the battlefield.

Maybe she was.

"Hey." He kept his strong. She needed strength.

Sam ran his hand over the cushion of the mattress, and then climbed in beside his LeeLee as carefully as he could. He watched every movement of her face, watching for anything like pain as the bed dipped but thank god there was none. He bent his knees a little, and with a firm arm he beckoned his sweetheart closer to his chest.

Sam always loved that about her... The way she always melted in his hands, fell into his arms with a sort of eagerness that was disguised but oh so obvious to him.

"How are you feeling? Do you need anything LeeLee?" Her forehead met the hot space against his left collar bone, and Sam treaded his right hand carefully through her silky hair, pushing it back from her beautiful face.

Those lips, no longer chapped and plump again with a semblance of health turned upwards a little into a smile.

"No... Where did you go?"

"I went home."

Her face immediately dropped.

"No, baby, I went home to kick Emily out."

There was a small amount of shock visibly clear on her face as those ocean blue eyes widened and her lips drifted apart.

"It was time, LeeLee."

_There were sounds, in my head..  
A little voice; is whispering...  
That I should go, and this should end;  
Oh and I found myself, listening._

Then those pretty eyes sloped down to the white bedsheets. Leah looked sad... Sam was confused to no end. Was she regretting this...? Did she not want him...?

(Needless to say, he was expecting something closer to a huge hug and a kiss.)

But Leah would not give him that just yet. Inside the confines of her mind, Leah ran over everything they had been through once again. She and Sam, even _before_ this whole mess. Her cooking skills. How clean she was. Leah knew she tried her hardest, she did... But at the end of the night, was she going to be exhausted and bitchy because she couldn't get a fucking grease stain out of one of Sam's (very few) nice shirts? ...Is that the kind of wife, the kind of lover, Sam Uley deserved...?

Leah knew Emily would find a way.

Fuck it, Leah wanted Sam with her all the time...! She wanted him back with everything she had and more and now she was really beginning to believe that was what he wanted too. Only... Was it for the best...? Is it, for the best?

God, she didn't want him to go back to Emily even if she was a better woman...!

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you.  
All I know, is that I should.  
And I don't know if I could stand, another hand upon you;  
All I know, is that I should...  
'Cause she will love you, more than I could;  
She who dares to stand where I stood._

All Leah ever wanted... All the reasons why she never fought back when he'd left her, why she had never raised a violent hand to her backstabbing cousin or even to Sam.

She wanted him to be happy.

Even if that meant, removing herself from the picture.

_See I thought love was black and white...;  
That it was wrong, or it was right.  
But you ain't leaving, without a fight and I think,  
I am just as torn, inside..._

"Leah... What's wrong? Are you alright?" He finally spoke after what seemed like a decade spent inside her own head (though that time could never compare to being chained in that dirty fucking basement), and she wanted the interruption.

Sometimes, maybe, Leah overthought.

About nothing at all.

Sam was oblivious to that fact though of course and as she looked back up at him, he was honestly scared.

He knew there was nothing wrong... If Leah was in pain Leah wouldn't of shown it. That was his LeeLee, the headstrong girl he'd fallen in love with and clearly never stopped. She would hide whatever it was until it was necessary to reveal; and then maybe just bury it down some more.

So this silence unnerved him completely. He was really and truly frightened of her next words.

His Leah probably finally saw the reality of this whole fucked up shit of a situation and decided that he would never deserve to have her back as his own.

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you.  
All I know, is that I should.  
And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you;  
All I know, is that I should...  
'Cause she will love you, more than I could;  
She who dares to, stand where I stood._

"No... I'm okay." Leah's hand rested on his own as it kept stroking the black waterfall of her hair.

Jesus, what now...? '_Please, don't leave me...'_

Sam was petrified.

"Then...?"

"Sam." Her held a little more strength than it had these last few days. Sam had to swallow, to keep his heart in his chest instead of his throat. "Sam... I... Are you sure, this is what you want...?"

Her voice was focused. Dimly, Leah remembered her thoughts holding the same disparity in the cave as she counted the days to be able to transform and steal Karl's attention from her hurt packmates.

_Concentration and validity._

Sam was taken aback.

"I... Leah, of course, I-"

"Because if it's not then that's okay."

_And I won't, be far from where you are if ever you should call.  
You meant more to be than anyone I, I ever loved at all;  
But you taught me how to trust myself; and so I say to you...  
This is what I have to do...;_

Why did she keep saying everything was okay...? No. No it really wasn't!

"No. Leah, you are what I want. Forever and a day and I screwed that up before but now I can finally think clearly, I know what's best for you and for myself...!" '_Don't yell Sam, volume won't make her understand.'_

Leah's stormy blue eyes softened. Jesus, Sam loved her eyes. Leah looked so... So wise, so all-knowing that he had to wonder when his lover had become so observant.

(He knew when; he didn't wanna think about it.)

_'Cause I don't know, who I am; Who I am, without you.  
All I know, is that I should.  
And I don't know if I can stand, another hand upon you.  
All I know is that I should...!  
'Cause she will love you, more than I could!  
She who dares to stand where I stood..._

That was all she needed, really. Maybe. Sorta.

...Leah would just take his word for it. It wasn't like she wouldn't try her damndest to be the best woman of Sam Uley's life; the best wife, the best friend, maybe even the best mother he could've dreamt of. Her hardest, she hoped, would be good enough.

Sam pulled her a little closer, and the girl in his arms still felt that he should know.

"...If you ever feel, like maybe she's what you really want, instead of me..." Her angel-like voice got real slow, real quiet again and Sam leant in closer to her face just to hear. "...It's okay. I would let you go."

Sam's eyes creased as so many thoughts whirred by in his head, and he stuttered for words to say.

Leah yawned silent and slow.

"Love you Sammy..." She shut her blue eyes and was out like a light.

_Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood..._

Sam lay awake in the room with the radio that played something sounding suspiciously alike his LeeLee's voice, before falling asleep with a remote sense of contentment and the warm sunlight on his face.

* * *

**MS: **BY THE WAY GUYS; Review please :) They give me the urge to write faster. Not only that; but I'm always looking for people who are interesting in online roleplaying :) There's a notice on my profile, so you should go read that; it's only short and right at the top. I'd do it through msn messenger, since it's a ton easier than some crappy forum and this would only be between 2 people. I wanna do a wolfpack one of course :) Give Leah the ending she deserves; Sam or Jake. HAHA. Hit me up with a PM if you're interested :) Or even say in your review.


	2. From This Day On

Leah liked being lost in her own little world.

Especially when she slept.

Now more than ever, since finally being rescued from the Cree pack's clutches. Too many nights, she had spent in that dank, dark, painful basement. In agony, where she could feel their eyes on her all the time, hear them as they moved. It was amazing how the most common of sounds frightened her so much. A spoon clinking against a glass mug as tea was stirred; a creak on the stairs.

Sometimes when she was waking up, and she heard those things... For a brief moment she thought she was home. Her mom had come back to La Push for a night; her brother getting dressed and ready for his early-morning patrol.

But then she opened her eyes, and the cold, depriving hand of reality swept her dreamland away. And then she began to hear the wind and the rain.

Leah was trapped in a world that was not her own... And though she'd longed for death at times that was never what she'd wanted.

Thus came Leah's newfound anxiety, that she needed to control her surroundings. Make them as peaceful as she possibly could.

Now she slept with headphones in, music softly playing from her newly-purchased iPod. (God love Seth's little heart.)

_Come stop your cryin', it'll be alright.  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
I will protect you from, all around you;  
I will be here, don't you cry._

Leah was asleep for large periods of the day, and all of the night usually... She was still so tired. It was if it was only yesterday; the cold sting of the water as she leapt into the Atlantic ocean's estuary, the searing burn as the bullet punched into her shoulder and her legs gave out from underneath her in a tangly, groggy mess.

And then as quick as she'd thought of those memories, her mind got lost to the soft rhythm of Phil Collins. Her eyes were closed; her mind was focused, and the only thing serving to help her know she was awake was the mild discomfort that had settled in her shoulderblade.

_For one so small, you seem so strong...  
My arms will hold you, keep you safe, and warm.  
This bond between us, can't be broken...  
I will be here, don't you cry._

_'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart.  
No matter what, they say.  
You'll be here in my heart.  
Always._

Then the atmosphere all changed.

Leah was not alone in her recovery room. You know that feeling, like someone's watching..? Like someone's walking over your grave? Shivers spiralled down Leah's back and goosebumps raised on her copper flesh.

No... She wasn't ready to face the world yet. '_Just a little longer...'_

_Why can't they understand the way we feel?  
They just don't trust, what they can't explain.  
I know we're different but, deep inside us,  
we're not that different at all._

_'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart.  
No matter what, they say.  
You'll be here in my heart.  
Always._

'_Keep your eyes shut, Leah... It's not your brother, and it's not Sam.' _Yes, lying near-death in that cave she supposed had been good for something... It had completely revived her senses. Back when Leah first fell smitten with Sam, it was like magic; the way she could pinpoint his presence in a room. (Maybe it was a foreboding wolf thing? She didn't know.)

But it helped her figure out where he was and where he wasn't... And who's hot arms she'd laid in as she waited for Death's cold hand to swallow her whole. Sam had a natural heir of mystery; intrigue, danger and wisdom. He seemed like a leader.

Jacob was the 'true' Alpha, Leah knew that. But she also knew why Sam had phased first.

He was a good leader... An excellent leader. No one could take that away from him.

_Don't listen to them, 'cause what do they know?  
We need eachother, to have, to hold!  
They'll see in time...  
I know._

_When destiny calls you, you must be strong.  
I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on!  
They'll see in time...  
I know.  
We'll show them together._

But this presence... This feeling... It was familiar. Leah knew it well. She had been in this room before.

An heir of confidence; side-order of sass and a whole lot of stubborn.

Could only be Sue Clearwater.

Leah still didn't want to open her eyes.

_'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more..!_

_You'll be in my heart.  
No matter what, they say.  
You'll be here in my heart.  
Always._

It was her mother, for sure. In Leah's daze of conscious times, to her comatose-like sleeping periods Leah'd heard, and felt souls come and go from her dreary little room. Sam was a pretty constant presence; so she always knew when he was gone, and he was gone now. Her brother was a steady piece of furniture too...

Guess her mother had driven them out finally.

Leah had felt her mom come in maybe once or twice already... Felt the damp hands as they stroked her cheek (wet with tears), heard the surprisingly sharp scraping of chair legs across the cushion tile floor. (_'Stupid grey floor...')_

_Ooh you'll be in my heart. (You'll be here in my heart!)  
No matter what they say. (I'll be with you.)  
You'll be here in my heart, (I'll be there.)  
Always._

Now here Sue was again. God... Leah just wanted to sleep.

Part of her wanted to forgive... Part of her wanted to forget.

(Mostly sleep, though.)

Leah's fingertips on her right hand twitched over the headphone cords. It was almost time to the face the music; the grim melody of that which she hated lately: Reality.

_I'll be with you.  
I'll be there for you always!  
Always and always._

_Just look over your shoulder.  
Just look over your shoulder.  
Just look over your shoulder._

_I'll be there, always._

Leah opened her blue eyes, and pulled out the headphones of the still-playing iPod.

Sue was just dropping down into the same chair she always hauled over to Leah's bedside. And as usual (Or well, as Leah had suspected;), the remaining Clearwater parent had tears running down her aged copper cheeks. It had been the first time Leah really laid eyes on her absentee mother in what seemed like months... Maybe it had been.

God, Sue looked awful. (Maybe worse than her daughter?)

Leah's mom had bags as black as the night sky under her old grey eyes, and even her skin seemed to have gained new wrinkles. Her lips were bitten and chewed, the dark patches a clear indicator of too much stress. Sue's hands were writhing together nervously in her lap as she sat down. Those eyes of her's locked onto her daughter's.

"Leah..." She spoke, mouth opening a little as if in shock. "You're awake baby... Finally..."

Leah fought back the urge to sigh. It wasn't that her mother's weariness and sadness didn't upset her... It was just...

"Yeah... Hey Mom..." Pulling herself upward (her stitches pained), Leah suppressed a wince to keep another teary, torrential downpour from her mother's eyes and prepared herself to listen to what Sue finally had to say.

The poor woman looked like she wanted to hug and kiss Leah to within an inch of her life.

(Like she needed that. To be that close to death. Again.)

"God baby I'd never been so scared in my life...!" Crap. More tears.

"It's okay, Mom... I'm fine yah know..." Was she _really_ fine? ...Well Leah wasn't a hundred percent sure on that yet.

"No Leah, you are _not_ fine! For all that is holy Leah you don't think I spent every waking moment wondering if you were okay and what was happening or being done to you! How could you run off like that!"

Ahhhh. And so it starts.

Her voice would rise in volume, she'd cry some more, call Leah stupid and a disgrace and just '_why can't you be more like your cousin!'_...

Leah shook her head a little. She knew it was going to come to this. It always did. Because she was always in the wrong. Always.

At least in her mother's eyes.

Sue was just so... She was angry. And hurt. And worried. Her daughter had done something completely wreckless and pathetic and crazy, and nearly died because of it-

Her heard was still just sort of shaking. Sue paused her rant.

_'...What am I doing?'_

"Leah..." Sue sighed. She didn't come to see her daughter so she could bitch and bawl about all the bullshit Leah had put her through, all the sleepless nights and the constant wondering... She had come to say something quite different. "You know... Every day you were gone I stood in front of the living room window and I just watched that rain fall... Every day. Before I slept at night, well... More like if I did;" (That explained the huge-ass crow's feet), "..I prayed that somehow some way, you would be alright. I also-"

Leah thought: _'Just try and listen Leah... She _has_ had a hard time... '_

But every second Leah listened to her mother talk about her hardship and that she tried to make herself believe her mother deserved some slack, the memories of how Sue had done nothing but wrong spread wider across Leah's mindset like the dark clouds that had swallowed La Push whole those few weeks ago.

Every time Sue had told Leah to stop her complaining.  
Every time her mother had suggested Leah spend more time with her backstabbing cousin.  
Every time Sue had tried to wrangle Leah in going over to Sam and Emily's.  
For all the times Leah's music was too loud.  
For all the times her daughter had missed family dinner with Charlie.  
For all the times Sue had allowed Emily, Sam, and even the pack tell Leah that the universe she used to dream about could never be.

Each, and every time, Sue had made it clear that Leah no longer belonged in Sam's world.

Leah's hand clenched the bedsheets.

"-Leah I was just so overcome...! Baby you are _everything _to me and you'll never know how hurt and scared I was...! How scared Charlie was, and Emily, and-"

"I'm fine Mom."

Sue stopped her chattering.

"Hm?"

"I said, mother, that I'm fine."

And as simple as that, the cold, hard edge had reentered Leah's voice. The scythe in Leah's attitude and words that worked so easily to cut everyone around her down to size. Because if Leah wanted to feel big and in control at all... They had to hurt too.

The shield Leah had given up on, just before the storm started...; was now back in place.

Sue looked taken aback at her daughter's grungy, evil-sounding tone and instantly her eyes started leaking again. '_I thought I was getting my baby back...'_

"Leah please... Don't talk like that sweetheart. It's so impolite, and you're home now so you have _nothing _to be upset or stressed out about! I won't let _anyone_ ever hurt you again!" Sue's words tried to hold a deliberate power, a contructed sense of conveyment that was made to literally combust Leah's firewall of animosity and hatred.

Months ago, maybe close to a year ago Leah would've said she would have liked to see her mother try. Because _nothing,_ that could be said or done was going to make this better.

Now Leah hated herself because she was not so sure.

Did Sue Clearwater deserve forgiveness...?

Leah drew in a soft inhale to prepare herself for her next words, only to be cut off by her mother's frantic grabbing of her slow-healing hand; the melancholy music seeming like an eery background noise to the obviously heartbreaking situation.

"I know I've been horrible to you." Sue squeezed Leah's hand.

This time Leah jerked her head backward as if Karl was there right now, aiming another wicked blow to her face. Was her Mom seriously suggesting that maybe, once in a lifetime, Sue Clearwater had made a mistake...?

...That she'd been wrong?

"No... Mom it's fine-"

"It is _not _fine. And things won't ever be fine, until we fix what we lost... Even if our not seeing eye to eye was mostly my fault." Sue swallowed roughly. Her skin seemed thin; like it was strung too tight across her body and about to become tighter before she'd be awarded any slack. "My baby girl... Dr. Cullen told me how he noticed certain things... You weren't eating. How you didn't hang out with the boys, or your brother or anyone at all really... And his son heard in your head that you hadn't been sleeping well either."

Her voice cracked with almost every word as she listed off Leah's numerous signs.

"Baby, if I had known it was this bad I would've-"

"Mom... It's fine. Really." '_No, it wasn't.' _"I mean... You had your own stuff going on..."

_'Like planning my cousin's wedding to the man I loved... Dating your dead husband's best friend and ignoring your children. Full schedule.'_

"No Leah! Please..." Sue inhaled deeply; like swallowing her pride was a real, viscous bile lodged in her nose and throat and she was trying to breathe through the putrid stench. Because she had to. "Stop saying everything is fine... We both know it's not. I never listened to anything you wanted... I was so desperate to have you move on from Sam and for you to get your cousin back that I guess I just forced it on you."

_'Yeah... You did.'_

Sue twisted one hand into the soft brown of her long native skirt; balling the fabric beyond the point of ironing.

"I'm so, so sorry... When you asked me to keep Sam and Emily away from you, I should've listened. When you said you didn't want to be Emily's bridesmaid, I should not have insisted and made you...!" Sue released another heaving sob now and Leah watched the once too-proud-for-her-own-good Sue Clearwater break down again.

For the first time, as Leah watched her mother destroy herself, she wanted to reach out and comfort her.

"Mom... It's okay, I guess... I'm okay now." Her throat was dry, she was thirsty. Were these words really _that_ hard to say...?

"Leah I was _everything _a mother should never be. I was cruel to you; and I just wish I could take all that back, _believe me_ I wish...!"

That was the point of Leah's undoing. The melancholy feeling of sadness and the strong stink of shame and regret were almost palpable in the small room. Leah just never would've imagined she'd ever get those reactions from her mother... Not to mention from herself. That was probably what was the most shocking.

Sue had been a horrible mother, and a disgraceful mom. There was no questioning to that fact. But yet, seeing her cry made Leah want to forgive her. It confused her, really... Was the old saying true that you were biologically functioned to love your parents, no matter what said parents had done...? It was starting to seem that way.

Sue had meant well... Leah supposed.

"Mom... I forgive you." Sue looked up at Leah's soft, scratchy voice.

How could Leah ever, _ever_ let what she had done go...?

"Look... I know we don't always get along... And I know I don't make it easy. It's not just you, Mom, it's really not." Leah took a soft, deep breath. Sometimes the smallest act (like breathing) still made her lungs and diaphragm ache. "I could've... I could've actually tried to listen when you wanted to talk. Maybe I shouldn't of skipped out on all those council meetings, and bonfires you asked me to go to..."

"Leah, baby-"

"Mom."

Leah's voice was quick then. Sue tilted her head, her long straight inky hair falling across her shoulders.

"Now is when I need you to listen. More than ever." Her daughter's voice got a little stronger; a little more stubborn and Sue saw the old Leah return. Her one true daughter. "You came here, to make peace with me... To say you're sorry so now just listen, please...?" Sue couldn't help but wonder if this was the type of steely determination that kept Leah's heart alive and beating throughout her terrible ordeal.

(She didn't think that maybe Leah just couldn't let her family go.)

"I'm sorry... Go ahead sweetheart." Sue gave her a nod, and also for the first time in a long time her unrequited attention.

"Okay... You _did_, do wrong, Mom... And I tried everything to make you see my side of the story. I'm a little mad, and a little upset that it took your daughter's near-death experience to make you actually pay attention..."

Sue visibly cringed; her girl's words burning her to the bone.

"...But you've been there for me."

The aged Quileute woman found herself tilting her head once more. Sue knew she had no right; but still she had all the hope in the world for her daughter's forgiveness. All the time. All the renewed patience. And all the love Leah would ever need or ask for.

"Mom, bad things happen. They do. I know that better than _anybody._" Sometimes all the hardships Leah had faced still made her want to cry; but she couldn't. It was time to get through to her Mom. "And maybe we got torn apart for a little bit... But I think maybe we can fix it... I know we can." Sue's heart swelled. Her baby was actually giving her a second chance. After everything Sue had ever said; all the nights she left Seth and Leah home alone to fend for themselves and after everything she'd put her only daughter through, Leah still offered her forgiveness.

"When I was four, and I scraped my knee... You cleaned it for me. Then you gave me ice cream and I felt better. When I was six, and Seth took my toys because he was so young you just bought me new and better ones." Leah couldn't help but smile... When she wanted to think of her Mom; the Sue in front of her who laughed and smiled, kissed her father and made ice cold lemonade for Leah, Seth and their friends on hot days the memories came so easy. "And when I was twelve you told me I was pretty and that I was gonna find love some day; even though it can hurt sometimes."

Leah smiled, because then her mother smiled.

"I remember... You cried so much when you were young; always bawling." They laughed; well Leah made an attempt but it still came out more coughing hack then chuckle. Sue's eyes laced with concern for a moment. Then, she looked down at her own hand.

Leah's eyes followed, and then widened.

"...I should tell you, now that you're talking to me." Sue smiled weakly; a nervous little thing. "Charlie proposed to me. Last week."

Leah's heart faltered; just the smallest bit.

"...Congratulations, Mom, that's great-"

"We're putting the wedding on hold. If-if it's even okay with you, me getting remarried..."

"What...?" Leah scrunched her face in apparent confusion. Her mother really was trying... She actually asked Leah's opinion on her marital life. Love life, Leah supposed was a more accurate term. But as Leah watched her mother run a tender finger over the thick golden band adorned with bright crystal, Leah couldn't help but feel guilty. "Mom... Why are you putting off the wedding...?"

"Because I want you to be healthy again before I even consider anything else important, Leah... Honestly; you're worth more than my wedding... Even if it hasn't always seemed that way."

Leah was shocked again... Because she didn't really want her mother to put it off.

"No..."

Sacrifice.

It was a dirty word to Leah, after everything she had given up.

Her love; so Sam and her cousin could be happy.  
Her fertility; to live the life of a giant un-changing wolf. (Well until recent studies...)  
Her friendships; to keep herself from getting hurt again.  
Her free time; once again to live the life of a giant un-changing wolf.

...Sacrifices hurt.

And Leah did not want more of them (hello pack, brother and lover nearly killing themselves to find her) made for her.

"What do you mean, 'No'...?" God... Sue had been praying Leah was okay with her marrying Charlie... She was going to wait of course. If Leah had... God forsake her, never been found;... There would have never been a wedding.

Ever.

"...I don't think you should put off your wedding, Mom..."

"...But I-... Leah, why not?" Sue questioned, eyes roaming over her daughter's frail frame out of apparent concern and clear confusion.

"Because... Look Mom; just go get married, okay...? Maybe it's been long enough now..."

(In reality it would never be long enough. Watching her mother love another man, once her father's best friend would always hurt; propose a deep ache that panged every time Leah had to bare witness to a look or a hug. Let alone the white dress and the vows; then the kiss.)

"But Leah I want you there..." Sue reacted quickly to her mistake. "Only if you want to be, of course...!"

"Mom... I mean it this time. Things are fine."

For some reason it was now that Leah's apparent millionth brush with exhaustion made itself known; the girl yawned, a silent, drawn out one. Her eyes hooded a little; but she hadn't talke to her Mom in days... Leah'd ignored her, practically... And now with them on the verge of making a recovery in their relationship Leah didn't want to fall asleep on her.

Even though hooded eyes didn't lie.

"No. Leah; we agreed to make our relationship better... This is one thing I will not be argued with about." Sue gave her the first cocky smile of the night and just like _bam _Sue Clearwater was back. Leah couldn't help it; her second attempted laugh was cut with another yawn instead of a cough this time. "You're tired baby... I better leave so you can get some rest."

Yah know, despite what people said ('_you and your mother are practically the same person')_ Leah never really considered she and her Mom alike. Sue was harsh and brash and sometimes downright inconsiderate; Leah thought of herself as brazen, but headstrong and always thinking of other peoples' feelings before her own. But as Sue arose from her chair, and walked towards the door... The light from the sun of a sky with no storm caught her eyes.

Her deep brown, hazel hues sparkled a pure, crystallized blue.

Maybe Leah was a little more like her mother than she'd thought.

With a smile on her tired face, Leah laid back down; slipped her still-playing head phones in and closed her eyes; losing herself to sleep in the rhythm of the music.

_I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on.  
I hear your laugh and look up smilin' at you; I'm runnin' round.  
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, and now; the sky is gold;  
I hug your legs and fall asleep; on the way home._

_I don't know why, all the trees change in the fall;  
I know you're not scared, of anything at all.  
Don't know if Snow White's house is nearer or far away;  
But I know I had the best day; with you.  
Today._

_I'm thirteen now and I don't know how my friends, could be so mean.  
I come home cryin' and you hold me tight; and grab the keys.  
And we drive and drive until we found a town, far enough away;  
And we talk and windowshop till I've forgotten, all their names._

_I don't know who, I'm gonna talk to now at school;  
But I know I'm laughin', on the car ride home with you.  
Don't know how long it's, gonna take to feel okay but I know I had the best day;  
With you, today._

_I have an excellent father; his strength is makin' me strong.  
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he's better than I am!  
I grew up in a pretty house, and I had, space to run and I;  
Had, the best days, with you._

_There is a video I found from back when, I was three;  
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're, talkin' to me;  
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships, and the seven dwarfs;  
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in,  
The whole wide world...;_

_I don't know why, all the trees change in the fall.  
I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong!  
And I love, you; for givin' me your eyes...;  
Stayin' back, and watchin' me shine and;  
I didn't know if you knew;  
So I'm takin' this chance to say:  
That I had the best day; with you._

_Today._


	3. Seeing Myself So Differently

**MS: **And here is the grand ol' chapter 3 :) Thanks so much for allll the support so far guys, even this early on it's been amazing. I know a lot of you were wondering how things went with some of the other members of the pack... Well this chapter takes a look at Jared ;)

* * *

He didn't know how long he sat there, quiet.

Because with all honesty, he wasn't a hundred percent sure how he'd make the words come out of his mouth just right; enough to state his case. He'd seen enough, heard enough, and felt enough... Jared had made his choice. Maybe it would hurt a little; but Sam said he hadn't felt even the smallest twinge of pain when his imprint frayed at the edges until it was nothing more than a faded watermark background to Leah's presence and pain. His one true love.

Because, that was what she was to Sam; he'd always loved her. Sam just... Got swept away in the tide a little, lost himself to a magical temptation that was unlike any drug, whore or casino.

Jared supposed that made Sam a much bigger man then any recovering addict.

Jared chose to think of it like that, anyway.

He sighed internally; kinda scared to make too intimidating of a sound, and rose his eyes to his raven-haired imprint sitting across from him. His dry hands were twiddling on the table; her manicured fingers strummed a thin-patience beat across the wood and the sound was almost enough to make Jared crack.

(So many useless fucking things... Just because. It was always '_just because_' with Kim.)

To make himself ignorant to the sound, he tried to focus on the soft chirping of birds outside the cracked kitchen window; the soft music lolling out from a car parked down on the street.

How long would it be 'til one of them gave in and yelled and cursed and bitched?

It was always her first.

_I just wanna be alone tonight...  
I just wanna take a little breather.  
Cuz lately all we do is fight...  
And everytime it cuts me deeper._

She was giving him this ugly-looking stare... Yah know since Jared returned home, he didn't look at her the same. Kim was... Kim. She was plain. Useless, bitchy in an unflattering way to her unflattering persona and he wondered just _what the hell he was thinking._

She wasn't even _pretty. _(She didn't have green eyes.)

Kim was angry as all hell. He'd come home an hour ago from the small get-together Sue had at her place for Leah's first day home. It wasn't a party; wasn't any grand shindig and to be brutally honest, Kim, Rachel and especially her cousin Emily were not allowed within a hundred feet of the house.

(Not by Leah's command; by Sam's.)

"I just don't get it. You spend _all _your time with them! You nearly _died_ trying to get her home when she's never ever done a goddamn thing for anybody! Jared... I love you, but you're too fucking nice you know that...? God..." Kim smacked her fake nails particularly hard against the table once, before dragging them through her thin black hair. "I just wish you'd... I dunno, _grow a pair_ or something Jared! You've risked enough for Leah and her cheating boyfriend now stop being a doormat for awhile, okay?"

See, only now could Jared really determine the difference between a kind, caring girlfriend who wanted what was best for him and everyone else, and a girlfriend who wanted a servant twenty-four hours a day with an endless listening span and no manners whatsoever to everyone discluding her.

Yes. He'd made his decision.

Kim kept talking; as usual Jared fought to get a word in.

"I think it's time I-"

"Honestly, Jared... I don't know if I can love someone who treats me this way." Her thin lips pursed, looking directly into his eyes, unwavering with an unsympathetic stare. Gauging his reaction.

_Cuz something's changed,  
You've been actin' so strange,  
And it's taken it's toll on me.  
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave._

There it was... It always came back to that. Kim, threatening to leave him.

Scaring him into giving her her way because hey; up until a few weeks ago, Jared believed he didn't have any choice. He either gave his imprint her every pound of flesh; or he remained alone and heartbroken, destroyed inside for all eternity.

He tilted his head; pursed his own lips.

"Well?" She persisted.

Sometimes he wondered if she'd always been that way. When he first imprinted, gave her the time of day... Was she _always _so vain and cocky? So prideful...? Or did she really just decide he was her leashed and trained puppy halfway through and decide he was meant to stand behind her and not beside her?

Lately though, Jared thought about more pressing things. Like when he first started feeling like maybe he should be pulling at those steel cables fate had tied him to her with and trying every move and muscle he had in his tanned body to get them to snap completely.

He supposed it was when he saw Sam kiss Leah for the first time in the cave. Maybe when she kissed him back, or maybe when his alpha was deadset upon letting no one else even lay a finger on Leah while she was hurt.

Either which way... Jared was thankful.

"Well," He mocked, "...Leave."

Kim's eyes scrunched as if she couldn't even process the words; a mental computer flashing 'Error'.

"Huh?"

"I said, go ahead and leave." '_It won't be long before I leave you anyway. Might as well take all the glory you can get and go first.'_

Sam was happy. Leah was hurt, broken, and safe and all his again. Sam was ecstatic. Happier than Jared had seen him... In the two years after he'd left Leah for Emily. Jared took that to the bank.

_Without you, I live it up a little more every day.  
Without you, I'm seein' myself so differently.  
I didn't wanna believe it then;  
But it all worked out in the end.  
When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine';  
Without you..._

"...What? Are you _insane!"_ Kim nearly yelled across the table; they were like a foot away from eachother, there was really no need but hey that was always Kim's way. Jared could see it now.

He was so, so thankful.

"Not since the last time I checked." He crossed his arms, leant them on the table.

"What!" Kim gave him a shriek that rivaled nails on a chalkboard and Jared had to fight back the urge to wince. "You have _no right_ Jared to _ever _give me ultimatums! With all the shit from you that I put up with..." Her head was shaking now. "You're lucky I stuck around this long!"

Was she lying?  
Of course.

She couldn't let Jared leave her.

"I mean, Jared... I don't ask for much. _Time, _that we can spend together every night so we can start our family! For you to _not _spend so much time at Emily's or Leah's! I mean, you're my boyfriend...! My soon-to-be husband... But all you do is patrol and hang out with your friends..."

She actually had the nerve to sound like she pitied him.

"First of all Kim, I wasn't giving you a friggen ultimatum." Her eyes widened a little at the use of the minor swear. "I said, 'if you want to leave, then leave.' I mean that literally I'm done trying to stop you and I'm not changing the way I live for you either."

She was... Absolutely flabbergasted. The dimwitted woman had actually never even considered the fact that Jared was a living being who had needs, wants and desires all on his own. His entire fuckin' existance did not revolve around her.

That thought frightened her.

"And no; I'm not gonna be your husband. I told you a million and one times that I'm not ready to get married; but you keep pushing and pushing and pushing!" Jared almost growled. He was surprised at how... At how easy the anger came now.

Before, it would be a pounding boil of blood beneath his veins that his body and throat just couldn't seem to let bubble to the surface. A blockade fate had supposedly permanently gifted him with to keep from hurting or growing angry at his imprint.

(Because when they got angry, bad shit happened; look at Emily. Look at Leah.)

"But we're _soulmates_ Jared just how long to you plan to wait!" Kim shrieked again. Her voice grated on his nerves, a high octave that wasn't at all tinkly and downright chilling. Not even in the creepy way, just the way that makes you feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

"I plan to wait, Kim, until I find somebody who's worth marrying."

That shut her up again as her small eyes, almost uneven-looking in her broad face with her wide nose, teared up. Maybe reality was _finally _setting in.

"Oh and as for too much patrolling, try and include the small fact that I'm a _shapeshifter_ it's what I was made to friggen do!" Jared seethed, "I need to keep this rez and my people safe. I do it to keep _you _safe Kim and you're so damn ungrateful!"

"I am _not-_"

"YES YOU ARE." The words came out a roar; Kim gasped.

Never, had she ever heard Jared get... Loud? He was always happy, jokey, all-around nice Jared.

Not now.

_Called you up cuz it's been long enough;  
And you said that you were so much better.  
We have done a lot of growing up;  
We were never meant to be together._

_Cuz something changed,  
You were actin' so strange,  
And it's taken it's toll on me.  
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave._

He'd forgiven her time and time again... God he always forgave her. For everything she said, every unpolite comment; for every night she slept on the couch until he bought her what she wanted or until he played into her widespread hands again.

What did he get in return...? Hell... When Jared came back, almost only half-alive from facing off against the Cree pack and damn near starved to death and emotionally scarred for life after witnessing the rape and attempted murder of his packsister Kim just looked at him like she was wondering when he would've finally returned home. Not because she was worried; because she was lonely and things needed to be fixed up around the house.

The very day after his return, he'd fixed the front step and ran to the store for petunia seeds.

"Kim... I've tried my best to make you happy. But _nothing_ is ever good enough...!"

Kim was pretty much struck too aghast to really say much else... So she sat there and listened. Only then did Jared remember the Kim he'd known before he imprinted on her. Well... _Not _known was more like it. Kim had sat beside him in math class for an entire year without even saying a word to him. Or a word to many other people, actually. The only thing Jared had ever really noticed about the girl was that her hair was as lifeless as wet newspaper and so was her personality.

Then he phased.

And she became everything.

Jared almost laughed.

"You know Kim... I _never _would've talked to you if it weren't for the imprint. Wouldn't have even _looked_ at you! You..." He was doing it... His chest wasn't hurting. "You are actually a horrible person, and I dunno know why fate chose to tie me to you but it ends today. I'm done. For good. Take all your crap and get out of my house."

"Jared, please you're not thinking right now! I know I've been hard on you, but-" '_I can't lose him.' _-"We're meant to be together! You _know_ it you know how much I love you...!"

She was almost screaming again. Kim was always, always, _always _screaming or bitching about something. The damn woman just could _not _be happy.

It often made Jared feel like a failure.  
But now, he could finally see how wrong he'd been.

_Without you; I live it up a lil more every day.  
Without you; I'm seein' myself so differently.  
I didn't wanna believe it then;  
But it all worked out in the end.  
When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine'...  
Without you..._

_Cuz something changed,  
You were actin' so strange,  
And it's taken it's toll on me.  
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave.  
Whoaaaaa yeahhhhhhh!_

Kim arose from her seat at the table now just as he did, and grabbed at his arm; her small hands clambering to pull him away from the door.

"You _CAN'T_ leave me...!" She wailed. And cried. And screamed. And wailed some more. Hell... Leave it to Kim to try and start another fight at the most important time when talking was needed instead. But like Jared though; that was just her way. The girl had fought so hard to get his attention, scribbling his last name with her's in all her notebooks and other stupid shit like that and now that she finally had Jared in her clutches, it was like she would rather die than to let him go.

Even if making him stay with her was making him miserable.

No... She could never be the woman he loved.

(Jared also preferred green eyes to brown.)

"I'm leaving Kim. I can't live with you; you know what? Sell the damn house, keep it I don't give a shit. I'm gonna move back in with mom, or stay with one of the guys maybe... Bein' in this house once you're gone is only gonna remind me of the years I wasted."

He spat his words and made for the door.

_Without you; I live it up a lil more every day.  
Without you; I'm seein' myself so differently.  
I didn't wanna believe it then;  
But it all worked out in end...  
When I watched you walk away well I never thought I'd say, 'I'm fine'...  
Without you._

_Without you.  
Without you...  
Without you..._

Jared pulled his arm out of her's, and walked out the door into the sunlight. As he watched the twinkling, clear sky above he remembered himself as the man he was before his love was thrust upon one not worthy.

Confident.  
Reliable.  
Strong.

Free.

And for once in a long time, everything he did was for him and him alone.

It felt good.

_I just wanna be alone tonight...  
I just wanna take a little breather..._

_

* * *

_

**MS: **And ta-dah! Jared finally makes the choice that believes will be best for him :) Reviewreviewreview! Please and thank you? :) The next chapter will take us back with Leah and Sam. PS: Roleplay! Any takers?


	4. Beat Inside Me

**MS: **Hey guys, I've GOT to apologize for the horrendously long wait. You will NEVER understand how much writers block a later chapter just gave me; and I don't update unless I have the next chapter written and ready to go so there's no pressure :) Butttt here it is! This chapter... Is touchy. I hope it offends no one, because this is a touchy subject I know and guys, all I could do was try my best at it. So here we are; Back to Sam and Leah, and her path to recovery.

* * *

She figured some small part of her (big part) would always be bothered by the rain.

The wet drops cascading down from the sky, no matter how soft or hard, still brought memories to the surface inside of Leah that she would've rathered leave forgotten and buried. Not that she'd ever be so lucky, but... Leah still hoped.

Even now, as she lay in bed, legs entwined with her lover and his strong arm slung over her waist, hot, muscled chest pressed to her back Leah's eyes couldn't leave the rainy windowpane. It wasn't horrible out; No epic, torrential downpour to rival the storm that had caused all of La Push so much grief over her but it was epic to Leah. Even if it was just her. The small droplets of cold water, running down the glass and misting with other tiny puddles to form shapes, expressions, all reflections of the great nature of the outdoors.

All memories that made her shiver.

_She was so wet. It was raining so hard, even as she struggled she could barely see. Her hand was pulsing... God it hurt so bad. Leah didn't understand it, she'd had broken bones before... Maybe it just hurt more now 'cause she was panicking._

_It wasn't like she was willing to spend a lot of time debating that in her head. She wanted to wipe her eyes clean... Was it blood? Or was it rainwater? He was heavy on top of her back and she just wanted him off. Leah couldn't even detect a pattern inside her own head to her thrashes and struggles to shake Karl off her. _

_But he wouldn't budge. _

_Leah heard him take off his belt though._

_It was like something clicked, then, and for a moment she'd never felt so terrified. Her surroundings blurred, her vision dimmed and all she had in her heart was FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT. So she did. _

_But he still never moved._

_Hell he had his friends help hold her still._

_Her face was still wet. Was it blood? Was she crying? Was it rain? Leah felt a sudden, slick burn as Karl shoved himself inside her-_

"Sam...?", she asked, not taking her eyes off the dappled grey windowpane. Shadows of the slithering forms of rainwater danced across the floor, and she noted the large black mass that appeared on the hardwood as Sam raised his head.

"Yeah LeeLee...?" His voice was soft; it was always soft.

"How do you think someone... Someone can just do that to somebody...?" He had to strain to hear her words. The arm he kept over Leah's small waist drew careful fingertips along her stomach, trying to soothe her. He could tell in her voice when Leah wanted comfort. He always could.

"Do what...?" He said softly, pressing himself closer to her.

"Rape somebody."

In the blink of an eye the serenity of the room seemed to disappear a little; Sam felt like his own arm over Leah must've felt like a prison to her and maybe he was too close to her. Was he too close? Was he too loud, too touchy-feely? (Yet his response was pulling her back a little tighter to his chest.)

His mind began to reel from the simpleness of that one brutal little query. Unease had settled over the couple in the bed and Sam could almost feel himself start to hyperventilate. Carlisle had said talking helped... Yeah, he had to let her talk... But what could he say? What if he said something wrong? What if he made her feel worse...?

Leah had only been out of the hospital ward at Carlisle's for a week, and this was the first night she'd spent sleeping over at casa de Uley sans Emily Young. Was it too much, too soon...?

'_God Sam... Pull yourself together... Jesus.'_

What made everything even worse... Was the fact that he didn't know the answer.

"I... I don't know, LeeLee... Some things just don't make sense, I guess..." She was quiet again. Sam's fist clenched at her stomach. Just how _could_ people do that? Why would you ever want to hurt someone like that...! ...How was he supposed to answer...?

It always started like that. It may have been the first time Leah directly brought up her ordeal herself, but there was always someone. Some person at the grocery store. Some asshole on the sidewalk. Someone always brought it up.

_"What a pity. Poor girl's still hospitalized, I heard."  
"Sue Clearwater was almost off her rocker most of the time she was gone. Her brother too."  
"Won't matter now, Leah will be crazy enough for the works of em if it's true that she was raped and beaten. That sorta thing just doesn't go away."_

Everytime Sam heard a comment like that he wanted to punch the person who said it in the face. Knock their teeth out, strangle them with his bare hands. Let them go through what his LeeLee had to go through.

Because it was _fair._

What happened to Leah wasn't fair.

As he pondered, he confirmed himself; it _always_ started like that. Hesitation... His worry, his panic. Then it progressed to an anger and rage so deep and dark his black fur finally made sense to him.

Sam was murderous. If only he could find them now... If only he knew where those pricks had run off to, he would-

"Do you think, maybe... Maybe that sorta thing, happened to them once...?"

He looked down at her again. Sam wasn't aware his eyes had slipped to the pelting windowpane, actually... He wasn't aware that the rain could actually be _heard_ outside till now either.

Gave him the chills.

Maybe Leah was right, though... That's how freaks became freaks, right? How serial killers started, how hundreds of people ended up dead. Some poor sap's horrible upbringing. Had they all been treated like that? Victims of slander, abuse and sexual torture?

Sam didn't know how long he pondered her words. It was a really valid point... Like father like son. Maybe Karl's dad had had an itchy trigger finger. Maybe he was a drunk. A fiend. Maybe Janice's mom was one of those crack addicts that sold out her own daughter for drug money. The list went on and on and on.

Sam got angrier, and angrier. Leah's warm, soft hand rested on his arm. He must've been shaking.

See, all of that... It never gave those fuck-ups any excuse. It didn't. Not at all.

Because Sam's dad was an asshole too. A real grade-A fuckwad who did nothing with his life except drink, smoke, and beat the important people in it till even he saw no more reason to stick around such a useless place. Joshua Uley had been a tyrant. Sam had watched his father beat his mother to the point of blood; and then he'd seen his own bruises in the mirror if he tried to intervene, as a child. No more than five.

He watched his old man bring home women... Other women to tease and aggrivate his mom, even if he didn't understand what was going on back then but now he did... Jesus, Sam had witnessed things as a child that should've fucked him up.

But it didn't.

At least... He didn't think it did... Leah used to tell him he was nothing like his father. Even after he'd hurt Emily, and he'd felt remorse and guilt so strong he cried at night not because he hurt the woman he loved but because he was scared of turning into the man he hated. Leah still told him he was no Josh Uley.

He was Samuel Uley.

One smart kid, one bright bulb and with a whole lot of positive leadership qualities to offer.

So... If Sam was put through hell and back as a kid, and turned out alright...

What the fuck was their excuse?

"Maybe, Lee... I dunno. It will never make it okay. I don't care if their damn father was Hitler... it doesn't make it okay." He spoke lowly to her, the restless hairs at her neck and ears moving with his soft, huffing breath. Sam went back to watching her then... She was so lost inside her thoughts. Her blue eyes never came back to his. They stayed on the floor, watching the delocalized shadows of the rain.

"Mmm... I remember watchin' movies, and crime shows... Hearing girls scream when it happened to them... It used to make me cold inside." Sam actually felt the shiver shoot up her spine. "...Did I scream like that...? Didn't he get cold inside too...? I hated that feeling... Why didn't he?"

Every word she spoke was like another dagger to Sam's slowly-repairing heart; another cold drop of rain that had imaginarily sprung a leak from his roof, landing on his forehead and jolting him from rest. It was pain.

Sam never wanted to hear her scream. (But he had.)

And once again, Sam wanted to douse himself in that freezing rainwater and twist that dagger because he had no way to answer her. No way to make all of her pain and nervousness run from the hills; No plausible escape route for her. Once again he was sitting on the damn fence with his thumb up his ass, and goddamn useless. He absolutely hated it.

"Because he was just..." Sam growled; a wolfy sound that seemed to come from the angry inner beat within. "They were just fucked up people, Leah... They need help. But only after they get what they deserve."

(Sam didn't want to get them help; Sam wanted to get them grave sites.)

"Mmm... D'ya think they ever think about me?"

"What do you mean?"

"If they have any regrets... They took off, didn't they? They don't know if I lived or died..." Leah's voice was so estranged from the bold, bright and sarcastic girl he'd known before this whole disaster. She was making a recovery... Sam knew that. The girl wouldn't of been lying in bed, in his arms if she hadn't been. But still... Every now and again Leah talked and it seemed like all the happiness had gone from the world.

"You know... I wish I knew how to help you."

She looked up at him, head turned a little to see over her shoulder. (He noticed the way her eyes inconspicuously overlooked the marred scar of her bullet wound, underneath the thin string of her pajama shirt.)

"You saved me."

"No. You saved us. And I still feel like I'm here and I can't return the favor. ...Please just keep in mind that I wish I could... I _really,_ really wish I could." Sam's voice got even lower and softer at the end and Leah hated it when he took that tone. She never wanted to mention it to Sam... But sometimes it made her feel like she wasn't doing as good as she could be. Like she was still only taking babysteps to getting back to her old self. She'd been doing good, hadn't she? She slept over his house... They kissed... She let her Mom throw a welcome home party with the entire pack...

Just why did he think he was never enough? When he was still everything she'd ever wanted.

Leah didn't know what to say... Frankly, after the outburst that drove her into the storm of her life she didn't have it in her to argue his statement.

"I love you." She whispered.

Sam pulled her closer.

_My love; Leave yourself behind.  
Beat inside me; Leave you blind.  
My love; You have found peace.  
You were searching, for release._

Carlisle told Sam she would be jumpy; Unused to kind touches again and maybe rebuff a helping hand simply because she could. Regaining control. Learning all over again, the feeling of getting used to your loved ones and their affection. Fear.

**As soon as she stepped in through the door, Seth flew to her. He wrapped his arms around her like she was the greatest thing he'd ever seen; Hell, she probably was... Because the last time he'd seen her she hadn't been looking so good, and that was a fact. It hurt Sam, though... It probably hurt Seth more. She cringed; as soon as his arms came into contact with her stiff, uneasy frame Leah's body jerked a little like a bolt of electricity had run through her... Like 'this is Seth; he's your brother. This isn't Karl. And Seth would never do anything to hurt you.' ...**

_You gave it all; Gave into the call.  
You took a chance and, you took the fall for us.  
You came thoughtfully; Loved me faithfullly,  
You taught me honor...;  
You did it for me._

Carlisle told Sam she would be disassociated from her usual self; And would experience a serious lack of confidence. The most common behaviours before will seem terrifying... Nerve-wracking, and Leah might carry a feeling of disbelief for just how she could've been the way she was. Of course, being vulnerable, or attention-grabbing would be a strict No.

**She always loved the beach. It was like Leah's second home. You could find her there, diving, swimming, exploring the rocks or sunbathing any given time of day or night because that was just who she was. Partial nudity came with it; No one could rock a bikini like the infamous Leah Clearwater. Sam and the guys found themselves missing that when Leah wore a pull-over black, baggy hoodie to the beach supper they'd planned, and denim capris to boot...**

_Tonight, you will sleep for good...  
You will wait...;  
For me my love._

_Now I am strong; You gave me all.  
You gave all you had...  
And now I am home..._

Carlisle said patients can go two different ways. Some veer away from human contact after sexual assault or abuse, and don't want to be touched or comforted. Or even socialize. He said others tend to fair just a bit differently, and feel the obsessive need to stick close to anyone and anything that the victic might perceive as safety. Or love and affection.

**She spoke about it; Or expressed her need for it but Sam wasn't allowed to leave the room. Not after Leah was allowed out of bed, that is. In bed she seemed okay; Lost inside her own mind and her own dreams. But in a sea of people, or somewhere public she was knitted to Sam's side. Her hand in his, his arms around her just because he was warm. He was warm, and he was safe. If, god forbid some reason Sam couldn't be around for a few hours, Seth or Jacob took his place. Hand in hand, arms around her. Yeah she never spoke about it... But it was painfully obvious that she needed protecting...**

_My love;Lleave yourself behind.  
Beat inside me; Leave you blind.  
My love, look what you can do;  
I am mending, I'll be with you._

Carlisle said that maybe she wouldn't dream ever again; Or, if she did, they would be horrible, screaming nights that forced her to return to the darkest depths of hell inside her own mind all over again. Nights of rolling over constantly, legs and arms kicking and whimpers into the silent night around her. Maybe they wouldn't ever stop.

**Sometimes when she slept Sam put his head to her chest; Just to see if she was still there. She was so still... So eerily still that it seemed like her living, Leah coming back to him had been all some sick, twisted fantasy... A fairtytale dream. She never made a sound when she slept. Every now and again, on the nights where Sam would lie awake because it was raining and he expected the worst, he might've caught a tear drop or two leaking down her cheek. That was it.**

_You took my hand; And added a plan.  
You gave me your heart.  
I asked you to dance, with me.  
You loved honestly; Did what you could release.  
Aaah... Ooohhhhh..._

Sam looked down at her. She'd fallen asleep in his arms. He felt bad for a moment... He didn't think he'd answered her.

But he did... Oh god, he did. He adored her. Loved her. Irrevocably. He would've liked to dare Romeo and Juliet, or Bella and Edward to his and Leah's love. They've suffered more; Been through harder trials and true love won out in the end.

They'd learned to live for and with eachother; They'd saved eachother.

Sam knew he had to keep saving. Even now... As Leah lay asleep under the hard curve of his arm, her small back pressed tightly to his chest he saw the tears gently rolling down her cheeks. Would he ever tell her she cried when she slept? He didn't need to... He saw Leah wake up in the mornings, drag herself to the bathroom rubbing at the dryness on her cheeks. Wiping at her face with a cool cloth. Sam could read it on her face.

Her red eyes, the dark circles... She knew she wept when she slumbered. Of course she did.

But Leah would always be Leah... And keep that minor issue to herself instead of talking it out because that was _her_; That was her way. Leah Clearwater; Strong, and brave... Determined to live life on her own after the day life broke her in half.

_I know; In peace, we'll go.  
I won't... Relive this loss._

Leah would get better. Sam knew it.

Even if it was one step at a time, he just knew it... He thought honestly, they all did in a way. Because she was Leah; She always bounced back. Nothing could tear her down, she'd proved that. All alone, she'd done and accomplished so, so much...

So with the right helpers along the way, only god knew what else she could be. What else she could do.

Leah will sleep beside him in bed; Kiss him, and tell him she loves him. She'll make herself laugh and play with her pack brothers because that's what she was to them; She was love and she was strength. Maybe they hadn't seen it before... But they did now.

(Sam saw it all along; But who was he to judge?)

_Now I am strong.  
You gave me all...  
You gave all you had;  
And now I am whole._

_(beat inside..)_

_My love, leave yourself behind.  
Beat inside me, I'll be with you..._

Sam gently kissed her forehead and let her cry. If bottling things up, at least for awhile, was how Leah dealt... Then Sam would let her. If it was how she recovered, Sam would watch and help every way he knew how.

Just another baby step, just another sunny or rainy day.


	5. Look Ahead

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

'Come on Embry, please be home... You're always home.'

_Ring._

_Ring._

'Dammit...'

Claire tugged on Quil's pants leg, and he looked down at her from the receiver for a moment. He really had to get a cell phone.

"Is my Mama soon gon' be here?"

Quil couldn't help but smile. Even at the growing age of four Claire's baby-talk managed to turn his frown upside down.

Actually, void of the last ten minutes Quil had had a pretty decent day... He woke up, the sun was shining, had a big breakfast courtesy of his Mom and then he jogged to Claire's house in Makah. Now here he was, at the 'Playland Palace' in Port Angeles with his little Claire-bear hanging onto his leg. Her Mom had been kind enough to drive the long distance to PA, but much to Quil's dismay, around five minutes ago it turned out that Mrs. Young had been called into work suddenly...

And with Claire's Dad away on business (Good thing too, he never really did like Quil), the wolf found himself and little Claire stranded in Port Angeles.

"Your Mom can't come get us Claire, she has work, remember?"

"Oh..." Claire's cute small face turned down as if she was pondering something while sucking her tiny thumb. It was downright adorable, made Quil wish he had a camera.

(Also made him think that _yeah; _The guys weren't just goofing when they called him gay.)

Was Quil gay? In the romantic way? Not at all; He loved women... In fact, maybe he loved them a little too much. Especially naked pictures in magazines. But that was besides the point; The guys teased him just a little too often, and it did get downright annoying after awhile because clearly, Quil's choices in life weren't up to their standards. It had lessened just a little since the whole... Yeah, since the whole _incident, _and the pack was careful to be nicer to one another and just to put in that extra effort that made pack equal family.

Quil sighed and put the phone receiver down, then picked it up again.

Goddammit, he was running out of quarters... He better reach somebody soon or else Claire was getting one hell of a long piggyback ride back to La Push.

(Either that or a wolf-back ride.)

Sticking another coin through the slot, he heard the familiar clanging of metal and he punched in Sam's number.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

'Fuck Sam... What, when Emily moved out she took the phone too?'

_Ring._

_Ring._

Then hallelujah. Quil heard the telltale click of Sam's phone being answered and he breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"Sam man, thank god! I was starting to wonder where everyone disappeared to-"

"Quil?"

"...Hello? Leah, that you?"

"Yeah... Hi. Sam's covering Paul's patrol for half an hour. Is everything okay?"

Quil's mouth was suddenly dry and it was like he couldn't feel Claire's small hand curling and unfurling in his pants leg. Even the screams and laughs of the children running past them, plastered in cake and cookies and every other sticky thing in the world didn't seem to phase him.

Talking to Leah was... Hard.

"Oh, uh, yeah... When did Sam leave?"

"Just a minute ago, why?"

"No reason... Just gonna ask for a ride, that's all."

"Oh, where you goin'?"

"Nowhere, me and Claire are in PA, and her mom got called in to work so we've got no ride back..." _'Don't offer... Don't offer... Don't offer...'_

"Oh, I can come get you."

_'Shit.'_

"No no no, uh, that's a lot of trouble Lee, it's okay, you don't have to..."

"Quil. Just tell me where you are, I'm leaving now."

It was useless to argue with her... Hell, after she got back in mostly one piece (remarkably) all the guys thought arguing with her was pretty much the last thing they'd ever want to do again, considering the damage it caused... The scare it had given them.

"Uh... The Playland Palace, it's on the right side of the road by the downtown movie theatre..." Quil felt like kicking himself. Claire was watching him with her bright little brown eyes, probably wondering just why her Quilly had suddenly taken to mouthing off curse words silently. Sam had told Quil that Leah shouldn't be stressed... Geeze, Sam warned them.

"_Carlisle said that there shouldn't be any stress... No huge responsibilities, not until she's used to mundane life again. I don't want any of you guys nagging her or asking her questions about what happened! If she wants to talk, she'll start a conversation herself. I don't want her being alone either, not if I can help it, so just watch what you do and say around her."_

Guess Sam couldn't help it.

"Alright, I'll be there in like, half an hour or so I guess. Wait for me." With that Leah hung up the phone.

Quil put the receiver back in the recepticle, looked up at the hot pink ceiling of the playland and cursed. "Fuck..."

Claire tilted her little head; Black curls dusting her shoulders.

"You said a bad word."

Quil looked down.

"Don't repeat that, okay Claire-bear?"

"'Won't... Daddy says it all th'time..." Quil picked his imprint up in his strong arms, the relationship he held with her purely of a brotherly, fatherly sense. (And speaking of father, he didn't want Claire's to beat the holy shit out of him if he found out Quil was teaching his baby girl bad words.)

"Your Daddy's a big man, he's allowed to say those words. You can too when you're older."

"Weally?"

He chuckled, and walked out of the toy-infested, child-overrun building.

"'Weally'.

When Quil and Claire stepped out onto the sunny parking lot that covered the grounds on the front and to the sides of the big, red, fancy establishment, Quil couldn't help but watch the people walking by. There were people of all shapes and sizes; All nationalities and all colors; It was almost refreshing.

(Did he love the rez? Totally. Did he wish maybe they were more diverse? Who didn't.)

But then Quil looked at the briefcases, the high heels, the cell phones...

Yeah, there was none of that in La Push.

Hell, some people in La Push still had big old clunky computer monitors, and VCRs, and the alarm clocks that were literal clocks with bells on the top... Life was simple there. For those people anyway. Quil looked at Claire sitting in his arms, swaddled in her bright pink coat. Her big woodsy eyes were scouting out the city of Port Angeles, looking around at all the different people just like he was. Claire's Mom was a nurse, in Forks. It was a pretty decent job. And, Claire lived in a pretty decent house; But still.

Just looking around at all the condos and all the fancy places before him, Quil knew Claire's life, her Mom's life, his Mom's life, the pack's life, and especially _his_ life would never ever amount to that type of prosperity.

Because for them, despite living in La Push, they authored on a realm where nothing would ever be simple. (Somewhere a nagging feeling told him that yeah; Maybe he should be bothered by that.)

And sometimes bad things happened to good people.

A car horn very close startled the living shit out of Quil then and Claire all but beat his chest with her small hands to get out of his arms.

"Aunt Leah! Aunt Leah!"

Her purple booties beat feat across the pavement, swung open the big black door of Leah's car and Claire climbed inside like Leah's old Chevy Impala was her own personal princess carriage.

Now _that_ was simple.

Quil couldn't help but smile as he trotted over to the passenger's side of the sixty-seven model (stood back for a moment to admire the magnificense of such a well-taken-care-of vehicle) and got in beside Leah.

But as soon as Quil's ass settled into the grooves of the worn leather seats, a cold tremor snaked it's way up his spine. It was the uncoiling tendril of fear; Embarrassment, and anxiety and maybe just a little bit of awkwardness thrown in there too. The hair on his arms goosebumped and stood on end

This had been the first time he was alone with Leah since she'd gotten out of the 'hospital'.

"Hey man."

"Hi, Leah..." He never failed to notice how when he was with Claire, the words flowed freely, easily... He never stuttered, he never ever sounded unsure of himself and she was the easiest person in the world for him to talk to. She was his imprint... His life. With Leah, it was different... Especially now. He felt that if he said the wrong thing, or moved too quickly... She'd shatter, or something... Break apart, or cry.

Quil couldn't handle her crying.

He'd better watch his mouth.

The last thing Quil wanted to do, the very last thing... Was to hurt her again. Had he been the meanest? No. That was Paul, and Sam. Had he ever stood up for her, or defended her...? No.

Claire was clicking her heels together in the back seat, completely ignorant of the hugeass elephant in the cab of the car and Quil suddenly would've given anything to be a child again. To not have to face what he'd done, and said. To not remember what he'd seen, and the fear and depression he had felt.

But, he had to.

For Leah.

"So how was the play-"

"How are you lately?"

Leah raised an eyebrow as Quil's cheeks flushed with embarassment. He'd effectively cut her off by accident. Maybe, just maybe he wasn't the only one feeling the obvious weight of the tension in the car. But much to his pleasure, Leah's lips just fell into a soft smile and she clicked her signal light, pulled out and they were headed towards home.

"I'm fine, Quil. Gettin' a little tired of people asking me that, though."

He slumped in his seat. He blew it.

"Sorry... I just... I was wondering, yah know..."

"Yeah, I know. Hey it's okay. ...I'm glad you care."

"Of course I care... Even if it hasn't always seemed like it..."

Leah chose to ignore that choice statement... Today, she'd so willingly agreed to come pick up Quil and Claire because she'd missed the connection she felt to her brother. Sure, even before this whole incident it was sparse at the best of times (when they were nice to eachother, that is) but they still talked; Chatted about movies, made plans for the next day, talked about food and news and stupid goddamn colorful cereal commercials...

And she didn't want to launch Quil into a guilt trip... Poor guy looked scared to death of the very thought.

"It's been hard, Quil... But I know you care. Thanks."

He looked over at her. He memorized her face.

Leah was not like Emily... She didn't bare the markings of her horrible ordeal etched onto her cheeks, or snarled through the contours of her plump lips. Leah did have the bullet scar...; But that was about it. There was the scar on her palm, from when Sam mixed their blood, but that was just minor too.

Quil knew Leah bore her jagged marks of pain and regret in the shadowed, deep hollows of her chest and on the face of her soul and dignity.

He didn't know how to ask about it, or to make it better-

"So how have you been?"

He had to shake his head to knock himself out of the apparent cloud of loose attention.

"Wha...?"

She giggled... It was soft, it was vaguely familiar... Like a sound he may have heard years before. (Why did it only strike him now how little Leah'd laughed with them? Had fun with them?)

"I asked how you've been, Quil... Good thing you're not the one driving."

"Oh, uh... Yeah... No kidding." Momentarily, Quil couldn't deny that he felt the least bit stunned. In the face of the last few weeks, Leah'd been: Heartbroken, taunted, raped, tortured, smacked around, half dead on the floor of some dirty-ass cave and then this big hero that just managed to save the day.

(Then fought for her life all over again in the white sheets of the Cullens' house.)

And yet here she was asking him how _his _week had worked out.

"Soooo are you gonna answer the question?"

Once again; Knee-jerk reaction of the totally dumb-stupored.

"Oh, yeah right... I..." He looked at her again. Her fingers held the steering wheel with no less grit than she'd ever had... Her eyes still followed the road and her hand still looked like it was always itching to turn up the dial on the radio. "...I've been good... Fine... Kinda."

He took two seconds to think about it. (Those two seconds Leah spent wishing he would actually tell her what was up... Quil was just another one of the many who had a spiritual awakening to attend to lately. She'd had her's, Sam had his... Now Leah guessed it was Quil's turn.)

"...You know, on second thought I'm not really sure..."

_'Ahh, there it is.'_

"Why aren't you sure?" She raised an eyebrow, blue eyes leaving the ribbon-of-sunlight road to glance at him before returning out the windshield.

Quil bit his bottom lip. Sam had purposely said... No nagging, no stressing, no stupid awkward conversations that might have the chance to make her feel bad. How would this turn out...? Quil was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure unloading your personal shitstack of problems on someone who was probably dealing with one hundred times that of their own was a little like stressing.

And Leah could read it all over his cute russet face.

She sighed softly.

"...I'm not going to fall apart, you know. It's okay to talk to me... Talking... In this weird sorta way, kinda helps. It makes everything feel normal, know what I mean?"

Well... Quil thought about it some more. Claire was happily still clicking her heels in the backseat, her bright eyes gazing out at the land that whizzed by the Impala windows. Other cars, other kids she waved to, and when they stopped at lights, Claire was quite happy to say either:

"Red!"  
"Yellow!", or,  
"Green! Go Aunty Leah!"

It wasn't like he could talk to any of the guys about shit this lame... And he and Leah really _should _get to talking more, she was part of his pack, his family... His sister.

Yeppppp, green means go.

"Okay, well... Sometimes I think I could be doin' more than this."

"More than what?"

"This... Patrolling all day, babysitting all night, patrolling all night, babysitting all day..."

Hm. Interesting... Quil was tired of the... Of the routine, imprinted lifestyle. Had her disappearance and discovery really sparked so much of a change throughout her brothers...? Sometimes, Leah found herself still pinching at her arms to make herself believe that Sam was really back in the picture.

Looking down at her forearm, one hand off the wheel she did it again.

"I see... Are you sure? I mean, what do you mean by 'more'?"

"I guess I don't just wanna be doing this for the rest of my life... At least no one else wants me to."

Leah couldn't help but smile. She'd figured it had something to do with the way the guys treated Quil. They were always ragging on him for something; Whether it be going to Claire's school plays, babysitting her instead of ordering pizza and chilling with the guys... Stuff like that. Honestly Leah didn't know where they got off on calling Quil down; Claire was his _imprint, _it wasn't like they didn't understand what that, as Leah guessed, _draw_ was... Quil never complained when Jared skipped patrol because Kim cooked dinner, so why couldn't he stay home and eat KD with his Claire-bear?

"Maybe I should get a job, or start going out more... I mean at least then I have something else in my life except for being the world's greatest big brother, right...?" (He said the right thing; Leah couldn't really handle Quil seeing Claire as anything else than his little sister... It was just a little too disgusting for her taste.)

"Is that what you want?" She raised one finely groomed eyebrow at him again, and watched his broad shoulders shrug. _Nope._

"I wanna be happier...? So I guess..."

Leah let the edges of her lips turn upwards in a reassuring smile, and she turned up the volume on the radio. Ahhh, Boston; Great for the drive, good for the soul.

_Now if you're feelin' kinda low 'bout the dues you been payin';  
Future's comin' much too slow.  
And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin';  
Can't decide on which way to go...  
Yeah yeah yeah!_

The Impala kept eating up the kilometers, and Leah soaked in all of Quil's words. Just by listening to his voice (Unhappy, non-bubbly like Quil's usually was), Leah could practically measure the level of unsettlement bathing in Quil's head and visualize the mental gears turning as he figured out what else to say, what not to say, and what to do to start working on his predicament.

The man's eyes had turned outward, he too watching the surroundings as the car passed them by. In his mind, Quil kinda looked at them like milestones... Each passing tree an event that somehow managed to re-wire his life.

The day he met Bella Swan... The day he phased... The day he imprinted on Claire... The day Leah phased... The day she took off into that storm and he'd thought for awhile, '_Paul's a dick but she _does _need to get over it.'_

Then of course the day he thought he'd lost his pack sister for good, and maybe that he was going to lose even his own life.

Things had to change.

"Quil? Did you hear me? Stop zoning out on me man."

"What? Oops... My bad."

"I said," She was still smiling, "That I think you're fine just the way you are."

_I understand about indecision;  
But I don't care if I get behind.  
People livin' in competition;  
All I want is to have my peace of mind.  
Yeah._

Quil looked over at her.

"Hm?"

"You heard me... I know what the guys say to you bothers you sometimes. But it shouldn't. Let them say what they're gonna say, there's no way it should matter to you anyway. You have a good thing, Quil."

"What's my good thing...?"

She rolled her eyes, the smile turning slightly more playful as if saying 'You're not that dumb are you?'. Somehow, throughout their entire conversation Leah had yet to even swerve over the yellow line a little, and she was doing a hundred; Made Quil pretty damn jealous. Maybe he should get himself a car too.

"What you have in general, is a good thing Quil." Leah pressed down a little harder on the gas pedal, inconspicuously as she juggled Quil's response with singing along to the radio in her head. Hm... Idly, she wondered what had ever become of her old iPod. Still rotting on that bloodied battlefield; Maybe it was buried beneath the avalanche of rocks.

"Elaborate please...?" He looked back at her. Leah cracked the window, letting the breeze catch her hair. Adjusting a piece and putting it behind her ear (Quil thought she _did _look better with long hair), Leah flicked her eyes at him.

"Why do you think you need to change? If the guys weren't saying things to you, and... Maybe if what happened to me hadn't happened then you'd keep going on with things just as they are."

Quil gulped; There it was, mentioning the 'incident'...

"See, Quil I think you're just fine."

"I... Don't really get it Leah... Yeah yeah I might be havin' a dumbass moment, but I don't get it...?"

She sighed.

"How is a job, and a more busy lifestyle gonna make things better for you when you're happy just as you are...?"

_Now you're climbin' to the top of the company ladder;  
Hope it doesn't take too long.  
Can't cha see there'll come a day where it won't matter;  
Come a day when you'll be gone._

_I understand about indecision;  
But I don't care if I get behind.  
People livin' in competition;  
All I want is to have my peace of mind._

"I..." Quil needed to think about it; For like the one hundredth time that ride. He _was _happy... Not when Paul was saying he was a gay homebody who needed to lose his virginity, or when Jared teased him about not having the time of day to lay around in the meadow with the pack but Quil _was _happy when he was home, playing video games with Claire, wasn't he? Satisfied at the very least.

"You what? You can't tell me seeing her laugh doesn't make you smile." Leah turned her aquatic blue eyes upwards towards the rearview mirror, and eyed Claire drawing pictures using the steam of the window. 'I,' big heart, 'Quil.' "Because Quil dude, I hate imprinting and really, she makes _me _smile."

"Yeah... It does. I love seeing my Claire-bear laugh. She thinks I'm hilarious." Leah noticed, that when Quil talked about Claire he didn't stutter like he was unsure.

"And you like spending time with her... I'd imagine you would."

"Yeah, I do."

"Then, where does you're huge want to get a job and be the busybody come into play? Because really man, I can't see you in a suit." She chuckled.

Quil tilted his head; He couldn't help but smile. Leah was right... Hell did they make suits that big anyway?

"Yeah... I guess I would." He gave a deep chuckle that made Leah feel like maybe she was getting somewhere... And if she was, so was he.

"See, that's the Quil I know." She almost grinned; Almost. "You're the only guy I know who can tell me what's gonna be on that Teletoon tv channel any time of the day and at the same time, know just what to get Claire for her birthday."

(Leah and Quil both acted like they didn't see the child's ears perk up instantly; Another surprise for another day.)

"You're perfect just where you are in life Quil, and with what you do. You don't need to toss and turn at night over stupid decisions... But hey. I'm not gonna tell you how to run your life because if there's anything I'm hopin' you guys learned, it's that sometimes you gotta take fate into your own hands and give it a big 'Screw You' if it thinks it's fun to drown you."

_Take a look ahead; Take a look ahead; Look ahead...!_

_Now everybody's got advice, they just keep on givin';  
Doesn't mean too much to me.  
Lots of people out to make believe they're livin';  
Can't decide on who they should be...!_

"...Thanks, Leah..." He looked out the window. "What-... Holy shit. We just passed the ten kilometer sign, it's only been like fifteen minutes..." He raised an eyebrow in obvious confusion. The drive between La Push and Port Angeles was a long half an hour at _least._

Leah laughed; It was nice.

"See, everybody has a path, a comfort zone and sometimes we like to stay in that comfort zone. It's all fine just like it is. I know you drive slow; But I drive fast. I didn't change it for you, andddd even though I should've for Claire, I kinda didn't; My mistake. But otherwise, I like my music loud as hell too and that's a small change I did make. So, it's up to you to make your own changes and it's up to you to decide what to keep and what to search for." Quil glanced at the speedometer... Jesus, Leah was gunnin' it to one thirty-five an hour in a nineties area...

He hadn't even noticed.

"So Quil, stay in _your _comfort zone, because sometimes it's better where we belong. You might not be happy; You're not sad. But you're content, and you're living. Just the way you want to."

Leah ran a red light like she could foresee no traffic, and then they were a minute away from home.

_I understand about indecision;  
But I don't care if I get behind.  
People livin' in competition;  
All I want is to have my peace of mind...;_

Leah pulled up to a stop by Quil's. He got out, got Claire in the backseat who hung onto him like she massively enjoyed her Aunty Leah's reckless driving and practically vibrated in his arms. He walked around to the passenger's side.

"Thanks Lee... We'd be stuck without you." '_So would I.'_

"No problem... What are you doin' tonight? Goin' to the bonfire?"

"...Nah. I might rent some movies."

Leah smiled. _'That's my boy.' _She cranked up the volume and put the pedal to the metal.

"I'll see yah."

"You too."

Quil let Claire run along inside... He was excited to get the game console started up again, see if the little girl could kick his ass at Spyro. Yep... This was the life.

As he watched the Impala speed off down the dirt roadway towards the Clearwater home, and the loud music droned out of the car speakers Quil got one last thought that maybe he didn't need to ponder over for once.

If the girl who'd been through so much gave him such good advice that helped him straighten out his problems and get some ground back to his thoughts and feelings...

Maybe he wasn't the only one who'd been regaining his peace of mind.

_Take a look ahead! Take a look ahead! Look ahead...!_

Recovery.

* * *

**MS: **Yeah yeah I know :/ Where the hell have you been right? Well sorry about that guys, it's been this last week in general... It's been quite possibly the worst year of my life and I soooo wasn't in the mood to write. I didn't have much inspiration either; My roleplay partner has been on vacation and she doesn't get back home till tomorrow hahaha, so she hasn't been online. Either way; God knows you people are sick of hearing about this, but I ammmm interested in starting a new msn roleplay with new people :) Message me if you're interested! PS; DON'T message me if you don't like Leah with Sam or Jake, because those are the only 2 characters I put her with in my roleplays :p lol. In other words, the final chapter of 2D4N should be out sometime soon; It's been a BITCH to write. So thanks for reading guys, please give the roleplay notice some consideration and please review! :)


	6. As Long As One And One Is Two

**MS: **This one's about family. And in that passing note... I'd like to say I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, and a Crazy Kwanza! Andddd a hilarious holidays? Lol, just hope you guys had some good ones. I spent time with my family and it reminded me of how important they are. After Christmas I went back and edited this little number just a bit, all because Christmas put into perspective how important my parents are to me; My sister too. Even if me and my family don't always get along. All in all folks, this chapter's a little on the short side but enjoy :) Review. If you do, the next chapter just might take us back down Sam and Leah Lane.. ;)

* * *

The hairs on the back of her neck bristled; Stood on end, like the walls themselves, the portraits...

Their eyes were watching her.

Leah had never really noticed how big her house was until now... The porch, with coats, shoes and the washer and dryer and the window made into the door and the other window in the wall. Her kitchen, big sink, tons of cupboards long and tall, dining table, a fan on the ceiling and a fluorescent light that just flicked now and again. From there, through the threshold was the living room with two small couches, a loveseat, the entertainment system and in one corner was the back door leading out to the yard, and beside it the stairs that took you to the second level of the Clearwater home. Still attached to the living room was a long hallway, that showed the viewer the downstairs bathroom, her mother and her fa-... Her mother's room, and the guest bedroom. Walking up those stairs took you to Leah's room and her brother's, and Leah's personal bathroom.

Her house was _huge._

Leah'd never really noticed all the fine little details before either... The shagged up bit of carpet near the backdoor where once her father's fishing line had gotten stuck; The tiny little gravy stain on the arm of the couch closest to the tv where her brother was content to always have his supper and the way one fan blade in the kitchen seemed weirdly shorter than the rest.

Nope... She'd never noticed those before now.

But then again she'd never felt like a stranger... Like an intruder in her own home either.

(Or like there _was _an intruder in her own home.)

Leah began to tap her fingernails impatiently on the granite countertop of the kitchen. She'd been standing in that same spot for nearly fifteen minutes now... Fifteen minutes earlier her brother and Sam had left urgently for fear of an unknown bloodsucker on the lands. (_"No Leah... I won't risk you being in a dangerous situation. Not yet. I won't, you're staying home. I'm sorry.")_

Her Mom was in Forks, with Charlie.

It was the first time she'd been completely alone since being rescued from that dank, dark, forgotten basement.

She used to love being alone... Now Leah found it was almost too quiet. She didn't like it. Jesus, Charlie must've even fixed the leaky sink faucet. No _drip drip drip._

She could've went upstairs and shut on her stereo, she supposed... But Leah didn't feel like walking up, and having to shut lights on in the upper corridors.

Leah hadn't been up there yet at all, actually.

The girl sighed and pulled her thin pullover sweater tighter around her.

What was the heater on...? Why was it so cold?

Briefly it registered in her mind that it was cold because Sam wasn't there to hug his large, strong arms around her. He was so warm... So was she; Yet here she was, standing by the window, glowering out at the overcast sky. Goddamn weather... The last thing Leah ever wanted to see again was more rain, wind or snow.

As another mild shiver shot up her spine, like death's cruel finger twisting a vector into her back, Leah'd settled on the fact that she wasn't going to get any reprieve from the cold and gloom if she kept standing there by that damn window.

The same one her mother looked out of for like three weeks, no doubt.

So, she decided to take a shower.

It was on the first floor... No hugely long walk, with dark corners... Anddddd it was warm. For the most part it seemed like a pretty sweet deal, and Leah found herself walking before her mind had even fully settled on the decision. Besides... This was _her _house. How could she feel out of place in her own house...?

Needless to say, it had to change.

So she kept putting one foot in front of the other; Kept a steady gait as her cold toes carried her further and further towards her goal.

Across the rest of the kitchen; Through the threshold; Turn halfway into the living room; Start down the hallway.

That long, dark hallway...

Leah looked down as she felt the soft plush carpet of her living room underneath her toes, and only a few feet away the pale yellow eclipsed into a dusky grey from the looming shadows of the hallway. It seemed like a vortex... A black hole waiting to swallow her whole and Leah found herself clutching her sweater even tighter around her.

_'Jesus Leah... This is ridiculous. Come on, it's a goddamned hallway, not a pathway to hell. Just walk already...'_

Gulping roughly, and forcing herself to listen to the inner monologue of her mind's common sense Leah walked some more.

Past the gloomy shadowline, and into the dim hall.

Leah made it seven steps down the corridor she feared so much... Then she stopped dead in her tracks.

Leah turned to the left, and gently picked a framed photograph off the beige wall.

Enclosed in the mahogany wood frame, Leah made out the dingy outline of the figure sitting on the back bridge's wooden steps. The very familiar black and blue guitar sitting proudly astride his lap, cowboy hat adorning his head and she even made out the big grin; The sunny backdrop, with the bright green trees of the forest.

_Her father..._

She walked by that picture all the time... Since she was five it had been hanging on the wall, in that exact same place... Taken down only for painting and spring cleaning. Only now did Leah feel the need to lift it from it's place, wander into the living room with a ghost of a sad smile lingering on her dry lips.

Plopping down on the couch, Leah unanimously reached for the remote and flicked on the tv. (Small shred of familiarity.)

Not that, as an array of home videos flashed across the screen, Leah looked at it. Her ocean blue eyes were still glued to the photograph, resting in her left hand with so much more clarity.

Her heart began to absolutely _burn. _Ache with a poignancy that made her breath actually constrict and the hand that once held the remote leverage toward her sternum with an uneasy hesitance. All too quickly, Leah flew back to the pain of that day... The horrible once-more realization that she had turned into a monster.

That she had killed her father.

She remembered the wailing... The screaming. The thick fog in the air as she raced home from Sam's, bawling from the sight of him with Emily on the couch. Leah also remembered wanting it to rain... It would've been appropriate.

Mostly, before she saw her father grab his heart like something was wrenching it violently out of his chest, like some twisted demon after a worthy soul all Leah remembered hearing was the smash of that goddamn snowglobe... The tingly thunk as the necklace Sam had given to her in love fell to the floor.

(She missed that necklace... She wanted that necklace.)

But... Leah guessed, throughout all that, she must've been the white wolf she was today. (Not grey... White.) She didn't even get to hold her father... Didn't get to hold Harry in her arms and plead with him.

_'Dad! Dad-SOMEBODY GET HELP! CALL AN AMBULANCE...! Dad WHAT'S THE MATTER! DAD PLEASE! Talk to me...!" _

Maybe she'd been shouting those words in her head, the whole time... That part, Leah _couldn't_ remember. She didn't know if Sam had dragged her outside or not... She didn't know if the fur flew _inside_ the house, or out on the porch or the lawn and she didn't know what her Mom said to the EMTs on the phone or how Sam looked at her but she did know before her Dad fell, his old, kind eyes held nothing but fright, disbelief and pure unadulterrated horror.

His daughter had become a monster.

Harry Clearwater's eyes closed... Then a huge, black wolf walked into her line of vision.

And that was it.

After the hospital, and Leah'd received the news that her father had died of a massive heart attack Leah had felt absolutely the lowest she'd ever _dreamt _she could feel in her life.

Worse than that moment she saw Sam astride her cousin... Worse than that moment she realized her sister was a backstabbing whore... Worse than the moment her fingernails became claws and her skin grew shaggy with fur. Seeing her father's grey eyes close was the epitome of feeling like death.

Everything got cold... Not hot, like someone who knew shapeshifters got hot would think; ...Cold. Icy. Like someone with ice-cold hands had wrapped the universe into a tiny ball, and peeled the color away like dead skin; Until all the happiness was gone from the world.

After that night... Leah knew it was.

She clutched the reddish-brown finish even tighter in her palm until she felt the wood almost splinter.

That was when the anger set in.

Leah was _angry,_ mad at _everyone_ and everything... Because someone had made it okay for these awful things to happen to her.

And they kept happening.

Leah didn't even hear the familiar voices on the television screen as her blue gaze darkened to rival the begotten hallway she'd plucked the picture from... As Leah thought about the anger she still had.

Her rage, her undoubtable fury... Directed at her father.

Because that whole goddamned time... _All _the time Leah'd spent, crying in her room, crying over Sam, upset because of the love she had lost... Her father knew...

He had known _everything._

Harry Clearwater was a proud member of the La Push Tribal Council and that meant he was well aware of the legends, well aware of why Sam had disappeared and just why he wouldn't return Leah's calls. Why he stopped coming over to see her, sneaking through her window at night and then why one by one her friends became distant aquaintances... Then enemies.

Why the cousin who'd she'd sworn together with that they'd _never hurt eachother_, became her Sam's world...!

Leah didn't know how any man who truly loved his daughter could've dealt... Dealt with her cries at night, when even her baby brother had to rouse from his slumber to come and try to comfort her. The pain that Leah'd carried on her skin, on her heart and in her eyes daily and how Harry had the nerve to _still _ask her why she was so upset.

(_'Just a boy, Leah. There'll be other boys.')_

What was even worse, was how he'd must've met with Sam... Spoke to him, gave him directions and told him that it was _okay _to up and ditch someone you wanted to marry because of a stupid fucking imprint. That it was _okay _to be seeing the cousin, the _sister_ of your ex-girlfriend even though it would've killed her inside to know it. (She knew it, didn't she?)

Yet, her father must've kept completely friggen solid to the Tribal rules because Leah _knew_ Sam; He'd always had an amazingly great deal of respect for her father. Hell, Harry was the Dad Sam had never had! So... Sam would've backed off, he would've _fought_ the imprint back then if her dear old Dad hadn't told him it was _natural..! _That it was _okay...!_

When her mother looked at her, and told her to get over it because it _happened_ in life, he sat at the damn table and read his newspaper like it didn't matter to him.

(_'Oh Leah, don't be so petty! I know it hurts darling but you should be happy for Emily! She and Sam are in love darling, it's a beautiful thing.')_

Rules rules rules.

Seems like her father played by his _own _fucking rules and he didn't give a damn about her's...!

Leah bit her lip, so hard she thought it might've accelerated the tears she knew were building up just behind her shut eyelids... The photo frame dug hard into her palm until she smelt the coppery scent of her own blood.

Leah raised her arm and she poised to throw that goddamned picture of that man straight into the fucking wall when that familiar, beautiful, soothing voice from the television caught her attention.

**"This one's for my baby girl."**

He smiled; Tree branches waving shadows on his kind face, sun glinting in the corner of the camera screen as she heard her mother's laugh in the background.

His talented fingers began to move on the strings; Black wood shining with pride in the summertime heat and the blue looked just perfect, the designs intricate and she knew maybe he'd never intended to always keep the guitar himself.

_"If you whirl, leap awake in the mirror of a bad dream;  
And for a fraction, of a second you can't remember where, you are.  
Just open your window;  
And follow your memory upstream..;  
To that meadow in the mountain where we counted every falling star._

_I believe the light that shines on you, will shine on you forever.  
(Forever.)  
And though I can't guarantee there's nothin' scary hidin' under your bed...  
I'm gonna, stand guard;  
Like the postcard of a golden retriever.  
And never leave, till I leave you,  
With a sweet dream, in your head..."_

Leah's chest began to hurt again... Maybe more this time and she swallowed roughly. God, her Dad... He looked so happy. So bright and full of life and he looked at the camera as he sang those words like they were a prayer.

He'd written her so many songs... All on that guitar that he'd left her, in his will along with a few other things, like his car... Leah'd thought: 'Sure Dad, whatever... You could give me everything in the goddamn world to try and justify what you did but it'll never be enough.'

She'd wanted to forget him. Forget he _ever _existed to lie like that... Betray his own family.

Now though Leah was starting to wonder.

_"I'm gonna watch you shine;  
Gonna watch you grow.  
I'm gonna paint a sign;  
So you'll always know,  
As long as, one and one is two..._

_There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you."_

Leah remembered him saying that. Every time she got in trouble, every time she invoked her mother's unwilling wrath her father was there to clean her scraped knees. _**('What's one plus one Leah?' 'Ummmm... Three?' 'No baby, it's two.' He tweaked her little nose. 'I love you.')**_

_"Trust your intuition; It's just like goin' fishin'.  
You cast your line and, hope you get a bite.  
But you don't need to waste tea or time,  
Worryin' about the market place;  
Try to help the human race.  
Strugglin', to survive... It's harshest night."_

Fishing... He taught her how to fish. Leah was a good fisher, an excellent one. He taught her a lot of other things too... How to drive the Impala. She was only thirteen, a year before she was even involved with Sam. How to play that guitar... How to swim. He tossed her in, headfirst**... (**_**'Sometimes kiddo, things are gonna happen that you can't anticipate. You just gotta try not to expect the worse, take what comes at you head-on and try not to mind how cold the water is. In the end, you'll sink or float; But I know you'll swim.')**_

_"I'm gonna watch you shine;  
Gonna watch you grow.  
I'm gonna paint a sign;  
So you'll always know,  
As long as, one and one is two..._

_There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you."_

He made a mistake... Maybe he'd tried to protect her... Maybe he didn't want, what had happened to Emily to happen to her.

Leah looked down at the picture still held in her hand.

He loved her.

_"I'm gonna watch you shine;  
Gonna watch you grow.  
I'm gonna paint a sign;  
So you'll always know,  
As long as, one and one is two..._

_There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you."_

Leah looked out the living room window... Two paths. One lead to the beach, where her beloved father had taught her how to swim. The other turned up; Towards the mountains, and that special clearing where you could see the stars so bright at night and count them as they fell.

Then she looked at the stairs.

Suddenly they weren't so scary... Not with someone watching over her. One by one she took them; Came back down with her guitar, and left the house that was now completely her own again.

It was time to forgive.

Leah looked down at the sparkling black and blue instrument in her hand, plucked a string and knew for sure. Yes... It was time to forgive, but for her Daddy, she would never, ever forget.


	7. Me And You Belong

**MS: **Took me fuckin' long enough huh? :) It's so weird how it's harder to work with your own creation than someone else's. Hahaha I'm sorry guys... This chapter focuses more on the bloodbinding aspect of Sam and Leah's rekindled love. If it effects it in a big way, well... You'll have to decide for yourself. I'd like to thank my marvelous beta **StealthLiberal** for correcting my constant errors in this and, thanks to **82c10** for giving me the bloodbinding idea for a chapter. :) Thanks to both of you, this chapter wouldn't be possible without. :) I'm not sure how I really feel about the chapter; Okay, at best. Let me know what you think.

* * *

The night was still and quiet... Not too cold, not too hot... Just right.

But Sam couldn't sleep.

Well, since Leah was allowed to be brought home he hadn't slept much anyhow... Who'd want to when you were convinced another bout of bad luck was about to come and rip away the one you loved...?

He'd stood by and watched too many times now as just that happened.

Sam had let fate, then Jacob Black's renegade ways, and lastly the cruel intentions of an enemy, rip Leah away from him. Leah, who he'd always sworn to protect. To look after, to cherish... Christ, sometimes in the dark when he perused through his memories like this he felt like fetching that trusty old shotgun of his all over again.

Why couldn't he of changed things sooner...? Sam's head turned towards her sleeping form beside him. So still... Always so still and quiet like the air around them when she slept now. His twenty-twenty vision could faintly make out the jagged, dark edges of the scar on the back of her left shoulder.

That should've never happened.

Sam swallowed roughly and sat up slowly in the dark room. Nights like tonight, yes... He did not sleep. Leah was so strong... She was fighting to overcome all this, to forget all the terrible trauma she'd suffered and move on to begin a happy life anew with him. With them.

With the people who'd practically helped kill her.

Sam clenched the bedsheets in his hands. They'd had to be changed... The mattress too. He didn't want Leah to come home with him, and have to spend the night on the soiled, foul-smelling bed that he'd shared with her cousin. His old, first and true love didn't deserve such despicable behavior and he was going to make damn sure she never had to endure it again. God... Leah was strong; And he was so weak.

The nights he'd spent in that old bed with Emily were... Good nights. Yes, she was his imprint, she instantly made him happy... She was the wolf's emotional valium. But at the same time... Swear to god he'd tossed and turned some nights, calling out a different name in his slumber. Emily had told him so... She'd told him about it so many times and the imprint always had him saying he was so goddamn sorry that he'd put his lovely Emily through that.

Then at night he went to bed and did it again.

_Leah._

She was always there... In the background of his mind so, why couldn't he of just fucking left...? Emily wasn't the one but he was too stupid to have seen it. Maybe the imprint didn't _allow _him to see it, but above all he was guilty for letting Leah's ill treatment go on for so long.

Sometimes (the back of his neck began to sweat), he wondered... Just what would have happened if Leah had been the one to imprint and leave _him...?_

His hands slackened for only a moment, enough for the light bedspread to slip from his grasp before they balled into fists all over again.

...He felt the thin line, the raised ridge of scar tissue running from the pad of his pointer finger all the way to the lower side of his hand.

Unclenching his palm, Sam raised an eyebrow in the dingy room and looked down at his flesh through the darkness, question left unanswered in his mindset. His blood-binding scar... It was almost like he'd forgotten he'd had it, for awhile. He ran the fingertips of his opposite hand over the marking once more before pursing his lips. Turning his head back to the silently sleeping Leah, his eyes focused on her own closed hand, taut around some bedclothes as she slept on. He could visualize the upraised line slicing down the middle of her hand as well, the mixing of their blood that supposedly joined them together again.

Sam remembered the light it posed in their dim world when Carlisle explained to him in that cave just what blood-binding was and what it was supposed to do. He was a little shocked at first, yeah, but that only lasted about three seconds... Then Sam pictured himself launching into the repertoire of 'Do it! Do it! _Do it!'_... Anything to keep LeeLee alive. He gave everything up, put so much faith riding on that one thing that he might've sounded every bit the delirious lunatic he seemed in his memories.

Carlisle wouldn't... He mentioned sacrifices and then Paul was brazen enough to put forward the stupid idea that he'd actually _not _do it because of Emily.

_"What price?" Sam questioned. "What could honestly be more important than Leah's-"_

_"Your life with Emily!" All heads turned to Paul; an unsound presence in the room of the cave they stayed in and it made Sam nervous for some reason; Made him angry._

_"I already.. Made it clear." Sam seethed; Heat and rage so poignant radiating from his temperate body that it warmed the room itself, "I am done with Emily."_

_"How can you be so sure Sam? I remember you were pretty sure you and Leah were gonna spend forever together-"_

_Paul stepped back as Sam let out a growl more animal that human._

Sam was positive the imprint had already been broken before the blood-binding ritual had even been brought up... He was sure of it. There was _no _doubt in his mind in that cavern when the choice came between his future with Emily and Leah's life. It just... Didn't compare. It hadn't compared when Leah went missing, it hadn't compared when Emily thought she was pregnant, and it hadn't compared when Sam had the opportunity to go back to his imprint once Leah was home safe.

Leah was the one... Always.

He just,... Forgot for awhile.

Shaking his head, cursing himself to hell just once more in his mind he ran a hand through his shaggy hair. Leah told him once he thought too much... She was probably right. Sam had spent countless hours remembering the cries, remembering the dank, horrible feeling of insanity and loss circling him and his pack in the cave as they fought to hold onto their pack sister like the rain fought to hold onto the sky.

It was like no emotion could penetrate their steel hearts, break through the freezing ice and snow outside. Even Jasper's chill-pill initiative powers were at an offensive standstill.

It was like... No hope.

The end that they feared was dawning on them more and more each passing second and they felt powerless to stop it.

But now the entire world was laid out before them and Sam felt like they could do _anything._

So... Why?

Looking down at the scar on his palm, only now did he wonder just what difference had the ritual made over their lives. Had the blood-binding been what saved her...? Was Leah dead in the cave, in his arms only to be rejuvenated by the flow of his blood instead of her own strength?

Sam honestly felt a little guilty for not thinking it over until now... It was so much to muse about.

Because he had _felt _things change in the cave. He'd felt something like a shift, a sharing of power even if only for a minute second. Amidst the sting, the burning sensation of the cut he'd felt emotions and something he couldn't describe stirring between them; Some sort of listless magic he would've never believed in until then. Looking down at her, like someone had taken the make-up his LeeLee never had to wear and powdered her pale cheeks, she gained back her color.

He could remember not believeing it... And then she said his name.

_"Sam."_

After that... Well, there was hope.

And now, sitting home in bed with her, in the face of her pending recovery and their life together he pondered everything that magic had given to them. Carlisle had asked him about it once, actually... He'd used the word 'Mates'. 'Mated couples'.

(Yes, he knew they were wolves... But at the time even that seemed a little far-fetched. ...Now, not so much.)

The blonde leech doctor had asked Sam if he felt any difference in the way he felt about Leah, or if she'd mentioned anything about the way she felt about him. It had taken Sam an overnight, like this one, to really be able to answer the doc's question.

But when he began, he found he couldn't stop.

Sam leant down and kissed Leah's sleeping cheek. He drew her scent into his lungs, something like the ocean and the citrus of fruit that he knew and loved so much. ...The smell that was now ingrained into his brain, like a brand on his very lobe that he would never forget. He told Carlisle that... That her smell seemed to mean more to him now. That he could pick it out _anywhere, _from anyone. He loved it.

(Then he'd thought, he loved Emily's homely smell of flowered perfume too.)

The next thing Sam mentioned was the blood itself. In the various surgeries Leah had undergone at the Cullens', Sam had smelled the red liquid frequently. Not that he'd ever really ignore it, since the tragedy but... Now the smell was new. Now it meant _Leah,_ not just pain... Not just suffering and death. Yes, he supposed it could still mean all those things but... It was Leah; Raw, unaffected and untainted. The smell had changed. No longer did Sam detect copper like the normal, rusty scent blood entitled. He smelled her blood, smelled the same sea breeze and the same fruity aroma and his mind connected _Leah _and possible _Hurt_ in a milisecond.

It also welded _Mine_ into the mixture.

His to love. His to take care of. His forever.

Once again, he would know it anywhere... Be able to pick it out of a slaughterhouse if need be. Carlisle said, her blood smelled no different to him. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Bella and the other leeches had said the same.

_"She still smells like wet, injured dog to me boy." _The blonde girl told him. See... It wasn't _like that_ to him anymore... It just meant Leah and everything else.

Just her, something sweet he could smell that denoted her.

(Sam recalled once, smelling Emily's blood after she sliced a finger open chopping carrots. It smelled foul, metallic and irony. He didn't like it.)

If Sam wasn't so mindfucked he might've thought liking the smell of his girlfriend's blood was a little disturbing and way too Edward-The-Bloodsucker for him; But he had no desire to see it, to smell it and definitely not drink it. Just... He knew what it was as soon as it entered his nostrils, seared into his brain. Into his heart.

Had he always known he was meant to be with Leah, love her forever? When he met Emily, no.

After he'd felt her life slipping away in his arms? Yes.

_Before_ he'd mixed their blood, 'mated' them for life? Yes.

All of that was what posed the major question in Sam's head.

Had the blood-binding ritual _really_ changed aspects of their feelings for another... Or were these things he had come to feel naturally, rightly?

_Head, down.  
As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground.  
Eyes shut... I find myself in love racing the earth._

_And I'm soaked in your love.  
And love was right in my path, in my grasp,  
and me, and you; Belong._

With the imprint... Loving Emily was easy. It was right.

Loving Leah had been hard and trying but when it was good... God, now that he was allowed to remember it it was _amazing. _The best feeling in the world, seeing her smile; Feeling her heartbeat thrum beneath his fingertips and her lips against his own.

Seeing Emily... It was just... Seeing her. Knowing what he felt for her and never having to worry about her leaving him. Never having to worry about impressing her or saying the wrong thing because nothing about Emily could ever feel wrong. It was freeing...; So he thought.

Now it just seemed depressing.

Sam looked up at the ceiling, palm closing once more. The house was absolutely quiet... No wonder he was thinking so much.

Sam had felt a _pull_, a celestial law telling him to provide and make Emily happy. That omniscient presence made him feel fulfilled when he did so... It was his purpose. To serve this force, to be what Emily needed.

To Leah... He felt no pull.

_I wanna run, run... Smash into you.  
I wanna run, run... Smash into you._

_Ears, closed.  
What I hear no one else has to know.  
'Cause I know, that what we have is worth; First place and gold...!  
And I'm, soaked in your love.  
And love is right in my path, in my grasp and me;  
And you belong, oh._

It was different... Beautifully, freeingly different.

For the first time in years Sam felt no obligation to care for Leah. He felt no _pressure_ to be around her. It was... Not natural. But at the same time... Naturally, lovingly what he wanted. He _wanted_ to be there for her. He _wanted_ to kiss her and tell her he loved her.

When he used to imagine Emily leaving he thought he would die... But at the same time he knew she never would. Now, if Leah left him he would die too. ...But he would never be so sure that Leah wouldn't. Parts of him would dry up and blow away, and make life... Not meaningless; Just... Completely, utterly unwanted.

Leah shifted in bed beside him, and before Sam turned to look he felt two warm arms wrap around his broad shoulders. Her hot cheek pressed to the skin by his ear.

"You okay?"

"Yeah... Just... Thinking, that's all."

"Yeah...? About what?"

"Us. ...What it means for me to finally be able to love you."

"It means..." Leah was silent for a moment, her fingertips traced over his heated skin at his collarbone and Sam held that hand in his; Kept her in place, wanting her close. "...It doesn't have to mean anything. It's love... There's no title... No definition."

_I wanna run; Run.  
Smash into you.  
I wanna run; Run.  
Smash into you, smash into you...!_

'It's not like imprinting...' Sam gently squeezed her hand. 'I can feel thankful... I can miss things, I can get angry and I can live life for me, instead of her. ...Even if I don't want to.'

And that was true. In the short three months of Leah being free from the Cullens' makeshift hospital Sam had spent a small amount of time basking in the fact that for once, he was able to raise his voice. He was able to get mean; Get loud, get angry.

With Emily... He never could.

Sometimes, in the hospital, when Leah tried to sing a soft melody her voice kept cracking. She messed up her songs, and, she got so, so mad. But Sam just liked seeing her try. When she told him one day that, she'd had it... Well, he didn't take that well because he'd spent years without knowing about her beautiful voice and just because the stress of being confined to a hospital bed was straining her vocal chords a bit, she wanted to cross her arms, stomp her feet and give up on her beautiful gift...?

Samuel Uley got pissed.

Tilting his jaw up with pursed lips, Sam smiled softly as he remembered cursing at her and telling her to smarten the fuck up, because she had a beautiful voice and he just liked to see her smile. Sure, he might've startled her a bit but then... Then her blue eyes softened, and she kinda... Grinned? Was that the word for it...? God, Leah looked satisfied.

_'What are you smiling at...? It's not funny Leah!'_

_'I didn't think I'd ever be so happy to hear you mad at me...'_ He'd stood there in dumb silence then, for at least a minute or so.

Sam turned his head, touching his lips to the corner of her mouth so she'd kiss him. ...Love. The kiss didn't mean anything more than it had back when they were together years ago. It meant love... Just love and happiness.

It was real.

With Emily, he'd _always_ felt like outside of patrol, he _had_ to be glued to her side because... Well, to be _not,_ it was like someone put a shock collar on him and if he got too far away, he got buzzed. But even now, Leah's arms locked around him and his hand in her's he knew it was almost similar. He wanted to touch her too, always, never be away from her. So when he planned a barbeque with the guys, or Leah planned something on her own... He was amazed when he could let her go without being punished for it.

_Head... Down.  
As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground.  
Eyes shut... I'm in love and I'm racing the earth._

_And I'm soaked in your love.  
And love is right in my path in my grasp and me! And you, belong._

"...I was thinking about the blood-binding, I did on us in the cave. Do you remember...?"

"A little... I opened my eyes for the first time in a long time, I think... You were there. I could smell a bit of blood but all I wanted to really focus on was you."

"That was all I wanted, too... Do you think it really made a difference? In us, in how we are now? Do you think that was what saved you?" He kept his voice quiet... He was always quiet and Leah smiled, kissing the tender skin of his neck.

"I like to think it didn't."

"Why?"

"Because... I know I love you. I know I need you... But I know that... That it could change, someday. I'm not saying I want it to... I'm saying it could. And, you need that."

_And I wanna run! Smash into you.  
I'm willin' to run... Smash into you._

_I'm willing to run, and run, and run, and run, and... Oh.  
I'm willing to run, and run, and run, and run, and... Oh._

"Now come on... Let's go back to sleep." She kissed him again... Her lips lingering, her sweet breath on his tongue before she laid herself back down. He let his eyes stay on her slender form as it snuggled back beneath the covers for a moment, before joining her. Sam kissed her jaw, running his nose up the soft skin of her cheek and locked his arm around her waist.

Yes... He needed that. Even if he didn't want it. Things never had to end... Only if they wanted them to. They didn't need to know about this fucked up blood-binding... If they did, they'd just... Learn everything that changed along the way, day by day.

_I wanna run; Run... Smash into you.  
I'm willing to run... Run.  
Smash into you._

Besides... After all his experience with magical bonds, he thought it well enough to leave this one behind in the wreckage.

Love wasn't magic.

Maybe just the closest thing.


	8. Her Destiny

**AN: **Hello my lovelies :) I know it took me forever to update; I was waiting for at least 20 reviews. As cocky as it makes me sound, I like to know my work is appreciated and that people are enjoyign themselves. As soon as I hit 20 reviews for a chapter, I get the update urge :) So keep that in mind my packsistahs ;)

As for this chapter, well... I can't really explain where the idea came from. Oh wait, yes I can; ABBA. Okay so not entirely; I also wanted to showcase Leah's thoughts about the past. I got a few PMs wishing to see more of Leah's life and her emotions as she dealt with being in the packmind daily, and getting negative feedback from her brothers, mother and cousin. And so this chapter came to be... However sad or however melancholy it is. It can't be easy, living with yourself when you've been through so much and I hope this installment of ATS will let you all get a closer look inside Leah's heart.

Read on and let me know your deep thoughts. (And don't forget to review! ;) )

* * *

The wind was subtle in it's way as it moved Leah's long, billowing locks. The black strands stroked across the back of the rock like a tender caress, moved by the breeze like the ocean view before her seemed to move Leah's emotions.

_'She's still so angry over everything... It's time to move on. She just doesn't get it.'  
'I never thought she could turn into such a bitch.'  
'I don't know why she does this to herself... It's like she loves being miserable.'  
'She should be happy for Sam and her cousin; Aren't they best friends?'  
'No wonder Sam didn't want her. I wouldn't wanna be with someone like that either.'  
'She's just a bitter harpy... Maybe one day she'll grow up.'_

Did they, somehow, believe she just didn't hear it...? Didn't see it...?

Is that what they wanted to believe...?

Did they think hearing all those awful things would make her want to change...? Because, they did.

But she couldn't.

No matter how hard she tried.

Loving Sam... It didn't stop.  
Missing her father... She would always feel guilty but angry at the same time.  
Hating her mother... She would never be Emily.

Leah wasn't stupid... She wasn't blind. She wasn't deaf.

She was _there; _Forced to be, every second of every day as they made their resentment for her known. Walking down the street... The other girls her age whispered about her. Mean things... Cruel things. Wondering if maybe it was the way Leah dressed that made Sam Uley dump her on her ass...; Maybe the way she was controlling, or maybe she was a bad lay. Perhaps she'd cheated on him.

Sometimes, on the rare night when everyone else was so happy Leah'd heard some words whispered in sympathy. Her mother had taken over on the council since her father's sudden heart attack... So Leah was forced to go to all the tribal bonfires; Not just the pack ones. To attend all the tribal functions... God forbid she have plans.

Their stares followed her... Regardless of where she walked. Leah knew the questions her old friends whispered to her mother; The taunting advice nameless individuals always felt the need to share.

'_Just leave... You're so beautiful. You don't need this.'_

But that was just it... No one understood. No one ever would... They couldn't. No one would ever know what it felt like to be trapped inside your own personal hell. Inside the place where nights dragged on for hours, daytime only brought despair and how Leah could be the only one alone in a crowded room.

Because that was _her_, now. It had to be... She had no other choice.

They told her that.

_'Leah it's time to stop living in the past... We know you have been hurt. We know this is difficult. But you must move on. You have been chosen to be a protector; And even though the reason is not clear, it has been done and things have changed. Your father was an honored member of this tribe, just as Sam is and he has made his choice. Once you've been inducted into the pack, you cannot leave it. Please try to understand... Try to accept what has happened, and maybe things will get better.'_

As Leah's fingertips gently thrummed against the wind-worn rock of first beach, Leah'd wondered if Billy Black had spun the same advice to his son when Jacob had learned that Bella'd gotten engaged. She remembered that day clearly... Jake's suicidal recklessness in that newborn battle that caused him to launch himself at the vampire who'd had her in it's clutches. The way she'd been worried about her brother as he fought the blonde leech in league with the redhead. And then the pain-filled eyes, the grief-stricken faces of her pack brothers as they listened to Jacob scream.

The way Billy held her cousin's hand as he listened to his son ache and cry and looked at her with hatred, for a moment... Emily'd squeezed his hand. Even the tone of Sam and Paul's voices still echoed in her ear.

'_Leah that's enough!'  
'Give it a rest Leah.'_

She was... She was always the bad one. The careless one. The rude one, the disorganized one, the irresponsible one, the mean one... She was the unwanted.

Leah had to _accept_ that...

She'd been making progress, too.

'_It seems like she might be getting a little better, since she joined Jacob's pack...'  
'Yeah, for all of about a day. Then Jake imprinted; Now she's bitchier than ever.'  
'I know she's not the nicest Paul... But try to be a little better to her... I mean, I don't know what I'd do if you left me for someone who I thought was my best friend.'  
'But Emily's apologized to her so friggen much Rach and it wasn't her damn fault anyway! Not Sam's either! Leah just wants to be a fucking pain in the ass... I wish Sam and Jake could just kick her out of the pack already.'_

She'd overheard that conversation between Rachel and Paul... Both former friends of her's. Both people she'd confided in, laughed with, played with... People she'd thought would stand by her side forever.

Leah raised her hand from the cold rock and wiped at the wetness on her cheeks.

She'd lost _everything...!_ And _everyone...!_

'_Leah PLEASE! Just let me talk to you! I still love you, I just, I can't-'_

_'You can't WHAT? GET AWAY FROM ME SAM...!'_

'_LeeLee... I'm so sorry. I am... Please believe me..!'_

_'I can't...' She scoffed, 'You love her, Sam...? You love her more than me...?'_

_'I... I... I'm sorry, LeeLee.'_

Their voices... Their faces... Tears began to fall from Leah's eyes faster as she stared out at the wide open sea. She would remember all this for the rest of her life... The rest of her life that she didn't want to live. She looked down into the cold, deep, nothingness that used to shine so bright for her.

Drowning had never seemed like a better idea.

Every night... Every single night.

_'Please, Sam... You can't just.. You can't throw everything away...!'  
'I'm sorry, Leah... I don't know what else to say. I love her... I'm sorry.'_

She'd begged. She'd pleaded. Fuck... She'd promised Sam things that even in her wildest dreams she'd never be able to give him.

Every night... Every single night, she spent alone and crying. Instead of getting better, it just... It seemed like the darkness that was her shadow grew. Until she was being sucked into the wide, gaping mouth of the monster who threatened to tear her soul limb from limb and re-invent it into someone completely different.

The new _Leah._

_She just wanted him. She needed Sam. Her own arms wrapped around herself were small and cold, lonely. Her recently, made-to-be-cut hair was unkemt and just the sight of the short, greasy strands were enough to make her wail. Her own fingernails dug into her skin and they drew blood. Sam had always loved her hair... Yet he'd been the one who told her it had to be cut. The love of her life handed her the scissors and ordered her to sever one of her last indulgences even as she begged him not to. She'd wondered if Sam had seen the pain in her eyes that day... She didn't cry, though... Not until she got home. Then she cried and screamed and threw the glass picture frame of her and her father straight into her mirror._

_After that, she cried some more._

Things like that, only her brother knew. Maybe her mom too, but hey... They were on-board with the 'Make Leah Re-Invent Herself' train. Day after day, her own brother, the boy she'd nursed when sick, held when he cried, sang to sleep... Told her that things weren't going to change, so that she had to.

Or she was going to be miserable forever.

Leah crossed her legs where she sat, and thought about the long, grueling battle. (Matched by La Push pack vs. the Cree pack ultimate smackdown? Not quite; But still pretty bad.)

The long, grueling battle that she'd lost.

There was no bloodshed; There was no death, or destruction outside of her own personal little bubble. It was the battle that only she fought, with no companions by her side. They say going down Niagra Falls in a steel boat is a challenge; Try swimming up Niagra Falls in a wooden barrel. Because that was what it felt like.

_Her alarm began to sound. _

_Leah cursed, and wiped the sleep from her barely-open eyes. Five AM already...? It seemed like she'd barely slept. Heaving her aching legs over the side of her bed, Leah yawned and dragged her feet over to her full-bodied mirror. Ignored the glint of her Heart of the Ocean necklace, a gift from he who should not be named hanging from the corner of her bureau._

_Looking back at her, stood a figure she had never known until recently. A person so frightening, so foreshadowing that it seemed to be a figment of her nightmares. But no; This thin, short-haired, dark-eyed girl was no nightmarish creature. (Well... Sort of.)_

_But it was the Leah she was expected to be now... In bits and pieces. _

_Leah swallowed the sandpaper morning taste in her mouth, and with the strain of a thousand muscles she pulled the corners of her lips upwards into a smile. This was what they wanted. What they asked of her._

_For the hundredth time in not so many days, Leah felt like a failure, as her ever-present scowl overtook the frail picture of what used to be._

It was the constant, unwinnable battle to change who she was, what she loved, _who _she loved, to become this person who could enjoy life without what she took the barest pleasure in before.

The person who had no time for swimming.  
The person who felt comfortable ugly, naked and dirty.  
The person who felt no desire to ever be rude or snarky.  
The person who could forgive above all else.  
The person who could no longer love Sam Uley.

And everyday, Leah failed.

Sure, she tried so hard sometimes it seemed like maybe yes; She was breaking some ground, things were going to get better. Like joining Jacob's pack... Yes, things had been better. The sun shone a little more, Embry, Quil and Jake weren't so annoying, the leeches didn't smell as bad... It was liveable.

Withstandable... Not having to see him everyday.

Not seeing him kiss her, stroke her skin in ways he'd promised her to never touch another woman, or see him look at her like... No, _not _like he looked at herself; To see Sam look at Emily like, she was everything and more.

The kind, brown eyes that had once belonged to her and her alone.

But that could never last. It didn't.

The packs rejoined, and just like that the silvery-grey wolf was the outcast again. The bad one, the unwanted. The lesser of two women who had fought a war over a man's heart.

Leah Clearwater had been a loser. A loser to Sam, a loser to her mother, her brother... Fuck, she was a loser to fate.

Everyone knew it, they told her... God she hated it because it wasn't like she needed more reminding. It was enough, to dive into the water and want to drown. It was enough, to wake up in the morning and hate the face in the mirror that stared back at her. Enough to get your friend hurt, to say the meanest things imaginable just because you want those people to feel a _fraction_, of the horrible, unending heartache life dealt you...!

But it was never enough to them.

_'Come on guys, she's not that bad...' He had to pick up for the sister who was not around to do it herself. He was a worthless brother if he didn't. (If he didn't want to.)_

_'Yes, Seth; She is.' Paul always shot the first bullet._

_'Oh, like Emily's that great...'_

_'Leave my fiancee' out of this discussion.' The man who'd hurt Leah so much, so ready to throw her to the wolves to protect the woman he'd hurt her for._

_'No, you know what? Let's _not _leave Emily out of this crappy "discussion" for once!' The sandy wolf snarled a little; His lips pulling back over his teeth to show his seriousness about the subject. 'Tell me; You tell me right now what's so different between Leah and Emily, what makes Emily __**so much better**__.'_

_'Emily doesn't give me a fuckin' headache after I'm around her for five friggen minutes!' _

_'Paul shut the hell up, Leah doesn't even _talk _unless she's spoken to a lot of the time!' Paul scoffed. _

_'Yeah, and then when she does...' Seth growled._

_'Leah doesn't have to hate everything and everyone in her life just because she had a bad go of it. Emily's all... All...' Jared stalled his thoughts; But everyone knew he was trying to reword his sentence into talking about Sam's fiancee''s scars without incuring his alpha's wrath. 'Emily's has bad luck too, alright...? She doesn't blame it on everybody else.'_

_'But Leah's had bad luck _because_ of everybody else!' Seth retorted._

_'Leah can't cook...?' _

'_Just screw off Jared.'_

_'Seth, that's enough, we need to get back to work-'_

_'Oh come on Sam, christ!' The youngest Clearwater growled again, the stark black wolf before him whining in annoyance. 'Anybody else got some stupid meaningless thing to say?'_

_'Emily doesn't make fun of my dad situation.'_

_Seth looked at Embry, and, he whimpered. He was right... Sometimes, Leah had valid reason to be mean but other times... God, other times she was just the devil. Cruel, heartless... Sometimes she made herself out to be the horrible person Seth knew she wasn't on the inside._

_'That's enough, all of you. Get back on patrol.'_

_'I think it was a good talk Sam, we-'_

_'I said _enough, _Jacob! Back to patrol!'_

Sam's loud, timberous voice had held the command that Leah only just caught the tail-end of that day when she phased in silently, mindlessly... Heard the conversation her pack probably still didn't know to this day, that she knew about.

**I don't wanna talk.  
About the things we've gone through...  
Though it's hurting me;  
Now, it's history.  
I've played all my cards..  
And that's what you've done too.  
Nothing more to say...  
No more ace to play.**

Leah swallowed roughly. She was crying again... It's true what they say.

You can plan a better future, but no one can erase the past.

Leah knew she would always love the beautiful, passionate love that shone and shines for her in Sam's eyes now, but at the same time, she couldn't forget the pathetic, sympathy-laden looks he would send her across the room when he caught her eye... When one of the boys said something particularly mean, or when he kissed his darling Emily.

Yes, always he looked and always he apologized... Always Leah knew he could never change what had happened and she hated him, hated Emily, and hated herself a little more everyday for holding on to this damaging, self-mutilating love.

The love she had lost. And, yeah, Sam had told her that it wasn't her fault... That he still loved her, but he couldn't be with her. It was just the pull; The destiny, the fate of it all. He couldn't help it.

That hurt, so much more than knowing Emily was just everything she wasn't.

**The winner takes it all!  
The loser's standing small.  
Beside the victory that's,  
her destiny.**

**I was in your arms; Thinking I belonged there.  
I figured it made sense... Building me a fence.  
Building me a home.  
Thinkin' I'd be strong there.  
But I was a fool.  
Playing by the rules.**

Leah looked over the edge of the rock, down at the dark, deep waters again. You know that day she'd heard that conversation in the pack-mind, she went to the beach, and she sat right there, on the same rock and she thought about it all. In the same position... Blue eyes tilted downward, eyeing the crashing waves as they swallowed eachother, cleansed eachother with tears in her eyes and she found out that they were right.

Emily was better than her... Emily was everything, Leah Clearwater could never be.

**The gods may throw a dice;  
Their minds, as cold as ice.  
And someone way down here, loses someone dear.**

**The winner takes it all;  
The loser, has to fall.  
It's simple, in it's place.  
Why should I complain...?**

Emily Young, Leah Clearwater's cousin from Makah was two years older than her, more reliable, more responsible and was anxiously awaiting the day she could settle down with a large family, a sweet husband and have her closest friends beside her for life. Emily, with her rosey cheeks, and her thin, perfect lips and the straight-arrow nose and the deep brown eyes that had such pretty flecks of green.

Emily'd never had to worry about weight a day in her life... When she woke up in the morning, her straight-laid hair was still straight and those black strands never ever got greasy.

Emily could bake the perfect pie, make the most amazing muffins in the world without so much as batting an eyelash and she could impress with any other kind of food too; Be it turkey or bread. She could fold laundry into neat piles; And she was happy to do it too, because she was just _that_ nice...

Emily Young held Billy Black's hand when her reckless cousin got his son nearly killed, scolded Leah when she'd made a comment about Embry's parentage because it was insulting and was _never_ okay with baring so much skin with an outfit because she was sure it made pretty girls like herself and her best friend look trashy. And before that, Emily Young had figured her sweet, sincere cousin would forgive her for sleeping with her fiance' because, well... That's what sisters do; And it was _love_. Which was more important than anything Sam and Leah could've ever had anyway.

Leah had to wonder just why, she had to be up against someone like her. Someone who she could not beat... And sometimes Leah wondered if imprinting didn't exist, would Sam have... Fallen for her cousin anyway...?

Would her friends, Jacob, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil and her own brother still think that Emily was a better person, a healthier choice than the girl they grew up with, played tag with them on the playground, pushed them down the slide, teased them and helped them with homework...? The little girl who followed all the big boys around.

Leah didn't know. But _god, _she hoped not.

She'd actually had a self-esteem before Sam left her... Before she turned into a hairy, drooling, monstrous mongrel who killed her own father. Maybe she'd wanted to believe Sam was always worse off without her.

'His loss', and all those encouraging words right?

Because Leah was thin; Leah had plump, soft lips and dusky, rare blue eyes and she looked so pretty when her hair was long and 'no one in the world can rock a bikini not Leah Clearwater'. Leah couldn't fold laundry, not that well, no... And she could learn how to cook great! Fuck, she _did _learn how to cook and she thought guys were into the messy, tousled bedhead look the morning after a good night.

**But tell me, does she kiss;  
Like I used to kiss you.  
Does it feel the same,  
when she calls your name...?  
Somewhere deep inside, you must know  
I miss you.  
But what can I say...?  
Rules must be obeyed.**

But maybe... Maybe she was never enough.

And just maybe... Emily was always the right one. If it had been Emily, who had lost her fiance', the man she'd pledged to love forever and ever, the perfect guy who'd promised the same to her... Maybe Emily would _still _forgive Leah for taking him from her. Putting her cousin through so much pain.

And that was what set them apart...?

Leah's heart ached in her chest; The scar on her shoulder burned. Sitting there again, remembering all of those thoughts kept making her feel like maybe... Maybe she should be thinking them again. Maybe she should've forgiven Emily, like she'd forgiven Sam.

Even though Leah didn't want to. (But that was why Emily was a better person, wasn't it?)

**The judges will decide;  
The likes of me provide.  
Spectators of the show, always stayin' low.  
The game is on again;  
A lover, or a friend.  
A big thing, or a small;  
The winner takes it all.**

**I don't wanna talk...  
If it makes you feel bad...  
And I understand...  
You've come, to shake my hand.**

**I apologize... If, it makes you feel bad...  
Seeing me so tense...  
No, self-confidence...  
But you see,**

**The winner takes it all.  
The winner, takes it all.**

Leah took a deep breath, and crawled backward from the sloping edge of the rock and the dark waters below and stood up.

In the end she had won.

Or well, it felt like it... Emily was now alone. Why did Leah still feel so guilty, but righteous, at the same time...?

She didn't know.

Maybe that was the key; Not, knowing.

All she did know, was that Sam would just be getting off of patrol and he looked really nice without a shirt on, all sweaty... It would be a good time to go home.

She didn't know if she should've left those troubling thoughts behind or not; But sure enough, when she walked through the door and came face to face with nearly seven feet of tall, dark and handsome, it was enough.

Even if only temporarily.


	9. In The End

**MS: **Hello my lovelies, here is the fast update you were promised :) I know I know; Not _as _fast as I sorta made it out to be, but I've been balls-to-the-wallz excited over the last few days. Thursday coming, I leave on a school trip to Europe! :) Paris, Amsterdam, London and Brussels! How kickass is that? Yeah, I know; Pretty kickass. But anyways, just wanted to give everyone a heads up because the trip's 10 days long and that means I can't update for awhile until after I get back. But the good news is that after this chapter, there's a sibling-themed one and then an Embry-themed chapter; Then it's Leah vs. Emily ;) Yeahyeah; Be pumped.

Otherwise folks, I'll let you get to your reading :) I'd like to thank my marvelous friend StealthLiberal (go read her fuckin' story, it's sickkkkk) for being my beta sort-of and offering precious insight for this chapter and hopefully many chapters to come. :) Now read on, and enjoy the pack's wistfulness.

* * *

Jared paused; His brown tail stopped swinging with his gait, his snout lifted skyward as he watched the towering cliffs pass by him as he walked... The cliffs he'd grown up with, the cliffs he and his friends had dived from as a bunch of crazy kids growing up in La Push.

The rest of the pack froze.

**'****"GET BACK, THE FALL WILL KILL 'EM BOTH!"  
"NO!"**

...

_'Jared... What are you doin' man?' _Paul turned his grey head, flattening his ears a bit.

That memory was too vivid... The rain, the snow and the wind and the crash of the rocks... The crash of the rocks that buried their pack sister beneath them like an avalanche, a cage to forever, threatening to take her away from them for good.

_'Sorry... I couldn't help it.'_

They were memories no one had ever wanted to relive again. Jake breathed a heavy sigh of relief that Leah and Sam weren't with the pack on patrol, the sound coming out a wet wheeze. At the head of the pack, he flicked his tail irritably.

_'I think it's time for a break...'_

The pack fell in around Jacob, making for their usual meadow that they spent the majority of their time in. There was usually always someone on patrol, yes, but on days where the group of wolves wanted to just relax or take a load-off they liked to pool together in their phasing meadow.

It was a lovely place, bordered on one side by the small stretch of forest that lead to the beach (and the cliffs...), near to Sam's house and Jacob's. The rest of the meadow was surrounded by thick, luscious, tall groves of trees and shelter that kept it cool in the summer, warm in the winter and the grass was soft and there were plenty of places large wolves such as themselves could lie out and enjoy the sparse sunlight. Jared waded over to his favorite spot, under a hollowed trunk with a grand view of the rest of the clearing. There he flopped down onto his side, woodsy tail striking away the dense underbrush of the forest.

_'I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to look at the cliffs again and not see that.'_

_'Did you really ever expect it to be easy?'_ Embry sat beside him, his silver-hued paws raking at the ground as his own tail ceased it's wagging.

_'No... But I was hoping it wasn't gonna be this hard.'_

Paul, Jake and Quil couldn't help the way their ears drooped, like a plant's leaves in need of water. Being reminded of those horrible days spent rotting in the cave, facing certain death on the battlefield and seeing Leah in so much pain were like cold slaps in the face each time the past was dredged up from their heads. Like being slapped in the face with cold water, really... Like the spray of the rain when they watched her jump-

_'Goddammit Jared, now I can't get it outta my friggen head either.'_ Paul rumbled in his chest in irritation. Out of everyone (void of Sam and Leah of course), Paul probably hated to be reminded the worst. Since it was mostly _his _fault that Leah took off anyhow... He just wanted to leave what he'd done in the behind and focus on the front; Leave what is done, done; And move forward.

But yeah; Seemed like a pipe dream so far.

_'...I really thought she was dead...'_

Five wolfish heads snapped to the right of them, where Seth sat... His furry head hung in sad uncertainty.

Fuck, they'd forgotten he was still there to listen.

_'Dammit... I'm sorry, man.' _Jared let a low whine of apology echo out of his bark-colored throat, but Seth only nodded his large head once. The sandy wolf moved to lie down then, front paws outstretched on the green knoll of the meadow.

_'It's okay, I guess... I know I won't ever get used to it. I even had nightmares, after we brought her back... I couldn't sleep for days.'_

Quil laid down on his chocolatey side as well. His fur was brown, as Jared's, but a few tones lighter in color; Helped him blend in well with the woods in the summer time. _'I know what you mean... I had some bad dreams too. Claire must've thought I was a friggen idiot.'_

_'I think you're a friggen idiot.' _

_'Not funny Paul.'_

The most volatile member of the pack shook out his coat with a mental sigh._ '...I thought she wasn't gonna make it either. What a fuckin' drop man... Must've been... Twenty, thirty feet?'_

_'Almost forty...'_ Seth whimpered out, burying his pale snout in between his paws. _'Like... I can't describe how lucky she was, just to be alive... Then those rocks that fell on her, and...' _The younger Clearwater sibling couldn't continue. Jake's heart broke a little in his chest. For Sam to suffer and see Leah like that, that was one thing... But no one had really taken into account how bad it had to be for Seth.

That was his _sister, _his family... He'd seen stuff at his age that no youngster should ever see; Ever.

It made his blood run a little cold. Moreso as Seth kept talking.

_'I was thinkin' you know, the whole time she was up there that maybe she was gonna fall... But when it happens, you still shit yourself and you can't believe it.'_

The reddish-brown alpha wolf looked skyward with his brown eyes.

_'We're really gonna talk about this?'_

Paul continued to pace the roundabout of the green meadow, ears intent on listening to each and every thought on the breeze that whistled through his head. Honestly, since driving his packsister to near suicide he'd become more open and attentive to his brothers' and sister's thoughts... Their feelings, and how he said what he wanted to say. He knew he'd always be a dick; There was just no changing that. He was a brutally honest person and volatile and argumentive at best. Without an 'Off' switch.

But jesus, he'd been trying.

_'Well... We don't talk about it alot.'_

Jake turned his head towards Paul.

_'No, we don't. I thought there was a reason for that.'_

_'Well, yeah... I mean we're not gonna bring that shit up in front of Leah... Christ, not even in front of Sam. But maybe we should... Talk about it..? Get some shit off our chests, yah know...'_

_'More apologizing, Paul?'_ Seth watched him, noticing how the younger Clearwater's own comment made his brother's fur bristle in the slightest... Made his trek alter in beat. Paul had apologized enough times and so many more... Only now did the pack really see that side of Paul that wanted to talk and be buddy-buddy.

That side of Paul that wasn't all mean words and snapping jaws.

Paul sat his furry ass down and swiped his tongue over his teeth. Talking about this, it would always leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

**It starts with  
one thing; I don't know why.  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try;  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
to explain in due time.**

_'No... Not unless you want another one.'_

_'No thanks.'_

_'Good. So how many years have we all known eachother?'_

Quil mentally hummed, brown tail wagging with interest.

_'It's gotta be... Hm. ...Wait, why do the number of years matter? We all grew up together, so all our lives pretty much.'_

Paul nodded his silver head once.

_'Exactly...'_

Quil huffed out a wet wheeze in confusion.

_'Exactly what? I don't get it.'_

Embry sighed mentally, his claws absent-mindedly raking at the foreground between his paws, upturning soil and rocks and grass.

_'I know what he's getting at. He means to say, that since we've all been hanging out for like, our entire lives,...'_

The pack's ears twitched and turned with careful attention as they listened to Embry explain the merit of Paul's question.

_'...Imagine how different it would be if Leah really died, and... We weren't this full pack anymore.'_

**All I know...  
Time is a valuable thing; Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings.  
Watch it count down to the end of the day,  
the clock ticks life away.**

**It's so unreal...**

Seth whimpered... Flattened himself to the ground as he veered his eyes away from his brothers. He didn't want to think about it... He couldn't. While Leah was still missing, before the pack was out there in the thick of it... Seth had thought so many times, what the world would mean to him if he'd lost his sister. What the family pictures in the hallway would resemble, how the packmind would feel... If he'd forget about her, like everyone else did... Because life had to go on.

With or without Leah. (His thoughts registered that state of La Push, where the world seemed to be without it's color.)

His own mother had made that clear to her more than once.

_"Leah, do you enjoy being this miserable? Is this really how you want to live out the rest of your life? Sam and Emily have made their choices and are happy with them, even if they don't involve you; Even if they weren't the right choices to make, they've been made. You need to accept that which you cannot change and move on, sweetheart because you know how seeing you so unhappy makes me feel... How it makes your brother feel. You need to smarten up. If not for yourself, then, for us."_

Thinking back on that now, (the pack watching Seth's thoughts unawares) he really could see why Leah had hated their mother... Sue left home days at a time to spend in Forks with Charlie, and Leah was always left in charge, looking after his bored ass. When they needed food, it was Leah who bought it out of her own money (or lack there-of). Their mother had sat down to the table in the Clearwater home with Emily the day their scarred cousin had come to beseech Leah into being a bridesmaid... It had been Sue who called Leah rude, and a bad friend when Leah had reacted quickly with a sharp 'Fuck You.'

Sue Clearwater had become self-obsessed, it seemed, the moment Harry died and Seth was so caught up in how awesome it was being a werewolf, that he'd barely had the time to set his mom straight or worry about how what she did made his sister feel.

Seth couldn't help but wonder, aloud to the pack,

_'Would Mom have realized how wrong she was, or regret anything, if Leah didn't ever come back...? If she died...?'_

**Didn't look out below.  
Watch your time go right out the window.  
Trying to hold on, you didn't even know.  
I wasted it all just to watch you go...**

**I kept everything inside and even though I tried,  
it all fell apart.  
What it meant to me  
will eventually, be a memory  
of a time when...**

_'Of course she would've...'_ Seth looked at Embry, the spotted wolf's eyes slowly blinking as he changed his gaze from the ruined ground by his paws to Seth's forest green eyes._ 'Everybody makes mistakes, Seth... Sue apologized to Leah, didn't she...? Leah told me she did...'_

_'Yeah... Leah said Mom even cried. Mom's working at it... I can tell.'_

_'Isn't that what we've gotta do now then...? Work at it?'_ Quil dropped down beside Seth. Wolves in the wild responded to touch and closeness more than howls or barks, so when a packmate was hurting, being close was an excellent way to show support.

_'Yeah, but I don't see how we can do more than we're already doing. We're here when she needs us, we don't bring up what we did, we give her time... That's all we can do, in the end I guess. Be there for her, accept the mistakes we made and hope she forgives us.' _

Jake's words were wise and true; At times like this it showed through his alpha blood, how good of a leader he was despite his age.

_'Leah does forgive you guys... You know that, right?' _Seth looked around again at his brothers. Some nodded... Some didn't.

Leah wasn't the only one who needed time to heal.

**I tried so hard; And got so far.  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.  
I had to fall, to lose it all...  
In the end, it doesn't even matter...**

**One thing; I don't know why.  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
to remind myself how I tried so hard...**

_'...I can't even remember what I was screaming, y'know, as she fell. I was, screaming something, but... I can't remember.'_ Jared's paw was idly scratching at some of the bark that had splintered off the trunk behind him, watching his claws strip the slab of more and more flesh. It reminded him vaguely of the hope he'd tried to keep in his heart...

Piece by piece, it had withered away.

First there were the days she was missing... It was sort of like one face disappearing from a portrait, photograph after photograph until all the evidence of that one person had gone from the world. Then came the announcement that she'd been shot... That she wasn't healing right. They were shapeshifters, yes; And they were strong. But the pack had found out that day that wolves were a far cry from invincible. After that, there was the rockslide that sealed the entrance to the cave... Hell if it wasn't for the sprite vampire he would've been crushed. Days were long in that cave... **tick tock. tick tock.**

Lastly, he'd charged onto the battlefield with his brothers in a last-ditch effort to save Leah and they'd failed, epically. In the end it was up to her. Maybe it was _always_, up to her.

Yeah... Hope made like shale rock those weeks ago.

_'I don't think I could remember what I said either... I'm not sure if I want to.'_ Embry's thoughts had lowered a decibel, as he too (like Jared had done earlier) replayed the horrid scene in his mind's eye like some sort of video recording, seen from a first-person angle.

Like it was some twisted thriller movie... Made to make your heart stop beating.

_'I wish I knew what I said... Just because. I'm sure if I knew, it would sound like I didn't say enough.'_

Once again Jake thought the words everyone had been too afraid to. The words that meant, that Leah had yet more reasons to not forgive them. For things to never go back to the way they were before...

Before they phased.  
Before they became monsters.  
Before this responsibility.  
Before they'd imprinted.

Before she'd been nearly killed, right under their noses and so close to their hearts...

_''Said enough'? To me, we still-...'_ Paul growled softly to himself; His grey bushy tail flicking irritably from side to side like he'd been flea-bitten and grumpy about it for days. _'...To me, we still haven't done enough.'_

_''Still haven't done enough'? Paul man, I wish I could go back and take back all the crap I said to her too but there's really nothin' else we can do for the girl... Be here when she needs us, like Jake said and just stop being dicks...' _Quil's light brown fur began to gleam in the sparse light through the trees, and the animal lifted his snout into the air.

Sunlight... He would never take it for granted again. (Ten times better than hail, and snow, and rain, and sleet.)

_'I get that, I do, and I know you're sick of me sayin' it and shit but really; Back to what I started earlier. I think we should sit down sometimes, not right now I mean; On our own, and think about the crap she's done for us. The shit we've made her do for us.'_ The scenic surroundings in Paul's head changed then; And he saw once again the time he and Leah fought side by side in battle.

_'But I do think, Paul. I think about it _alllllll _the fucking time.'_ Jacob cocked his head; Listening to the chirp of the birds, the running of the creek only a kilometer or so away. The rustling of the leaves in the trees.

These daily things... These simple, daily things had become so important after the storm that threatened to take it all away.

Berating Leah on a daily basis for hurtful thoughts, advertising her pain to laugh at in secret, trying to ignore the sorrowful looks on her face when she saw Sam and Emily kiss...

They had all been daily things too.

**In spite of the way you were mockin' me;  
Acting like I was part of your property.  
Remembering all the times you fought with me;  
I'm surprised it  
got so far..**

_'We made her, what she was.'_ Paul, Embry, Jared and Quil all hung their heads. _'...And then we nearly destroyed it.'_

Jacob's own reddish-colored ears bent and nearly flattened to his skull in shame as he settled back down to lie. See, normally Alphas stand tall over their pack; Or sit on their haunches when they talk.

Talking about this... It made Jake want to sink to his belly and wean.

**Things, aren't,  
the way they were before;  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore!  
Not that you knew me back then  
but it all comes back to me  
in the end...**

**You kept everything inside  
and even though I tried,  
it all fell apart.  
What it meant to me will eventually  
be a memory of a time when  
I tried so hard;**

Quil's nose was still uplifted to the sun; Gazing at the blinding light as though he could dare himself to stare into the abyss forever without flinching. With Leah home, La Push felt more... _Homely._ Once again the pack's usual behaviour had begun to manifest. Family suppers (This time at the Clearwater's. But there was the occasional get-together at Sam's... Emily nowhere in sight.), going house to house without so much as a knock on the door, spending more time at your pack's houses then your own... Life in La Push had returned to what it was _supposed _to be.

What it should've been... All along.

**And go so far...  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.  
I had to fall,  
to lose it all...  
In the end, it doesn't even matter...**

No one had ever anticipated what life would've actually been like had they lost a member... Lost a packbrother (and at the very least, their packsister).

The closest call that they'd ever come to really losing someone, was the day Jacob had gotten grabbed by that newborn Leah had tried to take a bite out of. After that, the pack had really taken a liking to trying to make a meal out of Leah herself... More hurtful comments, more debates about her uselessness, her responsibility, just_ why _they had to deal with someone like her. She had acted so headstrong, so belligerent to admit she had gotten Jacob hurt, and hurt bad.

Jake lifted his muzzle once more into the sky. He recalled the days spent in bed, his bones, after experiencing the worst pain in his life, still regrowing and reshaping. Leah had shown up the very next day... Billy hadn't been inclined to let her inside, even. Jake could see the worry, the anger etched onto his old man's face and even though he knew inside, that his father _knew _Leah hadn't meant for Jake to get hurt... That Billy still blamed her.

Leah brought with her the same words she'd screamed at him on the battlefield, the same phrase she'd cursed into Sam and Emily's ears. '**I fucking **_**had **_**him! He should've **_**stayed out of it!'...**_

Seth weined softly, covering the end of his nose with two large dusky paws.

But Jacob had seen it... When she stood at his bedside, her fingers twitching where they rested beside his own hand. Like they itched to soothe him, to help him... But her pride wouldn't let her.

They'd made her that way.

Now, they were so afraid to even joke to the girl that honestly, the boys could tell their apprehension over her was making Leah uneasy.

_'Christ I even hold the damn door for her now... I pulled her chair out at dinner last night like a friggen pussy.' _

'_Paul you _are _a friggen pussy.'_

Some of them chuckled a bit while Paul and Jared quipped at eachother. Life was returning to normal... Even if it would take awhile for Leah to feel like she was being valued, instead of coddled.

Though Sam did coddle; He _really _did.

...Okay, so maybe they all did; Just a little.

Maybe it was safe for Quil to admit that Leah looked a little cute sometimes when she got flustered, over not even being able to open a car door for herself, or having someone call her every fifteen minutes just to check on where she was, how she was doing... Maybe it was okay to want to spend time with the girl Embry had never really gotten to know... Or, forgotten about.

Things were being seen in a different light... And as much as they wanted to change the means as to how they'd been made to see said light, they couldn't. And Leah accepted that... Soon, so would they.

Maybe it was okay, to feel like Leah was just as important to the pack as the boys were... And maybe even more.

Jake huffed softly in a quiet recognition, sitting up now... Watching over his pack, his family.

'_Yeah... I think it's all maybe okay. Besides... Any girl who can survive all that has got to have a bigger set of balls then I could've ever imagined.'_

**I've put my trust; In, you.  
Pushed as far as I can go.  
And for all this;  
There's only one thing,  
you should know...**

**I've put my trust; In, you!  
Pushed as far as I can go;  
And for all this...  
There's only one thing  
you should know...**

_'...I wonder how Leah's check-up is going...' _Quil lowered his snout.

_'I dunno... Good, I hope.' _Embry looked at him.

Jacob's large bushy tail began to wag.

_'Wanna go see?'_

Seth was the first one to his feet.

_'I'll race yah.'_

His alpha grinned mentally as his brothers climbed to their paws, shook out their coats like the proud animals they were and barked in excitment. _'Sure thing. Over the river and through the woods, to the vampire's house we go.'_

**I tried so hard; And got so far.  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.  
I had to fall, to lose it all...  
In the end, it doesn't even matter.**

The pack ran together, feeling short two members in their mindset and deciding that just wouldn't do.

Because that was exactly it; A pack meant together. And as long as they kept on running with that thought in their hearts, no matter silent or noisy, they would be fine.

No one could imagine a world, where one of them didn't exist.


	10. Sweet Dreams

**MS: **Okay guys, remember when I told you that ATS would have no reasonable timeline? Here's one of the chapters where it counts. This is a look at little LeeLee and little Sethy :) A glimpse into their childhood adorableness. I'm hoping it'll melt your hearts because really, writing this chapter melted mine. I hope you enjoy it! Leave the kids some lovin' in a review.

* * *

The wind battered against the windows.

Howled like a starved monster, bloodthirsty in it's rage.

Seth pulled the covers tighter around his body to fend off the cold, and wished for daylight to come. Winters in La Push were always bad, to some extent... At least that was what his father kept sayin'. Something like that... He hated it when adults talked about things he didn't really understand.

It would be so much easier if they could just talk about Gameboys... He knew alot about Gameboys. Spyro, and Pokemon, and-

Snow and sleet smacked the glass of his window so hard he uttered out a gasp in surprise. Why was it so bad outside...? It was like the Winter was angry. He'd seen his mother get angry before, so angry that she'd thrown her dishtowel down and a plate fell to the floor and smashed.

He'd cried.

Pulling the navy blue sheets of his bed even closer, Seth curled his knees to his stomach and thought of that day. It was a nice day outside, but his Mom and Dad argued a lot sometimes and he hated to see them fight. Leah made it better though, Leah took him outside to play with his dinky cars...

Leah.

It was so noisy with all that wind yowling that he couldn't even listen to see if his sister was awake or asleep. She hated storms just as much as he did, maybe even more and he wondered if she was okay. This wasn't a storm of thunder and lightning that lit up the sky like night-turned-to-day and his Daddy sliding his huge heavy desk across the wooden floor. The weather outside was all wet and cold and windy. The snow was falling so heavily and being blown so thickly that it blanketed La Push as if Mother Nature had draped a grey and black shawl all down over the little town. (Seth had compared it more similarly to his mother shutting off the lights.)

Gosh, he just wanted to sleep.

But there was no way in heck with all the racket outside... The screaming wind, the pelting snow...

The shadows that slithered across his floor like a large python just waiting for the little boy to close his eyes, fall to slumber, go to sleep... Darkness had moved into his bedroom and honestly, he'd believed his Daddy when he said:

_'There's no such thing as monsters, Seth my boy. There isn't any Boogeyman in your closet.'_

Now, Seth wasn't so sure.

But adults couldn't be wrong, right...? His Mom and Dad knew everything... They were so smart, and whatever they didn't know, Leah did; Leah knew everything too. His big sister maybe was even smarter than his parents... She knew how to explain things better.

_'Sis, why don't Mommy and Daddy go outside to play?'  
'Because they like playing in the house better.'_

_'Sis, why doesn't Paul like me...?'  
'Because he's stupid.'_

_'Sis, why is the sky blue?'  
'Because... Just because.'  
'Okay.'_

Yeah, Leah was really really smart, and really really pretty and brave too. It sucked that she had cooties, she could've been pretty cool if she was a guy like he, Embry, Jake, and Quil. But instead the guys just made fun of her; Paul kept pulling her hair and Jared was always laughing at her. Sam was pretty nice to her though; But he was old, just like Mommy and Daddy. Sam was in the third grade, going on fourth grade! He was already in regular school! Leah was only 6 and doing grade one. Adults are always nice to kids.

The wind blew particularly hard then and Seth swept the covers up over his head and maybe even uttered a gasp.

Maybe... Maybe he could go and get into bed with his parents?

No... Their room was all the way down at the end of the hallway, and it was really really dark in the hallway... Too dark, too loud. The storm could come right in through the window and grab him, he bet... No, it wasn't safe enough. He was just a kid, after all... His Mom and Dad could've done something like that, Leah maybe but not him.

Once again his mind drifted to his sister down the hallway. Her room wasn't as far as his parents'...

Seth swallowed roughly, and looked down from amongst the covers at his cold, steel grey carpet. Aw heck... It was like his floor was even getting longer now, and maybe he wouldn't make it to the door before the wind had enough time to blow the window open, let the icy cold hand of the blizzard worm it's way inside and grab Seth's ankle like a demon under his bed...

But, Leah always told him to be brave; So did his Dad. Their ancestors were brave, the spirit wolves who guided and protected the tribe were brave and Leah was brave, she skateboarded sometimes without a helmet...

He had to try.

Seth gulped again, and swung his legs across the broadside of the bed to rest his feet on the cool carpet below.

Then the snow battered against the windowpane so hard it was like an inhuman fist had tried to knock the glass in. Seth scrambled back into bed so fast his ankle hit the wall on a painful jut and he barely even felt it; Too occupied with the way his body was shaking, not just from the cold but from the way the Winter was so angry outside, so scary...

And as if he needed anything more to keep him awake for the rest of Forever, his door began to slowly, just so... Creak open.

_'Oh gosh... MOM! DAD! LEE!'_

"Seth...?"

He jerked his head upward from under the covers.

"Leah?"

"You're not asleep... I heard you bang on the wall so... I came to see."

Leah stood there, peeking in around the doorjamb in her little pink pajamas and she tiptoed into the room.

"I kicked the wall, I didn't mean it... I don't like the storm Lee, I don't like it at all!" Seth, despite still being scared, could feel inside that irreplaceable warmth, and the relieving feeling of not being so alone anymore.

Being protected.

"It's just a storm Seth..." She was twiddling her thumbs in front of her, looking at the window. Her blue eyes were a little shakier then normal... But she didn't seem too scared, not scared like he was... "I won't let it hurt you."

Leah teetered closer to the window then, as if the storm would give her enough leeway to see through the kaleidoscope darkness but to no avail. She saw the same thing as her younger brother... Grey, black, and maybe some white as the snow clung and froze to the windowpanes. She shivered; It was so cold, and she didn't know how to work her Mama's thermo-... Something or other, so she pursed her lips and hurried across the expanse of carpet to her brother's bed.

"Are you cold Seth?"

Her brother nodded, head still just peeking out from beneath the covers. "I'm really cold, and I can't work the heater-thingy and I don't wanna go down the hallway to get Mom and Dad..." Her brother sounded like he was at a total loss of what to do. Leah pursed her lips again, raising one hand to twirl some of her raven-colored hair into a knot before looking back at Seth.

"I don't wanna go wake'em up either... I'll keep you warm though." Leah timidly lifted her brother's navy blue comforter and slithered inside, Seth immediately pressing his back into her warmth so that she could wrap her arms around him,

Instantly, it was a safehaven in the bedroom.

His sister would protect him. She'd always protect him.

"Thanks Lee... I don't like the dark, and I don't like the cold and I don't like the storm, nope, not one bit!"

"Me neither Seth, but you gotta sleep. It's nighttime out, so that means you sleep."

"I tried to, but the storm's keeping me awake..." Her brother's whimper made Leah frown. Sure, her brother was really annoying sometimes. He even pulled the head off of her Little Mermaid doll. But he was still her brother... The same brother who gave her half of his coloring book, and never snitched on her when she accidentally let a bad word out or broke something.

"Yah want me to sing you to sleep Seth? I know a... A poem I read in school that I can sing for you, I think I know it anyways... It's hard but I can try..." It _was _hard. It wasn't really a song, and they didn't sing it in music class like they did the old Quileute lullabyes, but Leah liked it when she read it. Her teacher was really proud of her for reading it; She said Leah read and wrote at a third grade level, or something, and apparently that was really good! Sam even told her she was a good reader, hell- Oops, _heck,_ he was the one who gave her the book with the poem in it, his mom used to sing him stuff from it and read him stories too.

Seth's face was immediately a relieved smile, just as big as when he'd seen her at the door. Yawning once his face had practically cracked, he nodded.

"Yes please..."

Leah looked up for a moment, and shut her eyes as a particularly loud gust of wind shook the house. She gulped (felt Seth flinch), and knew she had to start.

_"Dragon tales, and the water is wild...;  
Pirates sail, and lost boys fly.  
Fish bite moonbeams every night...  
And I, love you._

_Godspeed, little man.  
Sweet dreams, little man.  
My love will fly, to you, each night  
on angels' wings..._

_Godspeed.  
Sweet dreams."_

It was so pretty. Seth could feel his eyes getting heavier by the minute, and for some reason it was like Leah's voice was growing louder than the storm... But still so soft and sweet. He could listen to her sing forever.

_"The rocket racer's all tuckered out;  
Superman's in pajamas on the couch.  
Goodnight moon, will find the mouse...;  
And I, love you._

_Godspeed little man.  
Sweet dreams little man.  
Oh my love, will fly, to you each night  
on angels' wings._

_Godspeed.  
Sweet dreams._

_God bless Mommy and matchbox cars...;  
God bless Dad, and thanks for the stars.  
God hears Amen, wherever we are;  
And I, love you._

_Godspeed little man.  
Sweet dreams little man.  
Oh my love will fly, to you each night  
on angels' wings._

_Godspeed.  
Godspeed...  
Godspeed;_

_Sweet dreams."_

Leah yawned herself, once her song had ended.

She'd watched her little brother's eyes slowly drawing closed a little more with each word she sung and it made her feel kinda glowy inside to know that she could make him happy before bedtime. Sam told her she'd like the book; He was right. Sam was always right.

Looking out the window, she couldn't pinpoint the time when the storm had ended... Maybe halfway through her song. She didn't really notice, and that was all fine and good. With the storm over and Seth asleep, now she could sleep too.

One more yawn...

Leah closed her own blue eyes, and dreamt of her friends until the morning, while Seth dreamt about her.


	11. You're Not Alone

**MS: **Oh my god guys... Looky here, I'm not deceased. I'm _so _sorry for this longass wait, I mean, it's been MONTHS. Longer than months... I just want to assure everyone that EVEN THOUGH it may have seemed like it, I will not and AM NOT abandoning this fic. I have a summer job see guys, and since I'm waitressing, it's a LOT of work. Along with applying for student loans and everything else, I've been pretty overwhelmed :/ I sat down here on my night off and knew I had to get my ass in gear and write this chapter lol. I miss writing, and I miss allllll my free time :( I mean, I've got the beginnings of a oneshot that I've been working on now for months and it's still not even half done :/ Curse my money-making ways! :) Anyway mah lovahs, I hope you enjoy this chapter; Got a bit of EmbryxLeah friendship goin' on here. REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW!

**Important Note: **Pleaseeee re-read the roleplaying notice on my profile :) No guys, it is NOT what a lot of you are expecting. Hahaha, believe me; I added some shiz to the note, so go check that out please if you're even the faintest bit interested and then send me a PM! :)

* * *

Leah stepped onto the wooden porch of Embry's house.

The third board creaked... It always had.

She'd never figured the sound to be something she would draw on for comfort, and familiarity... But there it was. Leah looked up at the decaying, pale yellow paint that thinly coated the outside of her friend's house and once again she found the sameness of it, the overwhelming awareness that nothing had changed... Very, very soothing.

Well, the house _had_ changed; To some degree. The yellow paint was thinner now in some patches... Completely gone in others and with a downcast look at the creaking wooden boards of Embry's bridge beneath her feet, Leah could see the paint chips and remnants of the color where the wind from those weeks ago had stripped the home of it's cover. Same old wooden shutters, one billowing in the slight breeze but never making forceful enough contact with the wall to make a sound. Same old rickety railing that only encased half of the deck for some reason, the other side, lost and weathered away with time.

And the same old dull melody of Embry's mother's radio playing in the kitchen. Smiling to herself as she licked her lips, Leah knew this house couldn't be anyone else's in La Push, but Embry's. The color, the woodsy smell surrounding it unaffected by the sea breeze or highway asphault... It all meant _Embry_ to her. Quiet, ignorant of what other things life has to offer... Not obliviously, of course.

Leah nervously twisted the plastic bag she held in her hand before taking a deep breath, and knocking on the door.

Embry's home, along with Paul's had been the only one unvisited by her so far. And really, Embry's should've been one of the first. Sam had told her all the nightmare details from their search, the winding paths through the trees, charging through iced-over lakes and battling the snow and hail. Her mate told her that Embry had gotten sick... Pneumonia had settled in on him pretty badly for awhile, while she was still cooped up at the Cullens' makeshift hospital. He was fine now, Sam had said, but at the same time... Leah hadn't known and hadn't thanked him for doing that for her.

Everything she said to him... Everything she did...

Leah swallowed audibly as she heard Embry's footfalls coming closer to the other side of the door.

When Embry pulled open his redwood door, perhaps the only un-shabby-looking applique of his house, to say he was surprised was, well... An understatement.

"Leah...?" Embry could feel his own brown eyes widening a little, none too awestruck to find his old friend standing on the other side of his door. "What are you... I, I mean...How are you...? Are you okay?"

His mind automatically jumped to 'Something must be wrong!'. Leah shook her head and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine... It's you I'm here to check in on."

Embry raised an eyebrow in the wake of his confusion. What did he need to be checked on for...? Especially by Leah... His deep eyes took in the form of her, shrouded in a sky blue, soft-fabric sweater and a pair of one of the only pairs of jean shorts Leah'd had left from controlling her temper after phasing. She looked... Good. Very, very good... Outside of some dark circles under her eyes, denoting maybe a lack of sleep or something, besides that... It made him smile a bit, both for himself, and for her because there was a point in time...

Where he doubted he was ever going to get the image of her naked, abused, bloody body out of his mind.

He wasn't the only wolf having that problem... No one worse than perhaps Sam and her brother. Speaking of, Seth and Sam were keeping Leah on a pretty tight leash. Physically, the Cullen doc had declared her healthy as a horse; Er, wolf, whatever way you wanted to slice it. ...It was just the emotional stuff that would take time.

So, Seth and Sam and Sue were pretty content with not letting her go out alone most days now. When Sue wanted to see Charlie, Seth stayed with Leah. When Seth had patrol, Leah spent the night at Sam's. When Sam was occupied with Alpha duties and council meetings, Leah was governed by her mother in a never-ending circle or worship and protection.

Just to make sure nothing that had happened to her, ever happened again.

Embry didn't blame them.

"Why me? I've been okay... Patrollin' and stuff... The usual."

Leah looked pensive, rubbing at the arm where she held a bag suspended from her fist.

"...Sam told me you had hypothermia..."

Embry outright scoffed. "Yeah, I had it for like three or four days... It was no big deal. And it was pneumonia; Not hypothermia." He grinned at her; But she didn't smile back.

"Can I come in...?"

Embry cursed in his head. "Yeah, yeah, geeze, sorry. Come on in." '_Well done asshole, try to cheer her up and you end up looking like some ignorant redneck instead.' _The boy was quick to backtrack by about four steps, giving Leah more than enough room to walk in over the worn, splintery threshold of Embry's doorjamb.

Leah smiled again and looked around. Yes... The inside hadn't changed either. Leah looked at the small clock-radio attached to the bottom of Embry's ceiling-running cupboards and noted the low tune of the song being played.

_If your lost;  
And you need to find some escape;  
Or some peace of mind,  
Call my name;  
When you need a friend.  
I'll be there;  
I'll be there._

Embry watched her wander around the kitchen, her eyes bright as they roamed over each and every corner of his house. She'd never done that before... Pack meetings were usually at either Jacob or Sam's house, but the pack was still frequent visitors at any and all members of the rez's houses, mostly. And when Leah was present at any house but her own, she usually stood boredly alone in the corner or kept her eyes anywhere else but on someone else's or on their personal property.

Like she felt like an outsider, around her own family.

And yet here she was... Back from the edge of death, and asking whether _he, _who had a minor case of the sniffles and the shivers... Was okay.

"Leah-"

"Can I talk, first...? Please?"

Embry shut his mouth quite quickly... But then he opened it again and cut her off.

"I think we should-"

"Wait Leah... Let's talk, okay?" Embry took the plastic bag from her and rested it on the table, then lead her by the hand (as gently as he thought it was possible to lead a person) into the living room so that they could sit on the couch.

Once he was sure Leah was comfortable and looking at him with both apprehension and no small matter of wonderment, he began speaking again.

"...You don't need to be here to check on me, Leah... Christ, I... I'm _fine..._ I would get hypothermia- Er, pneumonia every day for the rest of my life if that meant I could've-..." She watched the way Embry's throat bobbed; Heard his sharp intake of breath. "If I could've... Stopped what happened, from happening to you..."

Leah tilted her head, black locks dusting her arms as she took in his words, his sincerity. It surprised her a bit... Hell, it surprised her a lot because... He wasn't the one who should've been apologizing.

Leah had days of bedrest, nights of pain and regret to see that.

"You don't need to apologize."

"Are you serious...? I know we've been through this a million times.. Us, and you, but... We _are _sorry Leah... We want to, no-.. We _need_ to drill this into your head... We never, ever wanted to see you hurt like that...!" Embry could feel his cheeks enflame, his heart race faster; It was all true, every bit of it.

If they hadn't treated her so unfairly, if they hadn't taken her for granted... Given in to every little whispered whim of her cousin and the council... Maybe they could've saved her.

"I know... I've forgiven you for that, Embry... Besides...," Leah paused, eyes flitting around like earlier before returning to his. The words held onto her tongue, refusing to drop. "...I probably hurt you, more than you've ever hurt me."

_If your dreams,  
are drenched in sweat,  
you can't sleep;  
There's too much, in your head.  
Call my name;  
Anytime, of day.  
I'll be there;  
I'll be there._

"What...?" Embry didn't want to sound like such a dope, but... There it was. "How in the hell do you figure that...? I didn't run away, I didn't have an ex-boyfriend in love with my own family, and I didn't-... Jesus, I didn't get _shot!"_

Leah held up her hand, to silence the tyrade before Embry had a chance to continue.

"I know... And I had a father."

Embry stilled; Mouth agape, lips moving trying to form words. But none came out. "Uhh.."

Leah studied his slack-jawed expression, the look of utter awkwardness and discontent in his eyes and she immediately felt the urge to make herself a little smaller. Being back in a relationship with Sam, with an Alpha, well... It carried certain consequences and behaviours. Leah let herself sink back into his couch and shrugged her shoulders. "You weren't one of the mean ones, Embry... Not really, I mean... Sometimes you even helped..." Leah trailed off again; Embry watched her eyes move about the room.

(Apologizing, he guessed, never was and still wasn't an easy trademark of Leah Clearwater.)

"...And all I ever gave you was shit about your Dad..."

"...Well, that's okay Leah... I mean, you had a lot of stuff going on, know what I mean...?" The back of his neck suddenly felt warm and sticky with the sweat of an awkward, nervous conversation. Raising his hand to rub the juncture between his hairline and the neck of his shirt, Embry could only search his mind for the words to say. It took a lot, to finally come out and apologize. ...But it was also an apology that he'd been so resigned to believing he would never ever get from her, that hearing it now made him kinda... Irritated, in the smallest way...?

What Leah'd said to him... It _did _hurt.

Leah's blue eyes hit the floor for a moment, and the edge of her jeans seemed to attract her attention for a bit. Embry felt sad for a moment; Leah Clearwater was a lot of things; But never shy. Never nervous, never cautious.

Embry guessed this whole... Disaster, that tragedy she barely made it out alive from had beaten her street senses out of her. Or; Beat them back in.

Then she looked back up at him through the razored black bangs of her hair.

"Yeah... And I just had to make everyone else go through the same thing, didn't I..." She picked some more at the tethers of her shorts' hems. "I know I was just being a dick, Embry, I know I was a bitch... I know now that I didn't have to be... And, that's why I've given up blaming you guys for being so mean to me, I guess." That worn, soft smile Leah wore so regularly made it onto her face. "I mean... I was being just as cruel, if not moreso... Then you guys were."

Embry reached out; Placed his hand gently on her's, resting on her thigh.

"It's okay, Lee... It really is."

"But it's not... I can't walk away from this like I did nothing wrong, just because of this whole damn pity-party thing La Push seems to be having for me..." She stroked the hair out of her face and sighed, for the first time now as her irritation shone through did Embry recognize even a bit of her old, macho-fasade. "...You did more for me, then... Then I ever would've imagined somebody I'd treated as friggen plagued and shitty as you, would've..." When her blue eyes opted upwards again to meet the kind, brown orbs of her packbrother she smiled that smile.

And Embry smiled back.

_When you can't, carry on;  
When the road's way too long;  
Know that you're not alone,  
I can carry you home.  
If you hold on, tonight;  
I'll be there._

Embry could recall that night, months ago...

Leaving Sue's house, phasing before their feet had even hit the pavement. He can't really remember the houses, though; That's how fast they'd run. As soon as Jacob had found that sparkling trinket resting on her dusty, forgotten pillow, it hadn't taken the pack long to connect the dots.

Then they were outta there.

Running, for hours. Through snow, through rain, sleet, and hail... He might've fell into a pond once or twice; A stride over ice way too thin to hold his weight. But, the pack hadn't slowed; The pack hadn't slowed, not once.

Not when there was the _barest _hope that they were going to find Leah alive and well.

Embry cracked something like a smirk.

"I fell through two lots of ice, into freezing water, got blinded by snow half a dozen times, went damn near deaf with the amount of ice that froze in my ears because of the rain and the wind and I'd _still _do it all again. It was worth it, Leah; Whether you wanna admit it or not."

Leah couldn't help the slow smile that turned her lips upwards; Embry's hand a heavy weight on her own as she interlocked their fingers.

"Good... Because, you know I would've done that and more, if it was you... Right?"

"I know you would've. But it won't be me anytime soon; Paul doesn't have so much hatred and sexual tension towards me that he'd feel the need to call me off. Really, though Lee... You should probably consider givin' the poor guy a mercy throw because whatever Rachel's doing, it's not working."

Leah looked shocked.

_'...Fuck... Good job you numbnuts, look what you did now-'_

Then she laughed.

_If you give, till you've got nothing left;  
Wanted more;  
But you end up with less.  
All your friends;  
Have turned away,  
but I'll be there.  
I'll be there._

The grin that echoed her laugh, growing on Embry's face made her feel warm inside.

_When you can't, carry on;  
When the road's way too long.  
Know that you're not along,  
I can carry you home;  
If you hold on, tonight._

_If you hold on tonight...!_

"Fuck Embry...," Leah leant back into the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "...Remember when we were younger, and we used to sneak in the back of your Mom's store and steal those little banana-flavored candy things? And the chocolates with the sprinkles...?"

She could remember the sweet taste; She loved that they could've gotten caught. (_Had _gotten caught, on _many_ occasions.)

"Yeah I remember... They were good. They were...," Embry laughed to himself. "They were one cent to buy. Why did we steal those...?" He grinned at his partner in crime and she grinned back; Leah and Embry laughed again.

"Well they're five cents just for one now; So I think we had the right idea."

Leah'd expected another grin on Embry's face... He was her friend, she liked to see him smile. Now that she could remember what it looked like when he did so. But... The next smile never came. Instead, Embry's face fell just a little. His eyes drifted too the floor, for a few moments before intently moving back to her own.

"...It's funny how everything works out, to get you from then to here, huh...?" Leah tilted her head, and Embry continued.

"Back then you and Sam were best friends... He was older and it didn't even matter. The crew-... The pack, we were all friends. Even back then... But now... Look where we are. ...Sometimes, or-.." He pursed his lips. "...A lot of the time I wish all those stories and legends, were still stories and legends... Yah know?"

Leah agreed. God, she agreed.

"Yeah... I know."

_The weight of the world is too much to take;  
Pullin' yah down, like a tidal wave.  
I can hold you; I will hold you.  
Here, and now!_

_If you're lost...  
And you need to find some escape;  
Or some peace of mind..._

"I used to think being called the rez bastard and hearing people talk about my Mom, like... Like she was some prostitute who just didn't wanna admit the name of my Dad... I used to think it was such a big deal. I used to think it made my life horrible."

"It wasn't horrible... But I know it had to hurt..."

"Yeah, it wasn't horrible... Compared to what it is- Well, not _what_ it is now, but... _How_ my life, our lives _could_ be...," He looked at her and smiled softly. "Yeah, it wasn't horrible."

"No... I guess it wasn't."

Embry leant back into the couch as well.

"Yah know, I think I'm gonna do it."

Leah tilted her head.

"Do what?"

"Get a test done. One of those parental things... The DNA. I'll ask Sam, Jake, Paul and..." Embry trailed off. Of course, the dumbass would forget that Leah and Seth's Dad, the well-respected Harry Clearwater was also a suspect. ...Embry's Dad (though the most likely suspect was Sam's deadbeat father Josh) had to be someone who carried the wolf gene.

Someone who already was the father of a wolf.

Embry swallowed roughly. "...I didn't wanna offend you Lee, it's just-"

"It's fine." She smiled kindly at him, and rubbed the top of his hand with her thumb. "I know Dad''s in the line-up of possibilities... I know Sam's Dad is the favored, but..." Leah sighed deeply. "My Dad lied to me once, already... I don't care if he was under orders from the council; I don't care if he thought he was doing me some sort of sick favor, or keeping me safe... He lied to me."

Embry nodded slowly, taking in her gracious words.

"...So, maybe... He lied about this. I'm past hating my Mom and Dad for what they did... But I'm not gonna put them on that pedestal, and have the same belief in them... Know what I'm getting at?"

Embry nodded again. "Yeah... Thanks, Leah... So much."

"Your welcome."

Leah raised her hand and pulled two strands of long, raven black hair from her scalp.

"Take it; I got lots more now that the council's gonna let me grow it out."

_When you can't carry on;  
When the road's way too long.  
Know that you're not alone,  
I can carry you home;  
If you hold on tonight._

_When you can't carry on;  
When the road's way too long.  
Know that you're not alone,  
I can carry you home;  
If you hold on tonight._

_I'll be there..._

Embry couldn't help the belly laugh.

"Thanks Leah, but I really don't think I need to have your hair lying around my place while I wait for everyone else to give me some of their's." He stuck his tongue out at her and Leah pulled an obviously fake, stunned face.

"Jerk." She dropped her hair on his carpet. "Bam, look'a that!"

"You're makin' a mess Leah!"

The laughter that the two old friends were able to conjure up would've been infectious, if there had been anyone else around to hear it.

But there wasn't. And they were fine with that. Leah looked at Embry after their riot and smiled softly... Then she hugged him. Embry wrapped his strong arms around her gently in return.

"You know I'll always be there for you... Right Lee? If you need me... I'll be there."

"I know... Me too."

_When the world seems wrong;  
When you've come undone;  
No you're not alone, I'll be there for you.  
When the world seems wrong;  
When you've come undone;  
No you're not alone,  
you know I'll be there._

"So what's in the bag anyways?" Embry looked back at his dining room table where he'd tossed the plastic bag Leah'd been towing when she arrived. Looking back at him, Leah shrugs with a smile.

"...I came here to reconnect, and Sam's gonna be patrolling 'til later... I know you're off today, so I figured we'd chill together... Maybe, watch a movie...?"

Embry got up and got the bag.

"'_The Hangover'_... Nice."

Embry popped in the DVD; Leah and himself sat on the couch, laughed, talked about the pack... Made fun of the fact that '_The Hangover'_ had a one-man wolfpack.

And knew that that was the farthest thing from possible, even in _their_ fucked up world.


	12. The Last Word

**MS: **Now haven't we all been waiting for this ;) The moment of truth... An EmilyxLeah confrontation. I can only hope you guys find it as emotionally draining and explosive as I did while I was writing this hahaha, it's 3:53 AM here and I have work at 12 but I just couldn't even consider hitting the sack until I spent a few more hours chatting it up with my beta (LOVE you StealthLiberal ;) ) and finishing this chapter. So guys, please enjoy... And also review :) It was your reviews that got me started, and they're continuing inspiration. PS; New poll on my profile :) Go take it please!

* * *

_Now go stand in the corner and _think_, about what you did._

Leah gave the corner of her tv dinner mac and cheese's package a particularly hard rip.

"Son of a bitch... Why the fuck do they even bother putting timestamps on these goddamn things if they_'_re _never_ right?"

Leah grumbled to herself some more, attempted to stir the still-frozen slush in her plastic container and then slung the tray right back into her microwave. It _was _true; You'd think some decent human being would sit those corporate asshats down and tell them that _"NO; This stupid fucking macaroni and cheese dinner does not cook in two and a half minutes. It actually takes seven; SEVEN! So write SEVEN LONG-ASS MINUTES ON YOUR FUCKING BOX OR JUST DON'T BOTHER!"_

Honestly, it was a bit of a let-down. It made her blood boil, actually. The damn box said two and a half minutes, so Leah expected to be able to stand peacefully in her kitchen, for two and a half minutes, listening to whatever was on the radio; For two and a half minutes... While she waited for the commercials to get over on the tv (which take roughly... Two and a half or three minutes). Then, with her yummy, cheesey goodness in hand, she could've returned to her couch, covered up in her blanket that still smelled like Sam from the night before and then watch... Equally cheesey saturday morning cartoons.

Beyblade, Digimon and Pokemon... Childhood classics. What a laugh.

But no; Instead she got stuck standing in the fucking kitchen stirring macaroni and slush so damn cold it rivalled Cullen ass for an entire six minutes before it even started to warm up. Maybe it was because her microwave was as _old_ as a Cullen too; Or, like every damn consumer product that says 'Two and a half minutes'... The timestamp estimate is just plain wrong.

"Seriously... If you're not fucking hot in zero-point two seconds I'm gonna-"

Leah cut herself off as there was a low, rattling knock at the door. Leah's fingers twitched on her fork. She knew that knock. Hell, Leah had been wondering... Patiently watching, waiting for that knock to finally arrive.

_Ha; Time for a little revenge._

Leah turned down the volume on the radio, listened as the door opened and Emily took her first five pensive steps back into the house of her once-best friend.

"Leah... Can we talk?"

Leah looked her over from head to toe; Tapped her fingernails against the counter where she leant against it and frankly, maybe she would've put some pants on if she'd known today was the day she was going to be getting some unwanted company.

('_Then again', _Leah figured... _'Let her stare at these fucking legs... Legs she wishes she could have_.')

"I guess we have to, don't we."

Her cousin only nodded, scarred lips pursed and that signature scowl of disapproval Emily always wore as soon as she laid eyes on Leah or her wardrobe plastered clear on her face. Then she invited herself in, and took a seat at Leah's table.

Leah sighed deeply (noting and taking pleasure in how annoyed that made Emily's face look), and then took the seat across from her.

Emily's long, thin hair was unstyled and she wore no colorless gloss on her pout today. Her hands were on the table, fists together, fingers entwined and fidgeting as she reasoned inside her head for just the right way to put this. A way that Leah would understand and she'd get the conversation she wanted.

"So... I can't believe you'd do this to me."

_The story starts when it was hot and it was summer, and;  
I had it all, I had him right there where I wanted him.  
She came along, got him alone and let's hear the applause;  
She took him faster than you can say, 'Sabotage.'_

Leah's eyes went just a little wide.

"...This is like, the first time I've seen you while I'm actually conscious, and that's what you say to me..." She scoffed and shook her head. "Yeah Emily, I feel fucking _fine_ after everything they did to me, I'm _peachy."_

Typical, typical Emily... The dark parts of that quiet, 'sweet girl' that no one except who was closest to her knew about... The things Leah knew about.

Emily chewed her lip.

"I see nearly dying and having the rest of the pack nearly die _for_ you still hasn't changed your attitude much..."

"I didn't try it, Emily."

"Didn't try what? Running out on me the moment I thought I had good news, just to get your stupid attention?"

"No. Stealing Sam back."

_I never saw it coming, wouldn't of suspected it;  
I underestimated just who I was dealing with.  
She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum;  
She underestimated just who she was stealing from._

"Leah you and I both know that's a lie." Emily's hands had moved into her lap now, and were wringing the deep green fabric of the old-designer sundress she wore. Leah rolled her eyes; No doubt it was from Rachel or Rebecca's closet, if Emily had something to prove she never ever wore her own drab, dreary clothes.

"It's not a lie, Emily." Leah folded her hands; Wished the situation weren't so tensely centered, so maybe she could get away with humming along to the radio as she sneakily ignored every little disrespectful word out of her bratty cousin's mouth. "But you know what...? Even if I did try it-Which I didn't...; It would be justified."

Emily's scarred lips turned into a grimace. "How could that _ever_ be justif-"

"It's what you did to me, Emily. Isn't it?"

_She's not a saint, and she's not what you think;  
She's an actress, woah.  
She's better known for the things that she does, on the mattress;  
Woah._

_Soon she's gonna find  
stealing other peoples' toys on the playground  
won't make you many friends...  
She should keep in mind,  
she should keep in mind;  
There is nothing I do better than revenge._

_Ha!_

"Do you _know _how ridiculous you sound right now Leah?" Her cousin looked ready to pull the hair from her head. "I've told you, a million times...! And not just me, _not_ just me...! Your Mom told you, the Council told you, Jacob told you and _Sam _told you! Imprinting is _more_ then what love is made out to be Leah; It's destiny, it's meant to be! Set up by the Gods, or our spirit guides, whoever makes this stuff up...! ...I know what Sam meant to you. But you had no right, to disqualify and ignore what we meant to _eachother _when he imprinted on me." The entire time Emily had been speaking, Leah had been stewing angrier and sadder inside her head. Yes, so... Maybe it was a bit of a cuntly move to start letting your heart think of a taken man as your own even before he'd called it quits with your family.

Buttttttt once again; Karma.

Monkey see, monkey do.

It was what Emily deserved... It was revenge.

Leah opened her mouth to speak; But then of course she was cut off again.

"No Leah, listen. You _never_ do that, we know; But just _try._ I _love _Sam, in a way your.. Your _brain _and your heart can't even comprehend because you _don't know what imprinting FEELS like!" _The end of Emily's sentence came out a near-screech; Leah almost cringed as some of her cousin's spit hit her cheek bone from across the table. "Everything I do... I do for Sam. Everything he does, he does for me."

"He didn't ditch out when you thought you were pregnant, for _you_, Emily. Believe me."

Emily's fingernails dug into the splintered wood of the old Clearwater kitchen table.

"If you hadn't run off... He never would've 'ditched out' on me... He never would've taken another _glance _at you...! You're not even _half_ the girl you were when he first dated you, now you're-"

"Now I'm _what, _Emily...? What am I?" Leah's fingers kept up a steady drum on the table. Halfway through Emily's vicious tyrade, Leah had drawn an important conclusion. Getting mad at the girl served no purpose... Leah had done that. Time, and time again. Threatened to make the other side of her face match when all Emily would do was point her scars at Sam. Got her in trouble, yeah... But she wouldn't forget that wide-eyed look of realization in her cousin's eyes when it had become clear that not everyone was oblivious to her.

"...Now you're just the second choice. A homewrecker."

Leah was the one now who was just a little wide-eyed.

"...Now you're alone."

Leah had been, alone... She was for a really, really long time.

Her brother was happy, content with life in the pack (and his videogames) and who was Leah to try and ruin that for him...? Her mother, well... She may have gotten over her father's death quickly but she _had_ moved on and Charlie did make Sue happy. He made her _really_ happy, from what Leah was sometimes unlucky enough to hear at night... Rachel used to be one of her best friends. The twins were a nearly two years older than Leah but it hadn't mattered, they grew up as neighbors, as family practically like all the families in La Push had lived and they were close. ...Until Paul imprinted on Rachel. Until Rebecca moved away. Then Emily came into the picture, and suddenly Rachel and Emily had more things in common; Suddenly Rachel liked some of Emily's old dresses more than Leah's and stopped coming over to talk new fashion. Decided that maybe Leah wouldn't care if she kept the dresses she'd already borrowed. (_"Besides... Who needs pretty dresses and heels when all you do is run around in the woods all day Leah?") _Kim... Now that girl, Leah had never really taken to. Not at all. Kim was... Fuck she was slow. And not slow in just the moving, manner... Slow in a lot of ways Leah wasn't sure would get her very far in life.

She tended to call her Dim Kim. Kim the Bim-bo. Some rhyme or another and for however fucked in the head Kimberly was, she did manage to shoot a glare Leah's way everytime she was caught saying it.

So... Yeah, maybe Leah'd been alone.

But she wasn't anymore.

_She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list;  
She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it.  
I think her ever-present frown is a little troubling, and;  
She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things  
but;_

_Sophistication isn't what you wear or who yah know;  
Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go.  
They didn't teach you that in prep school so it's up to me;  
But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity..._

"...Who do you cook for, now, Emily?"

"What?"

"I said... Who do you cook for. Because... Last night, and the night before last Sam and the guys came here for supper... It was nice... Though I barely got any groceries left, never realized just how much they eat... But yeah. ...Who was with you?"

Emily's eyebrows shot up into her hairline before that undeniable grimace reshaped her scars into something even more sinister.

"What did you do, poison them? I had to teach you everything about cooking; I can guarantee they'd rather eat mine any day over your's." How dare her fucking cousin bring up the fact that Emily ate alone...? That Emily's food would go to waste...? She shook her head. Leah had to take the only thing she was good at... She _always _did. Whether it was the prettiest barbie, the biggest teddy, or the newest paints. Leah had to have it, Leah had to come first; LeahLeahLeah_Leah._

"You didn't teach me how to cook Emily, my Mom did. Rebecca taught me some things too... Maybe I know how to grease a muffin pan because of you; That's about it."

"God you are SO goddamn selfish Leah!" Emily smacked her palm against the tabletop, knocked over the saltshaker and Leah's lip twitched. Her cousin and her tantrums... Typical. If Leah had a new shirt, Emily had to throw a tantrum to get the same one; If Leah had candy, she just _had _to give some to Emily or take her to the store so she could get her own. And if Leah was happy, well... Emily had to be the same, didn't she? EmilyEmilyEmily_Emily._

"You're not five anymore Em, stop acting like a stupid little brat! Plus... How _dare_ you;.." Leah took a deep breath; Heat pooled at her spine, tremors licked at her nerves and she knew that yes, Emily could very well come out with a symmetrical face if Leah didn't calm herself down. "...How DARE you... Call me selfish..." Her voice wavered again and then... Leah almost cried.

She had no idea why; But her eyes stung and there were tears there, just not enough to fall.

"Emily the only reason you even tried to come see me while I was still at the Cullens' was so you could act like you actually gave a damn, put down that bloody basket of stupid fucking carrot muffins that you know I _hate _and then call me off as soon as you were alone with me...! You _still_ haven't asked me to my face if I'm okay..!"

Bile rose and threatened to overflood into Emily's mouth, her fingers were hard-grit into the table now to the point where her cuticles burned and she just couldn't make herself stop. She was not the bad person here... Leah couldn't even tell her congratulations, when she'd thought she was pregnant without half bawling her eyes out and trying to get attention. As if she always didn't have some small part of Sam's focus anyways-

"It's just another one of those little... Little evil things about you, Emily. I know _every _person has a little bit of that evil inside of 'em, _no one_ can be good to fault but you, lately... You _shocked_ me. Like that day I told you off for always doing that fucking pitiful show in front of Sam... He knows what he did... He knows he hurt you. He _hurts_ over it, every day Emily I can _see _that even if he doesn't love you anymore...! But still. You shoved those damn scars in his face everytime he was even a centimetre close to making up his own mind; To making a choice you didn't agree with, to not letting you have something!"

Leah hadn't prepared for Emily's backwards remark so quickly.

Quick tongues must've ran a little deeper into the family than originally thought.

"Says the girl who tortured the entire pack with her goddamn jealousy and pettyness! You think it was just a coincidence Leah that all your friends abandoned you? That your own mother couldn't stand you, your own brother?" Emily was shaking her head as if her point had already been proven correct. "No one could stand to be in your head; They've all told me all about it. You were just as big a bitch to them as you say I've been to you."

Emily delighted in the way Leah's face fell just that little bit. Because well, it was the truth.

"At least I never said anything to Embry about his father... Or called Quil a pedophile. Because he's _not! _He'll make Claire _very _happy some day!"

(Leah resisted the urge to say, 'What if Claire doesn't _want _to be happy with Quil?')

But what _could _Leah say...? It had suddenly gotten a lot colder in the kitchen... Emily was right.

"...Sure Emily... Okay." Emily watched as Leah sat up stiffly in her seat, scratched absently at her bare arm. Her cousin always seemed half naked, it was so... Vile. Sweeping her hands through hair that despite being grown out Emily was sure had seen better days, Leah chewed her bottom lip.

"...I was a bitch, Emily... I was. I was in a bad spot... I was hurting."

"So-"

"So what excuse does that give you?"

_She's not a saint, and she's not what you think;  
She's an actress, woah.  
She's better known for the things that she does, on the mattress;  
Woah._

_Soon she's gonna find  
stealing other peoples' toys on the playground  
won't make you many friends...  
She should keep in mind,  
she should keep in mind;  
There is nothing I do better than revenge._

_Ha!_

Emily's head jerked backwards. Leah was a bit surprised, actually... There could've been a lot worse of things she wanted to say to her cousin then point out how cruel she was being. Hell, Leah was even pointing it out _delicately..._ Whenever she'd been mean, she was boldy called a bitch.

A harpy.

Bitter.

Ungrateful.

Heartbroken.

"Leah, we used to be best friends... I don't know why you've changed so much...!"

Leah looked up at Emily instead of at her clenched fingers then, and studied the perplexed, '_upset'_ expression on her ripped up face. Now, really Leah's eyes weren't always on Emily's scars... No one on the rez's were. They were just part of who she was... Like being mean was part of who Leah was.

"I haven't changed, Emily... Or wait-... You know what, nevermind." Suddenly Leah's mind began to replay her own events of cruelty. Hating her mother for undermining Harry's death. Wishing Seth would just... Would just shut the fuck up and go be happy somewhere else. Picking out any random person with the smallest flaw that she could exploit, and using it; Like she had with Bella Cullen. Leah hadn't known that pale, brain-dead girl (literally); But she still assumed she was a succubus slut who was doing her very best to waste Jacob's time.

(And she was right, wasn't she?)

"I have changed... I did change. A lot. But I can owe up to it Emily, and that's the difference between you and me...!" Leah stood up and Emily's eyes widened a little as she took in all menacing yet untamed beauty of Leah's six feet tall and long hair. "At least I can admit when I've been cruel... When I've made others take risks, that... That they shouldn't have to." Leah bit her lip as she remembered looking out of that battlefield on that rainy day. She remembered Embry's broken arm, the blood running down Jared's back... Paul's massacred leg which he still stood on; Sam's shoulder that had went out, there were tiny scars milling all around his arms from the rock he'd been smashed into.

The fact that they were ready to die for her. With her.

"Exactly." Emily crossed her arms and looked Leah up and down. Now, after coming out of hell the changes in Leah were noticeable again. When Sam had first broken the news to her about calling off their engagement and leaving her for Emily, Leah's done... Limp. She'd moved with ghost-like stagger, an empty expression in her eyes and honestly... It did hurt to watch. It made Emily's chest ache everytime she talked to her about which dress to wear for the wedding but still... Holy heck... There wasn't like there was anything Emily could do about it, right...? Try and bring Leah back into the family... Maybe that. (And she _did_ try.) "You could've handled _everything _better, you just-just _decided_ to be a BITCH about everying!" Emily rolled those fucking eyes again... Leah realized it was a trait every member of the Clearwater family who'd ever been wronged, had adopted.

(She prayed that Seth could be the sole survivor of that... But she hadn't seen him, while she'd been gone.)

Leah's voice stuttered with her surprise, her sadness, her anger.

"And you.. You're just so much better?"

"I know I am... I know I always _will be!"_

Leah had to bite her lip. There was nothing you could say... Nothing you could do, to ever prove yourself right when it came to that girl. Nothing... When it came to Emily, you were always wrong, or spoiled, or lucky... You could never just be... Be right. Be happy. Memories, farther back then the blurry-edged, fleeting thoughts of her ordeal soared through her skull then and they made Leah _hurt. _The same type of hurt Karl had made her feel, tied up in the darkness, alone... The same type of hurt she'd felt when he told her over and over again, "_Sam's not coming. Sam has an imprint, he left you didn't he? Sam's not coming sugar." _It was sort of like a burn... Years old... But it hurt, every now and again.

**Emily and Leah sat on the dock down by Jared's father's boat and swung their legs in the water, laughing, wondering if little fishies would bite their toes. The boys were being loud and splashing eachother and it wasn't fair that Sam had been grounded, Leah thought because it was such a nice day... But at least she had her best friend. **

**Thumbing through fashion magazines on Leah's bed Emily licked her lips. "This one! I like this one, I want to get married in a dress like this!"  
Leah laughed.  
"You're so old-fashioned but it's nice. When I get married, it'll be something flowy... Something I can wear on the beach, somethin' sexy." The girls laughed and the Black twins looked up from their own magazine.  
"We all have to be bridesmaids for eachother."  
"We definitely do."  
Leah nodded her head.  
"Of course we will be, we're best friends... It's what best friends do."**

Emily had smiled... Goddammit that bitch had smiled but she had never promised that to Leah. Until the time came, and it was expected of her... Only then. "_You're gonna do this Leah because as much as you're angry right now you want Sam and I to be happy! And, this will make us happy. So, try on the dress."_

Leah's fingers twitched as she hurt... Again.

"You're not better Emily... You'll _never_ be better...!"

_I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey;  
You might have him but haven't you heard...  
I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey;  
You might have him but I _always_ get the last, word._

_Woah..._

Emily stood up, pointed her finger with that scowl but Leah had had enough.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for _every damn look I ever shot you! _I'm sorry that I was angry, when I couldn't be happy for you. I'm sorry Sam's leaving you now, to come back to me."

Her chest was heaving... Emily's eyes were wide like she was staring through to the wolf inside of her cousin... The animal that made her equal to the men, instead of just a wife to them.

"And I'm sorry... That you still think you're better than me, and that that overrides and makes everything okay. I'm so sorry Emily... I just wish you could be happy without being so mad at the same time. I'm sorry. Now... Please leave my house. It's nearly supper; I should get started on the turkey and the _cupcakes._"

Emily was silent. Then she grabbed her basket off the floor with a vengeance.

_She's not a saint, and she's _not _what you think.  
She's an actress, woah.  
She's better known for the things that she does, on the mattress;  
Woah._

_Soon she's gonna find  
stealing other peoples' toys on the playground  
won't make you many friends.  
She should keep in mind,  
she should keep in mind;  
There is nothing I do better than revenge._

"I'll forgive you Leah... Because that's what _good family_ does. I'll forgive you... Just to prove that in the end,I am, and _always will be,_ the one who's better at this then you."

Then Emily stomped out the door... Slammed it in her wake. There was no slapping, there was no... Throat-tight screaming, no applause for either parties. Just Emily's ego hanging overhead... Leah's long forgotten microwaveable dinner left cold in the container and the overwhelming sense of... Of despair, Leah felt sink into her bones.

Sink into her bones like the cold did, on that stormy, frightening night.

From inside the window, Leah watched Emily meet the pack halfway up the road to the house. Sam paused, and they had words; Then she shoved him so hard he nearly fell over and the other boys were agog. She hit him in the chest with her basket, then continued stomping away.

Forgiveness... Yeah, right.

_And do you still feel like, you know what you're doin'  
'cause I don't think you do.  
And do you still feel like, you know what you're doin'?  
I don't think you do, I don't think you do._

_Let's hear the applause.  
Come show me how much better you are.  
So you deserve some applause;  
'Cause you're so much better._

Leah sighed internally, dropped back down into her seat. Nothing was cooked, the house hadn't been cleaned yet... Her dinner was abandoned and she reached over to the counter, dropped the ill-cooked thing into the trashcan.

Emily always was good at multi-tasking.

Leah thrummed her fingers on the table, turned down the radio a little as her mate and his pack's footsteps approached the bridge, their amused voices and whispers and laughs audible from through the walls, through the cracked window maybe. Yes... Leah had it... Had it good, now... She was recovering, she was content... She loved Sam, and, he loved her... Finally. Her friends, they were themselves again... They were happy too, at least, it seemed like it. As they walked through the door, Leah looked up and met her lover's eyes and he looked tired. The way he looked back at her, concerned... She guessed she looked the same way.

Sam walked over to her, leant down and kissed her with all the love in the world.

But as Leah looked at the tossed-aside stack of magazines, the sink of dirty dishes and the turkey still needing to be cut awaiting inside the oven... Leah also knew that there would always be some little irrediscent part of her, that wished for her sister back.

_She took him faster than you can say, 'Sabotage.'_

* * *

**MS: **Did we like? Yes, no? Please tell me :) And I know I've taken a long awaited break from SamxLeah chapters... Well the next chapter's all them guys, don't worry ;) So you'll get your lovin's. But for now, drop me a review; Take the new poll honestly. I'd like some feedback about how you think this chapter went down. Thanks so much guys; REVIEW!


	13. Be My Guide

**MS: **And here we are again. I'll start off with apologizing; I did this rant on the new chapter of _Irreconcilable Differences_ but I'm sure there are some readers of ATS that don't keep up with my other fics. So again: the apology. Nursing school took over my life, and I am SO sorry if I lead everyone to believe that my fanfic writing career was abandoned. I never had that intention... I swear. But after awhile, my inspiration took a beatdown and I was so heavily bogged with work that the time to write, it just didn't exist. I'm so sorry that I was absent and let things go for so long. But, I'm back; hopefully new and improved! I'm going to finish ATS, and even post a few new oneshots and such that have been begging to be let out of my mind since seeing BD2. I've also reactivated my Twitter account! That means that I want all you guys to follow me! On my twitter I'll post fic updates and let you know what's going on with life! That way, if there's going to be a delay or if you just want to ask me a question, you have somewhere to do it. :) Find me at  ashleyFLORENCE. Now to avoid pressing your patience any longer, I bring you the next chapter of _After The Storm._

* * *

He could tell he was dreaming.

One of those otherworldly feelings that shouted _'this is in the past... I know it is... It feels so real, but... But...'_

It wasn't the usual dream. Maybe that was why Sam was more reluctant to pull himself out of it. This time it wasn't the telltale scene where Leah was on his hips; naked as the day she was born, riding him, kissing him and then everything just stops. All of a sudden she's on the other side of the room... And someone joins him on his end, beside the bed where he still lays. Emily.

The floor splits. It cracks down the middle as though some seismic force of god had begun to break the world into two perfect halves, and Leah was alone... Moving further, and further away but Sam couldn't reach her. Emily wouldn't let him, refused his right to call out to her.

No... This wasn't that dream.

Sam had no way of knowing how badly he tossed and turned under the confines of his covers. Or the covers that used to be there... They'd been kicked off, strewn amongst themselves like so many worthless nothings as he lay trapped inside his own head.

This dream wasn't like the usual dream... But Sam had the sickening feeling that it wasn't going to be any better.

_There were a lot of stars out that night... Sam looked up into the vast blackness that had drops of glimmering energy interspersed throughout. It was the sort of night that made one feel invincible, like nothing could go wrong. The fire was bright, everyone was laughing, it was warm, and the only background noise to be heard was the thundering roar of the waters out in the distance._

_The moon was like a brilliant white flag where it hovered in the nighttime sky. Watching over them all, bringing peace._

_He had the feeling something was going to change... Why would it change...?_

_Sam was staring at the large group gathered around the fire. From where he stood he could make out young Jacob Black and his father, Quil Senior and his grandson. Sam had looked after the two when they were young, they'd all hung out together._

_But then, that was a long time ago._

_He could see Jared and Paul too, but as he walked closer he wanted to see her. He'd had to run off some steam earlier in the day... Phase. So he had told Embry to tell Leah at the bonfire that he'd meet her there._

_Soon the object of his affection was met and he couldn't help the natural smile that wormed its way onto his face as he took in the way her skin seemed to absorb the fire's glow... The way the sea breeze made her hair dance in the wind._

_There was someone with her._

Sam was still tossing, still turning.

_When he came upon her he wrapped his arms around her waist. They'd been far past the point of worrying about public PDA, and he kissed at the tanned column of her neck just to hear his LeeLee giggle. When she did he turned her around, and kissed her; fuck she was so beautiful._

_Someone was watching them, though._

"I wanted you to meet my cousin, Emily."

_She had been nothing but a head in the crowd. Nothing but a face, nothing but a girl who had overdressed for a beach bonfire because she was scared she wouldn't impress. Nothing but a girl with a french braid... Nothing but Leah's first cousin._

_But that changed._

_The second Emily turned around and grinned up at him, something hit Sam so hard it almost briefly registered that Leah might've socked him. But she didn't... Nothing did. The rest of the faces around them became ghosts in a world all his own... All his, and this girl's own. Images blurred and time stopped for a moment._

_It was so terrifying._

_"Hi! I'm Emily, it's so nice to finally meet you, Leah talks about you all the time."_

_Emily.  
Emily.  
Emily.  
_Emily.

_So suddenly, she outshone everything. She outshone the stars... Outshone the moon. Outshone the fire. Outshone his LeeLee's blue eyes... Even the sparkle of the aquamarine jewel his fiancee had been clutching in her fist._

_God, while Sam stood there like a jackass staring at Emily he couldn't formulate words. He never answered the girl's hello; never responded to the chorus of the guys yelling out "hey Sam", "whatcha doin' man"..._

_He just couldn't remove his gaze from those deep, chocolate eyes._

_'What am I doing...? What's going on...?!'_

_As he got an inkling of clear thought in his head again (probably only because Emily started looking at him funny) Sam backpedaled so fast he nearly tripped over one of the pieces of driftwood the rez used for a bench. He had to literally tear himself away from looking at Emily and instead of just... Telling Leah, what happened he grabbed her, pulled her close and told her he had to go home. Emergency._

_And then he was gone._

_Running._

_The only thing Sam had really "seen" before he disappeared off the beach, was Harry Clearwater. Looking at him like he suddenly pitied the ground Sam Uley walked on._

**I've been travellin', but I don't know where.  
And I've been missin' you... But you just don't care.  
And I've been wanderin', I've seen Greece and Rome.  
Lost in the wilderness, so far from home...  
Yeah, yeah.**

_'Please... I want to wake up now. I don't want to go back to this. Please just let this be the end of it...'_

But as Sam wished for morning, he was not going to be indulged. As he struggled more within his own slumber, by some miracle failing to wake Leah beside him, reality changed again before Sam's eyes.

_'No...'_

**I've been to Africa, lookin' for my soul;  
And I feel like an actor, lookin' for a role.  
I've been in Arabia, I've seen a million stars...  
Been sippin' champagne, on the boulevards,  
yeah.**

_The phone kept ringing. It kept ringing, and ringing and fucking ringing and if Leah didn't stop Sam was going to pull the damn cord right out of the wall._

_Jesus, what had he become...? She was worried... Scared for him. Fuck, who wouldn't be? He knew he'd ran off that beach so quickly it seemed like someone had lit his ass on fire. He left her there... Jesus, he left everyone there. Things were hazy, but Sam was sure he'd seen Paul coming towards him with a roasted hotdog from the fire; Jacob, Embry and Quil had raised their hands to wave and Jared shouted something out. But he just left... Left them there. Left her there, with Emily._

(He knew now that he might as well of left his heart on the sand there too.)

_Sam looked at the cheap grey telephone as again it rang for like the fiftieth time inside of two hours. He didn't want to talk to Leah... Jesus, why couldn't she understand that...? _

_Even if he couldn't himself._

_The girl he did want to talk to was, no doubt, beside Leah as she called and called, trying to reach her fiance. Once Sam considered picking up the phone; maybe, asking Leah if he could talk to Emily but then he'd screwed up his face and thought better of it. Leah would know for sure that something was messed up then._

_'You've met this girl once in your life Sam... Christ, she was nothing special..' But she was, wasn't she?_

_From the moment that he'd laid eyes on Emily he knew. He saw the future... He saw everything he and Leah just... Wouldn't have, Sam was sure. He saw a big church wedding; lots of smiles, laughing faces and he saw a girl he could tell his secret to._

_Yes... The council, they would let Sam tell Emily wouldn't they? They would have to._

_Because Sam had a theory, of what had happened. _

_Again the phone fucking rang and this time, Sam picked it up._

_"Sam?! Sam.. I've been calling for hours, what happened with you tonight...?"_

_"Leah is your father home?"_

_"What?"_

_"Harry. Is Harry home? Put him on the phone."_

_"Why...?"_

_"Just do it, Leah."_

**I'm so sick and tired...  
Tryin' to turn the tide.  
So I'll say my goodbyes;  
Laugh, laugh...  
I nearly died.**

Sam finally came awake in a flurry of limbs and bedsheets entangling them. Looking down to his left side, where _she _always slept, Sam sucked in a ragged breath of relief when Leah lay beside him and not Emily.

The same side of the bed had never seemed so different to him. So warm. Again, Leah was so still while she slept... Turned onto her left side facing away from him her eyes were closed and wisps of her ebony-colored hair sheltered her snoozing eyelids. Here, like this, so late in the night with Leah sleeping beside him Sam had figured out a pattern.

He always dreamt; always. And in those dreams (nightmares), he always revisited either the cruel things he had done to Leah, the night he imprinted on Emily, the night Leah took off, the days spent in the cave watching her die, or that original dream with the cosmic floor.

And Sam _always _woke up covered in sweat and cursing.

This journey... This road to recovery, it was paved with nights like this.

**I've been in India; but it froze my bones.  
I'm livin' for the city... But I'm all alone.  
I've been travellin'... But I don't know where.  
I've been wandering... But I just don't care.  
But I don't.**

Jesus christ, Leah was the one who-... Who was raped, beaten, shot... Taken for the babies she only recently discovered she could have and expected to never see her friends or family again. Leah was the one who nearly died... Yet Sam was the one who was having terrors nightly like a goddamn pansy.

Whenever he woke up from this nightmares, he hated himself. Hated himself for what he was, shoved so harshly into the forefront of his mind again from the dreams... And he couldn't stand the fact that he woke up and wanted comfort. He woke up, shivering from his sweat and he always looked at Leah still sleeping and wondered, 'how are you doing this...?'

**I hate to be denied...  
How you hurt my pride.  
I feel pushed aside;  
Laugh,  
laugh,  
laugh...  
I nearly died.**

**Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.  
Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.**

She was so amazingly strong in the face of everything that had happened that sometimes, Sam was scared of her.

Scared for her.

Scared, deep down that maybe it had not been personal growth that had Leah believing, being happy again by force of will... But maybe the fact that life had finally beaten everything else out of her. This path was long, and hard and sometimes it frightened Sam. It had taken them both so far from everything they had ever known; sort of like imprinting did.

Only this path wasn't paved with good intentions and happy endings; more like pain, lonely nights and lots of tears.

But in the end, Sam kept telling her, they would live happily ever after.

He believed it.

He had to. For her.

**Livin' in a fantasy; but it's way too far.  
But this kinda loneliness... It's way too hard.  
And I've been wandering... Feelin' all alone.  
I lost my direction; and I lost my whole,  
world.**

There was never any doubt that he loved Leah; and fuck, anyone with half a brain knew that she loved him too. That was never the question. The question was, could they let go of everything else, put everything behind them, and somehow go back to the people they once were...?

Because once in awhile, Sam had his doubts.

Once in awhile, it would rain, and Leah would suddenly drop whatever plans she had and refuse to go anywhere. Patrol? Fuck that shit, _'Paul can do it.' _Every now and again Sam would touch Leah so tenderly she barely felt it and she would give him an odd look; he had been used to caressing entirely human flesh... Not that of a shapeshifter. _'Sorry, I'm not used to not... Having to hold back on the strength.'_

Old habits died hard... Died painfully.

When Leah did something so out of character for her, it pained Sam; it physically hurt and made him want to crawl right back up to the Canadian woods to that cave and die there.

When Sam caught himself acting too much like 'Emily's Sam', Leah's face would harden somewhat and she'd figure out some way to drop a conversation; cancel plans, make up an excuse for everything and nothing.

Sam took a deep breath, listened just in case rain or wind was battering the house. He was relieved to find everything silent... Then he sank back down beneath the covers and turned onto his side, wrapped an arm around Leah's midsection and snuggled closed. She shifted against him just a little, sighed softly in her sleep and then seemed to relax right back into what she could feel was a warm, safe presence.

Sometimes Leah slept through Sam's dreams; sometimes, she did not.

**I'm so sick and tired, yeah...  
Now I'm a slide.  
Feelin' so despised;  
when you laugh,  
laugh...  
I almost died.**

**Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.  
Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.**

Sam leant over his sleeping mate for a moment and pressed a soft, tender kiss to the corner of her mouth. He did that alot... Wanted Leah to know that even when she was asleep, alone in her head, that she was loved.

As he settled back in beside her Sam felt like maybe, though travelling down this road was going to be hard, and not as easy as it would've been with Emily at his side... That it was going to be the most worthwhile thing he would ever do.

Not an accomplishment; Leah was no goal to him, no object.

But she was every bit a reward to Sam.

**I hurt my pride.  
Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.  
Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.**

He closed his eyes, tried to lull himself back to sleep by the feel of Leah's breath moving her chest up, and down... Up and down, underneath his palm.

It wasn't going to be easy... But Sam would never regret his choice.

**Been travellin' far and wide; wonder whose gonna be my guide.**

* * *

**MS: **So this chapter sees Sam caught in the grips of wondering whether things will be okay or not and if the future has a strong outlook. Really, he's lost inside his own head and he needs to find his way back to who he was. I hope you guys will keep following the story, despite my tendencies of disappearing. Thanks again, and please review! :) And follow me on twitter if you've got an account! :)


	14. Real Love

**MS: **Hello hello everyone! :) I bring you the much-anticipated Leah and Jacob chapter of ATS. I think we've seen so little of Jake lately and it's time to rectify that, don't you? And sorry for the wait; again. Nursing sucks. Until I graduate and get paid for my time. But right now it sucks. Anyways, read on and review please! :)

* * *

"I think I should come with you."

"Sam, I can handle it."

"I-... I know. But you don't have to do it alone..."

"I won't be alone; Jacob's running with me isn't he?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Sam."

Leah smiled at him. That smile... It had come so far. She walked across the lawn towards him, and cupped his wrists to pull his hands from his cutoff pockets. He hadn't even been aware he'd shoved them down there actually. Sam took a deep breath in, then looked over Leah's shoulders toward the treeline facing the Clearwaters' back yard. Soon Jacob would appear amidst the greenery, probably phased, maybe not, waiting for Leah to join him on her first patrol... Her first patrol since being raped, beaten and taken by strangers who held all the power to burn the world in their hands.

Sam forced himself to look down at her finally. For so many weeks he had spent everyday and night sheltering her; now, she was finally ready to do things on her own again and here he was wanting her-... Not, wanting her to.

"You know I'm gonna be okay... I can't just phase in the woods with you when we feel like it and leave everyone running an extra hour because I can't do my six. ...Awhile ago I wanted nothing more, trust me."

"That's why I'm saying you don't need to do this-"

"I'm giving this my all Sam. God.." Leah scoffed softly. "I don't wanna stop living... Anddd if I get you, thennnn I can deal with patrolling and being in their heads. Sometimes even, it's not so bad."

He took another deep breath, then Sam raised his eyes as a curious snort echoed over to the couple from the trees behind them. Jacob stood there, red bushy tail flicking as he waited for Leah to phase and join him.

"...Alright. I love you... Please, be safe. Dear jesus just be careful."

Leah smiled again and kissed him; then she stripped herself bare... Put her clothes in Sam's hands and jogged to the treeline. Wolf, white fur and padded paws before she made it all the way.

'_Hey.'_

_'Hi.'_

Jacob turned his head and looked back at Sam, huffing a goodbye to his fellow alpha before he turned and began to trot away into the woods. Leah followed; there was almost a spring in her step, Sam noticed, as the duo disappeared.

Sighing to himself, he headed back inside. She needed this.

Jacob and Leah walked steadily through the trees for another minute or two, maybe twenty. Once they'd found one of the pack's many patrol lines, a running ground that circled the rez, Leah was almost surprised that it was the one she'd blazed almost two years ago now.

'_This trail, huh?'_

_'Figured it might help you get back into the swing of things; I don't know if patrolling is like riding a bike or not.'_

Leah chuckled in her head.

'_We're about to find out.'_ She looked up at the path of beaten branches, scratched rocks and trees on a slight ascend and began to run. Jacob followed her lead, this time.

_'So how you been?'_

_'Good...Sam and Seth take pretty good care of me.'_

_'Nice.'_

_'Yeah.'_

Months ago, Leah would've never openly admitted she needed to be taken care of. Jacob had pondered that briefly, mostly when he was in bed at night or running the circuit alone. She used to be so strong... No; she _was _strong. She used to _pretend_ to be stronger than she was. Never wanting help, never needing it... He knew better than anyone, that sometimes she did.

He got his entire left side crushed trying to prove that to her but it still got him nowhere.

_'So how's it been, patrolling an extra hour?'_

_'Longer, I guess?'_

_'No shit...?'_

_'Yup.'_

Leah wasn't counting the minutes, she was trying hard not to actually. But as she and Jacob rounded turns, leapt over dips and focused on the trail before them conversation just seemed... Dull. Not dull; smalltalkish. Sometimes the guys had no idea what and what not to say around her... She could tell. They wouldn't mention Emily in her presence; gun-talk and jokes about sex? Not at all.

She hadn't wanted today to be like that again.

Jacob's mind was mostly images... The trail they were on, clouds fluttering above them and even the small dart of animals now and again as they were scared off their lunches by the frolicking wolves. Movements in his periphery, and the way the earth felt beneath his paws.

Soft, green... So different from the cold, from the snow and the ice.

_'Everything feels different now,'_ Jacob realized with a somewhat earth-shattering premise.

The forest around them, the dirt roads they walk every single day, the chattering of the birds, the crash of the waves... The sound of the rainfall pitter-pattering on their windows at night. Even more, the girl in front of him... And themselves.

The last day he and Leah had had any semblance of deep conversation, close relations was the day he kissed-

The memory ejected from his mind like an old, worn-out tape needing a rewind; a replay. Instantly, both he and Leah were taken back to that day where Jacob had done something he _still _wasn't quite sure of the reason why. He'd been trying to tell her about fixing cars, aimless shit with Embry and then she'd been tired but he didn't listen and he wanted to race and she said she'd give him a black eye so he growled and tried to figure out why he was thinking so hard about her and then he decided he would-

_**"Um, what the hell are you doing?" She asked, placing a hand on his chest and trying to shove him away. She looked up at him with surprised dark blue eyes. A lot of people thought they were brown; Jake could see now that they were wrong.**_

_**"This." He replied simply before reaching forward, pressing his lips to hers.**_

_**For a moment, she stood rock still, the feel of his lips on hers rough and dry.**_

_**And it didn't feel bad. Not bad at all.**_

_**Jacob Black was kissing her.**_

_**Oh, holy fuck.**_

Leah's paws slowed, her ears twitched until the running wolf was jogging, then walking, then... Stopped.

'_Jake...?'_

_'...Yeah...? Sorry... Couldn't help it, I don't mean to make you feel bad over Sam or anything I just-'_

_'I didn't really want to punch you that day...'_

_'Wha..?'_

_'I said, I didn't really wanna hit you... I said I was gonna; but I wouldn't of, just saying..'_

Jacob slowed to a stop as well and he tilted his large head, watching her with brown eyes that were both surprised and pleased. While he hadn't really been sure of why he kissed her that day... He'd been interested in her reaction. She said she'd hurt him; that she was so angry, and then Leah had just left. She'd left, with his lips tingling and his hands warm from her waist. And until now, that... That moment was never revisited.

She went missing... They went psycho trying to find her and really, her safety was all that mattered at that point.

**Lately I've been thinkin' 'bout, the things that we've been through.  
And I dunno if I'd be here, if not for you.  
I had to take a little time to try to work things out...  
And you should know that I had never meant to let you down.**

**'Cause I, I...  
Wanna tell you that I'm sorry, and I... I...  
Even when I'm not givin' enough, and I'm takin' too much;  
you're still there for me.  
Even when I got nothin' at all, and I'm ready to fall;  
you're still there for me.  
There for me; there for me...**

_'But, there is something I wanna know Jake...'_

Hell, there was tons of shit Jacob wanted to know. The russet wolf huffed, sat before her on the ground and thumped his tail supportingly. _'What do you.. Wanna know?'_

'_Why?...'_

If Jacob could blush in his furry form, he would've been. Even so Leah watched as his red fur seemingly got redder; a nervous twitter that seems to move from Jacob's front paws all the way down to his tail that wagged nervously upon the spasm's arrival.

_'Leah... I... I don't know what to tell you.'_

**Even when I can't be there for you...  
You're always there for me.**

_'Just... Tell me anything. Something honest.'_

Honest...

_'You kept me honest.'_

_'I what...?'_

_'I said you kept me honest, Leah.'_

She did, didn't she. Jacob rocked a little on his haunches, the ground beneath his paws somehow steady when it seemed like the world was spinning in his thoughts. Leah was always honest. Back when he thought he actually had a chance with Bella... Back when he and Sam couldn't be in the same zip code without fighting... Back when he'd told her she wasn't wanted; and she told him, _**"being unwanted isn't exactly a new thing for me."**_

The white wolf in front of him sat down too, a few feet away. _'I don't really... I don't understand.'_

_'I remember when you called off Bella. When you told her how things really were... How she was treating me. Treating all of us, treating her own dad.' _Hell, everyone had to remember that. Edward was seething for days. Jacob was too, at the time... Furious over the things Leah had said like she had the right.

Maybe she didn't need it back then. The wolf-form of Jacob Black whined almost pitiously in Leah's direction as his paw scratched at the dirt with the memory. _'You did it for me.'_

Leah dipped her furry head down. Since everything that had happened, she was more than used to mushy talk and romance by now but hearing it from Jacob... That was a new one. Sam, her mother, her brother especially, even Charlie and the Cullens had spent the last month preening and hovering over her like she was an addict at the edge of a bad relapse. But Jacob... New. Especially when it wasn't directed at Bella Swan. _'...I did it because it was right, Jacob. I know you cared about her... But the world couldn't just stop for one girl being lovesick. ...It didn't stop for me.'_

Jacob didn't cringe. Remarks like that, they used to hold so much malice coming out of Leah's mouth. Nowadays, they just didn't. _'You did it because it was honest. You were jealous too... But you were honest. You were... Right.'_

This time Leah mewled somewhat sadly.

_'Yeah... I was jealous. But she deserved it.'_

_'It took me so long to finally get... A grasp, on you. It took those days with the Cullens... Those weeks after. It took me a long time to figure out that you were right Leah and even back then, I didn't wanna say it to you.' _Jacob huffed a near-laugh. _'You tend to rub shit in.'_

_'Sorry...?'_

_'No... I made you my beta for a reason. You kept me honest.'_

_'...Jake you make it sound like-...Like I never did anything wrong.'_

**Sometimes I know I can be so hard to understand...  
(It's okay.)  
Even when I'm lost, you show me... Who I really am.  
Life with me, it hasn't always been an easy ride...  
But because of you, I've learned to lose my selfish pride.**

Jacob tilted his large head to one side and snorted in question. _'I know you did some shit wrong Leah, no one's perfect at being a beta-'_

_'I don't mean as your beta.'_

_'Then what _do _you mean?'_

The white wolf rose from her haunches and moved toward her alpha, laid down with paws tucked underneath her. Closer to him now. It was an easy thing, Leah realized... Being here with Jacob. Hell it was an easier thing than going home from the hospital with Sam, than being hugged by her mom and told everything was gonna be okay.

How many nights had she, Jacob, Seth, and then Quil and Embry done this...? Laid underneath the stars, wolfish in all its intentions, doing nothing but talking...

Jacob watched Leah lay down and while he was still damn nervous about the two of them finally having their... 'Talk', he felt some of the strain ease out of his muscles. This was familiar, wasn't it? Yes... So familiar. What they used to be seemed like a different world now, but christ... It was still so similar to how they worked back then. Back before shit went to hell.

Leah huffed softly. _'I treated you like shit for the entire two years that you chased that girl, Jake... And you didn't deserve it. You made a few selfish choices, but... I think what used to piss me off the most was the fact that you had those choices. I didn't.'_

Jacob was somewhat glad he was a wolf; it was easier to hide surprise. While he'd known Leah to a greater depth than he'd ever thought he could once she became his right-hand, sometimes her confessions still sort of shocked him. Now more than ever.

_'So you were upset that you were caught between a rock and a hard place?' _He instantly flinched at that choice of words. The memory of Leah, a wolf, bloodstained and hurt with her back to the mountain wall and Karl at her front shot out of his mind and he whimpered. _'I didn't mean it Leah-'_

_'It's fine, Jake. It really is... I'm dealing with that shit.'_

Didn't stop him from feeling bad.

_'But yeah, I was upset. Still am sometimes, but it's getting better. I just don't...'_ She trailed off for a moment, blinked blue eyes and whined. '_...I don't want you to think that I still, think you deserved everything that happened... Just like I don't want Paul to think I'm still pissed; or Emily to think I still wanna ruin her life. Or, Embry to think that I hate him because of his dad.'_

Jacob nodded slowly. _'We know that Lee... It's alright.'_

_'No, it's not... But I am sorry.'_

**'Cause I, I...  
Wanna tell you that I'm sorry, and I... I...  
Even when I'm not givin' enough, and I'm takin' too much;  
you're still there for me.  
Even when I got nothin' at all, and I'm ready to fall;  
you're still there for me.  
There for me; there for me...**

**Even when I can't be there for you...**

**Oh you're always there for me, yeah.**

Jacob hummed in his mind, and as he struggled for words to say... Leah giggled. She giggled.

_'Now let's finish the patrol before Sam calls the rest of the pack and the Cullens in to look for us; you know he will.'_

_'Oh, right.' _She was totally right. They'd been sitting around for a good fifteen minutes just talking, even if it didn't feel that long. Jacob got off his ass and moved in front, this time; Leah brought up his rear, slightly to the right.

Like she always did.

They ran, and ran. Kept to the trail, even laughed once or twice at birds scared out of the trees.

_'Hey Leah?'_

_'Yeah?'_

_'I figured I'd let you know that I haven't been to see Nessie in a few weeks now.'_

Leah almost paused; her gait faltered a little. '_Oh yeah? Why's that?'_

_'...Because I don't love her. You were honest, and you were right back then... Renesmee and Claire deserve a life where we don't govern what they have to be when they grow up. Bella and Edward are ecstatic... And I want my choices back.'_

It was a good thing they were coming to the meadow where they phased back because really, Leah had slowed right down. _'And you're not in crippling pain right now because...?'_

_'I'm not saying I'm not... The last two weeks were pretty brutal. I did a lot of wondering what the hell was I supposed to do with my daytime.' _Another memory shot out across the packmind... Tissues. Maxim magazine. Hand lotion-

'_Jake.'_

_'Sorry.'_

_'Well...' _Leah shook her head to rid herself of the image. _'I'm glad... I'm happy for you man. When you meet her, I bet she'll really be something special. Getting to know her, that'll be the best part.'_

As the duo strolled into the meadow, Jacob phased back and Leah looked away to give him his dignity. Then she headed for the bushes, found her stashed clothing and phased back too. When they emerged, Jacob smiled at her. A knowing little thing.

"Loving Bella sucked... It hurt and it got me nowhere. Nowhere but tied to a kid. I love Nessie; not in that way. Not anymore. But loving her... Loving Bella, I mean... It was real. The imprint, that wasn't. ...Bella sucked, but it was real. Andddd, that's what I want."

"...I'm really, really happy for you."

**Oh I know it's love.  
Oh... Must be love.  
It's gotta be real love.  
It's gotta be real love...**

"You and Sam made all the difference. Watching Sam fight for something, for you, and win... That was real. Real enough to defy magic." Jacob spoke with a certain wisdom that he didn't seem to have before... Not as a kid, not as a teenager, not as an alpha... Not until now.

**Real love.**

"...You really are an alpha, aren't you, Jacob Black."

"Yeah... I like to think so." Jacob's smile widened, and then turned into that white-teeth, full-power Black grin. "Hey Leah," he gestured with a finger to the two of them, in that meadow... Like so long ago. When there were hands on hips, and threats of bodily harm. "Wanna go for a replay?"

Leah tossed her head back and laughed, then walked over to Jacob and kissed him. Soft little peck, right on the sharp of his jaw.

**Even when I'm not givin' enough, and I'm takin' too much;  
you're still there for me.  
Even when I got nothin' at all, and I'm ready to fall!,  
you're still there for me.  
There for me; there for me...**

**Even when I can't be there for you.  
When I can't be there...**

"Now I better head home or Sam really is gonna call in the forces."

Jacob echoed Leah's laugh from earlier. "No doubt about that."

Leah turned and began to walk back in the direction of the treeline.

"Hey Leah? Don't tell Sam!"

She laughed again.

"Don't tell Sam?"

"You better not!"

Her laugh just got louder. "Don't tell Sam."

**Even when I can't be there for you...  
You're always there...**

**For me.**

Jacob looked over his shoulder and watched Leah disappear through the trees. Then he looked up into the sunny sky. She was okay. Sam would take care of her.

But only what she couldn't take care of herself.

Then he headed home... That grin still as bright as the sun on his face.


	15. Under Water

**MS: **Hey everyone, I won't even bother to apologize because I don't think it'll redeem me in any way, so, I'll spare you that. Here's a long-awaited update. This chapter has probably been the most troublesome of ATS that I've written so far and even as it stands right now, I don't really like it. I seem to fail to capture the intense sadness and fleeting nothingness that I wanted to portray here. But nevertheless, my muse for the night has up and disappeared. So, read and please review.

* * *

The wind blew hard.

Not 'break the windows, tear off the shutters' hard... but hard enough.

Leah stared straight ahead, watching the blue abyss rise and fall, coil, then rebound as if she could dare the waves to come and face her. Closer, closer.

The black of her hair tickled at her cheek and the wind almost stung her eyes.

She wrapped both of her arms, encased in a white knit sweater her mother had made for her three years earlier, around her midsection and looked down at her toes. Maybe a foot, maybe two... the waves were drawing nearer and nearer. The tide was rushing in, then retreating. Never did it come to a standstill... the ocean never did. Not once.

Leah knew it had something to do with science, the earth's rotation and maybe the moon. But honestly she'd never cared much. All she cared about was the escape.

She raised stormy blue eyes back to the horizon where the sea winds blew and the ocean glittered in a way that was so foreign... though she hadn't noticed it then.

_There it was. Leah's world was reduced to slow motion and numb sounds as her toes touched the freezing, high waters of the Atlantic ocean. Another second when she was waist-deep, her whole form disappeared under the white-capped seas._

'**Swim**. Swim for home Leah!' _She thought she heard his voice. Thought about the necklace and the pounding rhythm of water sliding against her aching body. Her arms and legs treaded the cold abyss like it was nothing._

No, the sea hadn't been shining that day. It had been grey, and cold, and it seemed to go on forever. But at the same time she had fought to get to that little inlet as though her life depended on it.

Because, it had.

Things were once so different. Leah began to run through the memories in her mind, watching them go by like trees on the side of a highway. She remembered being young... young, wild and free. And reckless. She was one of the first girls on the entire reservation who actually wanted to try cliff-diving. Jumping off those suicidal rocks, plummeting to the cold surf below.

It wasn't a show-off thing; nor was it a ploy to get closer to any boys.

It was a thrill. She had stood on that cliff and had stared down into the water as though it were forming a pillowtop mattress. The waves that curled seemed to beckon her like a finger, 'come here Leah, come in. You'll always be safe here.'

So she jumped. And, she was... Safe.

The water had taken such good care of her. She almost considered it a safety net.. sort of like she thought of her daddy and her mom. Unbreakable; never changing, never disappointing. Always the same.

_Head under water;  
keeps gettin' hotter.  
Give 'em your medicine...  
Fame injection._

It had been February when it all happened... The water was so cold. In fact, in February... Everything was cold.

Her father, in his grave.

Her mother.

Seth.

Sam.

Jake, Paul, Embry, Jared, Quil, the stone-hard Cullens, Emily, Kim, Rachel... Everything had been cold.

Even Leah herself. She'd been so cold and had only gotten colder and colder as the days wore on. As she and Paul fought more. On the day she and Jacob got so angry at eachother that he'd nearly torn a chunk out of her back leg. The day Sue demanded Leah buy her bridesmaids' dress. Those times Sam would avoid her eyes... look away, and make her think that 'this hurts me too Leah... you've got to know that.' Then it came down to the dark days... the nights when La Push and Forks had been caught up in the freak hurricane that tore her life apart.

Well.. Paul had helped.

_"Yeah, suck up to your pregnant cousin. Cuz that's as close to pregnant as you'll ever be, isn't it?"_

God she hated him. Leah blinked and wiped at some salt water at the corner of her eye... tears? No. Mists from the water's spray.

In fact, sometimes, even in the midst of all this... her recovery;

Leah hated them all. Because they deserved it.

_Tell him to jump higher;  
tell him to run farther.  
Make him measure up,  
decades longer than you...;_

Sam had watched her flee that house like her ass was on fire, and he hadn't tried to stop her. Nobody did. Leah ran out into the dark, the cold, the rain and the wind and she may be a shapeshifter; that much hadn't changed. ...But she could never change her feelings. Everything still hurt... it was still cold outside.

Leah's fingers clenched at the arm of her white sweater. She couldn't feel the thin scar underneath the wool, but since it had healed up in the hospital Leah knew she would never forget its exact placement; the color, the length. The way it still panged a little if you pulled the flesh taut.

A bullet had made that scar as it cut through the water... seeking a bigger target.

She thought back to the night before, when Sam had taken the time to kiss every single scarred inch of her body. Not for sex; not for pity. He just.. had. And she loved him then. Leah closed her eyes, wiped again at the stupid ocean water on her cheeks. She loved Sam now. Like she loved her brother, her pack, her family.

She just wanted to know why all of this shit had happened to her. Everything. Right from the very start... Sam. Emily. Her father. Phasing. Her mother. Bella. Renesmee.

The Cree pack... everything.

_Piece it together;  
it's, like weather._

_Watch him travel...;  
Kiss, the gravel._

Leah wanted to know why she forgave Sam, her mother and everyone else around her. Better yet, why she survived that massacre at all. The pain, the humiliation, the abuse... every minute, every hour in that basement she wanted Karl to reach down and snap her neck. Just put her out of her misery.

Leah wanted to know why finding out she could finally have children had brought on so much pain.

Why couldn't she be happy...?

Sam didn't deserve Leah's return to him. Even if imprinting hadn't been his fault; even if Paul's stupid smartass mouth, hadn't been his fault. Just like Sue didn't deserve the daughter she still had, the daughter who lived through that maniacal pack's torture just to come home and have a newly-engaged mother to cry over her bedside. Seth should've earned her hatred for months. Jared, Embry, Quil... They always did say the ones who stood back and let crimes be committed were the worst criminals of all. And then there was Paul. Paul, jesus... Paul should've gotten jail time in some supernatural prison fuck knows where for fuck knows how long. Jacob Black should've spent the rest of his days and nights regretting his decision to reunite the packs. That was what caused all of this, wasn't it.

Leah glared out at the rolling currents.

But none of them got what they deserved. They got to play the heroes. Got to bring her back still in one piece (sort of), got to watch her suffer through weeks of humiliation and painful recovery only to take Sam Uley back into her arms and her brother and mother back into her heart.

More salt water dripped down her cheeks and Leah cursed out loud.

None of this was fair. Not at all, nothing.

They should've been made to pay.

She, should've made them pay.

_Tell him to jump higher;  
tell him to run farther.  
Make him measure up,  
ten times longer than you...;_

_Ever should, you...  
Ever could, explain..  
To me._

But she didn't. Leah didn't make them seek penance for their actions, their abandonment and bad decisions. Instead she was so damn happy to have them back that it made her want to cry sometimes. Made her the weakling she had tried so damn hard not to be when she phased for the first time.

The girl who just hated being alone.

The ocean gave another crash as a wave hit the shore, this time soaking her ankles.

She stared out at the abyss, raised both her hands, and slid them underneath the shoulders of her sweater. Felt the burnt, scarred flesh of the bullet wound healed. Then she raked her hands down through her hair, finally admitted that the salt water sprays were common tears and...

Screamed at the top of her lungs.

'Gotta get this out. Everything... and then it'll be better.'

Leah kept screaming until there was nothing left.

_Explain, to me..._

Carlisle had told her she needed to face her feelings.


End file.
